The Yankees have entered the "World of If," and their current roster makes no sense

Every day, another litter of trade rumors drops, quenching the Yankiverse's constant thirst for fresh, steaming crapola. Already this winter, they have dealt Oswald Peraza a thousand times for a million farts, fueling a nonstop Borborigmi machine. 

But but BUT... one thing is starkly clear: 

As currently constructed, the Yankee Death Barge is a ridiculous collection of "Ifs," a plane that will not fly. Consider the roster.

Rotation: Beyond the "Twin Pillars of If" - Carlos Rodon and Nestor Cortes - our current 5th starter is the famous Clayton Beeter, the final interstellar remnant of Joey Gallo. Last year, at Scranton, Beeter pitched to an ERA of 4.94. Yikes.

Bullpen: The closer remains Clay Holmes. In fact, almost everything - from Johnny Lasagna to Tommy Kahnle - remains. Trouble is, that vaunted pen fell apart at the end of '23. And the Yankees just traded most of their young, pen-worthy arms.

Catchers: Can Austin Wells deliver defensively? Guy looked okay in September. Then again, so did Gary Sanchez, once upon a time, in a brief autumnal burst. For two years now, we've heard rumblings that Wells might need to play 1B. Can he catch full-time? Big question.

Infield: Who's on third? Bud Abbott would say "I Don't Know." He'd be right. For now, our punch line goes, "We'll Sign Somebody." DJ LeMahieu will be 35, throwing to Anthony Rizzo, 34, coming off the bum cabbage. There's talk of signing Gio Urshela. That could require Hal to outbid Uncle Stevie of the Mets, something we haven't yet seen.

Outfield: Weirdest collection yet. Three corner OFs - Verdugo, Judge and Soto -  with the Brian Trust claiming it's fine with Judge roaming CF, gap to gap, for an entire season. Gap to gap, for an entire season. They're gonna fukkin kill him. Then, get this, around late August, The Martian could return from TJ surgery on his throwing arm, which would probably make him - drum roll, please - another corner outfielder. The Yankees should join MMA and play in an octagon. 

DH: Wait! One more corner OF: Giancarlo! They say he's dieting to lose weight and become more mobile. Last year, the guy hit .190. How much Ozempic can get him there?

Okay, it's nuts to analyze a team halfway through a winter. I get it. But from here, one conclusion rises above all others: Like with Lady MacBeth, Cashman has no choice but to keep the blood flowing. The Yankees must keep moving players. This airplane won't fly.