Wednesday, January 3, 2024

The Yankees have entered the "World of If," and their current roster makes no sense

Every day, another litter of trade rumors drops, quenching the Yankiverse's constant thirst for fresh, steaming crapola. Already this winter, they have dealt Oswald Peraza a thousand times for a million farts, fueling a nonstop Borborigmi machine. 

But but BUT... one thing is starkly clear: 

As currently constructed, the Yankee Death Barge is a ridiculous collection of "Ifs," a plane that will not fly. Consider the roster.

Rotation: Beyond the "Twin Pillars of If" - Carlos Rodon and Nestor Cortes - our current 5th starter is the famous Clayton Beeter, the final interstellar remnant of Joey Gallo. Last year, at Scranton, Beeter pitched to an ERA of 4.94. Yikes.

Bullpen: The closer remains Clay Holmes. In fact, almost everything - from Johnny Lasagna to Tommy Kahnle - remains. Trouble is, that vaunted pen fell apart at the end of '23. And the Yankees just traded most of their young, pen-worthy arms.

Catchers: Can Austin Wells deliver defensively? Guy looked okay in September. Then again, so did Gary Sanchez, once upon a time, in a brief autumnal burst. For two years now, we've heard rumblings that Wells might need to play 1B. Can he catch full-time? Big question.

Infield: Who's on third? Bud Abbott would say "I Don't Know." He'd be right. For now, our punch line goes, "We'll Sign Somebody." DJ LeMahieu will be 35, throwing to Anthony Rizzo, 34, coming off the bum cabbage. There's talk of signing Gio Urshela. That could require Hal to outbid Uncle Stevie of the Mets, something we haven't yet seen.

Outfield: Weirdest collection yet. Three corner OFs - Verdugo, Judge and Soto -  with the Brian Trust claiming it's fine with Judge roaming CF, gap to gap, for an entire season. Gap to gap, for an entire season. They're gonna fukkin kill him. Then, get this, around late August, The Martian could return from TJ surgery on his throwing arm, which would probably make him - drum roll, please - another corner outfielder. The Yankees should join MMA and play in an octagon. 

DH: Wait! One more corner OF: Giancarlo! They say he's dieting to lose weight and become more mobile. Last year, the guy hit .190. How much Ozempic can get him there?

Okay, it's nuts to analyze a team halfway through a winter. I get it. But from here, one conclusion rises above all others: Like with Lady MacBeth, Cashman has no choice but to keep the blood flowing. The Yankees must keep moving players. This airplane won't fly. 

19 comments:

  1. 6 weeks until S/T, I see no sense of urgency whatsoever.

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  2. I'm sure Cashman and his minions are working furiously behind the scenes, crunching stats and running numbers through their machine learning and AI algos to find the best of everything with the lowest price tag.

    I think the reason Cashman lives to slavishly serve Hal's wishes is because no other team will ever hire him. They'll just make Hal feel better about keeping him by saying what a genius Cashboy is. Then laugh their asses off when the reporters are gone.

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  3. Other than that, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln. Even Woo Suk appears to be off the table, I think he told Ca$h You Suk.

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  4. This was Cashman's quote when he traded away Gio while trading for Donaldson. And this is the stooge that assesses MLB talent for our side.

    "We appreciate what Gio has done but he’s not Josh Donaldson".

    And does this encourage Gio to re-sign here?

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  5. Well, Carl, he WAS right about that. Gio is so much better than Josh Donaldson.

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  6. Hey, hey, hey! We got Biceptvedt in that trade!

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  7. LOVE "bum cabbage," Duque. And yes, you spell it out well.

    It really looks like the Yankees are going to do absolutely nothing else, and I honestly can't understand what their thinking is. Seriously diminishing the pitching staff to get Soto—FOR ONE YEAR—was never a good idea; it followed logically that they HAD to have other free-agents signings in mind...seeing as they had nobody left to trade or bring up from the minors.

    Barring a miraculous run of good luck, this team as currently constituted will not make the playoffs, and with its age, it is all downhill from there. Very weird.

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  8. I had to look up "borborigmi" and I'm not sure I'm better off knowing.

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  9. Sum Ting Rong is still available…

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  10. It makes sense. This is a Genius Cashman roster. This is what the putz does.

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  11. BTR, I was hoping they'd sign Sum Yung Gi, but it doesn't look like it.

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  12. Stop it, I'm spitting up Coke Zero through my nose!

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  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  14. Hoss - I read that Coke Zero helps limit the growth of nose hair, so it should work out OK.

    With that in mind - it would seem at this point that Hal and Cash would only consider signing Wi Tu Lo.

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  15. Sadly, AA, I am living proof that that is not true.

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  16. There is NFW Judge will be thrown into center field. There are still plenty of moves to be made. Uh, RIGHT???!!! Bellinger or SOMEBODY!!!!????? RIGHT? Why trade for a year of Soto? And Boros has a history of taking his Blue Chips down to the wire. It's gonna all work out. RIGHT????????

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  17. From the original Abbott and Costello:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaOkTKfxu44


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  18. Times like these I remember that if it wasn't for Hal stepping in(finally) we would even have Judge

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