Not sure how these old flicks hold up - apologies if they're racist - but while we await the decision from Yoshi Yamamoto, the Yankees' dream No. 2 starter, here is the inevitable lame comedy bit about Mr. Moto movies, now in their 80s.
I mean, let's get this out of the way. Wherever he ends up - (if not with the Yankees, it means Mr. Hal turned cheapo) - we'll have years to revisit these crappy punch lines, which should easily outlast George Santos, Swift/Kelce and Invermectin. So, let's commit to the bit, okay? Here goes nothing...
MR. MOTO TAKES A CHANCE
In pursuit of a diabolical murderer, the wise and resourceful detective (Peter Lorre) comes to America, masquerading as a baseball pitcher. Instantly, he draws the ire of a bombastic, alcoholic sportswriter, called Alphonso (Bela Lugosi.)
He must not only outwit the murderer, but pitch his troubled team of ornery misfits to the playoffs, using ancient tactics that include the Chinese bamboo finger trap. (And let's not sweat mishandled cultural appropriations, okay?)
MR. MOTO'S LAST WARNING
Featuring John Carradine as the scheming, cross-dresser John Henry, and Virginia Field as Suzyn, the fetching young nymphette who - in a dazzling 15-minute sequence - teaches Moto the ways of Geiko Insurance.
THANK YOU MR. MOTO
After failing to catch the murderer, the famous detective (Ernest Borgnine) pitches the NY Highlanders to the World Series. During his celebratory parade down the Canyon of Heroes, Moto befriends a wealthy realtor (Fred Trump), who is raising a sociopathic child, and introduces the family to a wise babystitter (Roy Coen.)
Okay, so the bit is done, right? No more Mr. Moto jokes (aside from your comments). The world will thank us, right?
Today, nothing seems to be happening in the Yankiverse, and I get the feeling no more shoes will drop until the next movie: MR. MOTO MAKES UP HIS MIND. That might happen around MR. MOTO'S MERRY CHRISTMAS. Lets hope he does the right thing in MR. MOTO MEETS THE MASTER.
Okay, we can drop the Mr. Moto stuff. But only if the Yankees announce the pursuit of some guy whose name lends itself to Charlie Chan jokes.
ReplyDeleteAnd, for the record, Warner Oland over Sidney Toler, hands down.
We haven't even scratched the surface of Fu Manchu, either. Or his beautiful daughter, as played by Myrna Loy.
Fu Manchu was portrayed by (at least) all of the following:
ReplyDeleteHarry Agar Lyons
Warner Oland
Boris Karloff
Lou Marcelle
Henry Brandon
John Carradine
Glen Gordon
Christopher Lee
Peter Sellers and,
Nicolas Cage
That’s a lot to masticate on…
I'm going to pretend this post never happened. i need a long hot shower.
ReplyDeleteUseless trivia: Henry Brandon, who portrayed Fu Manchu, also played the evil Silas Barnaby in “The March Of The Wooden Soldiers”. He was just 22. at the time. Some 25 years later, he played the Indian Chief Scar in the greatest Western ever made, “The Searchers”.
ReplyDeleteThe Flash Gordon movie (1980) with Melody Anderson. Perhaps the hottest wench ever to grace the big screen. Too bad she didn't make a whole lotta movies. Just a few before she retired and became a social worker or something. The planet was called "Mongo" and the evil "Ming" was the dictator. The movie was a joke, but wow, Melody Anderson!
ReplyDeleteJuan Soto in his zoom call (courtesy of the NY Post) says the short right field porch won't make his change:
ReplyDelete“We all know there’s a really short porch right there, and it’s going to be on your mind, but definitely I’m going to try to stay in the same approach I’ve been doing,” Soto said Tuesday during his introductory Zoom call. “That’s what has taken me all the way to where I am right now. So I think there’s no reason to change it. I’m going to be trying to do the same thing.
“If I get the chance to pull any ball and hit it that way, that’s fine for me. But my strength is going to left-center, and that’s what I’m going to try to do.”
So he's saying all the right things. Let's just hope the Yankee coaching does not make him trigger happy, like Volpe.
And whilst we're on the subject of Melody Anderson, more delectable treats with that hottie: "Firewalker" (with Chuck Norris); and two made for tv flicks, "Policewoman Centerfold" and "Beverly Hills Madam".
ReplyDeleteI also found her on an episode of "The Hitchhiker", a low budget cable tv suspense series. The episode is called "The Cruelest Cut", and she stars as a prostitute. Come to think of it, she often played prostitutes, the expensive call girl type. Never seen a real one of those as hot as Melody Anderson, though.
After hearing about how the Dodgers fleeced Ohtani with a deal that only starts to pay him after he's finished playing, I got a bad, bad feelin' that ... my baby don't live here no more ... uh, sorry, ahem ... that the Dodgers have the inside track on signing Yamamoto.
ReplyDeleteWith the Ohtani debacle, the Dodgers have the salary room to get Yamamoto. And the fact that Yamamoto is in Los Angeles. Didn't even come to New York. Makes it seem like he was just kicking the Yankee tires. The only hope is that he hinted that he wants to be a Yankee awhile back. I got a bad, bad feelin' ....
Perusing the 'net for Yamamoto rumors, it's as I thought. Yankees supposedly in a "solid" position to get him, but the Dodgers and the Mutts expected to offer more, and more, and even more. So from what I see, the chances of the Yankees signing him appear to be shrinking faster than a snowman on a sunny & mild 60 degree winter's day.
ReplyDeleteNo need to wait on Yamamoto. I think the Yankees should pivot to the other free agent pitchers available. Sign Hader, Snell, Bauer. Get 'em all now before all the losers of the Yamamoto sweepstakes show up to bid up the price. If nothing more happens, 2024 is going to be a guaranteed pitching shit show, especially with Matt Blake still here.
Or listen to Sister Christian by Night Ranger Moto Ring, What’s your price to pitch?
ReplyDeleteHow about the far superior, "Flesh Gordon" with the incomparable Emperor Wong?
ReplyDeleteI suspect you're right, Hammer. Once again, the Yanks don't really understand the magnitude of what they need to do—or they don't care.
ReplyDeleteOne thing they could do immediately: sign Hader, then tell YY, hey, here's a guaranteed, extra five wins with our closer in place. If they can't get YY, then yeah, go for Snell and Monty, immediately.
But I don't think they'll do that, either. I don't think they'll do anything more.