Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Skinny Stanton, the Snell staredown, and a new flamethrower light up Camp Hellbent

Like Frampton long ago, Tampa has come alive. Every morning, it's like Dorothy stepping into Oz. Every returning vet, every emerging rook, every tool in the box, every dingleberry in the shower - it's cause for unbridled hope. 

Such is the beauty, the wonderment, of pre-spring. 

Across Camp Hellbent, sunblock-smeared Gammonites stand in awe of the rock-ribbed backstories that now gush from every tap. If Ponce de Leon could see this, he could die in peace, having found the Fountain. Yesterday, Juan Soto gave his first press conference. (That's what they do; like Ari Fleischer, they call press conferences.) He said nothing, but nobody cared. The stars walk a mowed red carpet, posing in their midnight blues and projecting one grand assurance.

Everything will be okay. 

Everyone will be a star. 

This year will be different: Everything will come together.

So, enjoy the joy. Meanwhile, here are the trope storylines...

1. The dieters. Seen the shots of Giancarlo Stanton? He's dropped a stone, maybe more. (O, o, o, Ozempic?) Weight loss - the fading superstar who quit the kugel this Christmas - is one of the great traditions of spring. Long ago, we saw it with CC Sabathia. Later, Gary Sanchez. It's the first sign that a slugger or ace recognizes an existential threat to his career, that even though the spring days are getting longer, his time in The Show is growing shorter. 

This week, both Giancarlo and Carlos Rodon reported looking as toned as Miley Cyrus. Let's hope it works. For both stars, it's sorta now or never. If Rodon doesn't bounce back from 2023, he probably never will. And if Giancarlo flounders, the Yankees will disappear him. He's faltered now for two years. As Auric Goldfinger said, "Once is happenstance, twice coincidence, and three times is enemy action." The Yankees cannot win with a DH who hits .190. 

2. The last hope. Blake Snell and Jordan Montgomery remain holdouts, and - frankly - WTF? (Especially Montgomery, a perfect fit in Texas. What is wrong with the Rangers?) 

Either would greatly elevate the Yankees' chances in 2024. In fact, it's so painfully obvious, so abundantly clear, considering the thin rotation, which is likely to crack before opening day. Apparently, runner-ups and wild cards will be Hal Steinbrenner's legacy, and he's okay with that. 

Every day, sportswriters squeeze out copy suggesting the Yankees are still in on Snell, even though Hal insists they are done. It's like kids on Christmas morning, holding out for the pony. At this point, I hesitate to even mention the rumor. It will just hurt more when they sign with the Jays or the Mets. 

3. The fireballer. In this case, it's Nick Burdi, a 31-year-old, RH, non-roster invitee who has been kicking around the majors since 2018, never throwing more than 10 innings in a season. He's 6'3," 225, so the worms will know he's out there. He's impressed the Yankees, and good for him.

I Googled the guy. This I know: The issue has never been his ability to throw hard. It's all about the ligaments, the things that go pop in the night. If his arm holds together, Nick Burdi can help this team. Remember that name. And light a candle for his gaskets. 

Everything is beautiful. Spring is coming, everybody. Peel me a grape.

18 comments:

  1. Haiku Tuesday - Chewable Ozempic Edition

    ThinNY ThinNY Thin

    These 24 Yankees are

    Really Really Thin

    ReplyDelete
  2. Fen-phen is not Zen.

    Ozempic is Zem.

    Not a haiku, but something.

    Didn't those slimmed-down giants of yesteryear all have shit seasons afterwards? I remember CC, in particular, was much better as Sidney Greenstreet. Sanchez, of course, remained Sanchez.

    And didn't Stanton already do this Slim Fast thing before? It didn't work then, if I recall, and it's doubtful it works now. What the PEDs giveth, the PEDs taketh away.

    We need the Martian back.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JM - when CC introduced his new, thinned down look and performed badly there were stories circulating that he was getting diet tips from his vegetarian nephew or some other non-meat eating relative. It was then that we began chanting that CC needed to start meaning double cheeseburger and in a hurry.

    ReplyDelete
  4. See See Sebathia
    Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom
    Feed him two cheeseburgers
    Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom
    CHEESEBURGERS! CHEESEBURGERS!
    Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom
    CC Sabathia
    Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yankees slugger looks very slim at spring training with hopes to be 'more mobile' in 2024
    Giancarlo Stanton, who stood at 6-foot-6, 245 pounds last season, didn't reveal his weight
    By Scott Thompson Fox News
    Published February 19, 2024 4:35pm EST

    Yankees' Giancarlo Stanton is leaner, meaner at the plate
    Robert Aitken Jr.
    NorthJersey.com Aug. 3, 2020

    A healthy, slimmer Giancarlo Stanton could be what the Yankees have been waiting for
    By Alex Mitchell
    Posted on August 4, 2020

    Why panicking now over Yankees' Giancarlo Stanton would be totally ridiculous
    Published: Apr. 10, 2018, 11:07 a.m.

    May 11, 2018
    “With my mistakes out there and not playing well, it just showed that there were games where you could beat guys by five runs without me participating, without me doing anything,” Stanton said. “As long as I wasn’t a distraction — with the boos and all that, as long as I wasn’t bringing the team down — then whatever.”

    ReplyDelete
  6. We’ll see if the Bürdi-Gurdy man will come singing songs of love for us for this season.

    Two players I’m keeping an this spring: Big Ben Rice and our own version of the Toy Cannon, Caleb Durbin.

    ReplyDelete
  7. “I like the cover," he said. "Don't Panic. It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody's said to me all day.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think Ca$hman is secretly working on a trade for Anthony Rendon. He'd be perfect for this team.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Rendon, Rodon, Rodan...it's all too confusing for me.

    ReplyDelete


  10. Stanton now craves hits.
    Ben "Rice-A-Roni" says, "Whew!"
    We are title bound.

    ReplyDelete
  11. As to Snell -

    The Yankees are at the 110% penalty so what ever Boras wants it is X2 so even their original offer of 150M for five years isn't 30M a year. It is actually more than 60M+ for the first year. Would you pay 60M for Snell? I wouldn't. And that is assuming they cut payroll in the future. Otherwise it's 2X again and again.

    I suppose they could go the Othani route and give him one of those 25 year contracts that come in at 6 mil per annum. But why would either side do that?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Some of you may disagree with me - maybe violently - but I still want Monty back. THAT BEING SAID, it'll never happen. You know why? I'll tell you why. For Cashola to get him back, it would mean admitting that he, the great baseball mind, fucked up in the first place. So he won't do it. Ego.

    King George had ego, as well, but it was a different kind of ego - is there a shrink or a PhD amongst us who could better articulate this? - and that let George play mad footsie with Billy Martin for years, along with others. George needed to act out and then he'd see the light or realize what an ass he had been and "make up."

    Because he wanted to win. George wanted to win. Brian wants to be right. Big difference. And Hal just wants the money to keep flowing in uninterrupted. And even though I'd love Monty or Snell (How about we reanimate Matt Snell from the Jets and let him play in the outfield as a sort of at-large running back with a baseball mitt?) even though I'd like another "last missing piece," IT'LL MAKE NO DIFFERENCE. I don't want to be too much of a downer, but we need more than one new piece. We need a whole new game board.

    ReplyDelete
  13. 13Bit - you let me down.. …you never opined what Bubbles Blowing/Seed Spitting Boone wants…..

    ReplyDelete
  14. AA - I do not recognized Bo@@e as a Yankee entity. He's a bit of protoplasm who regurgitates whatever orders the metrics dudes in the bunker send up through the cable connected to his anal probe terminals. In other words, Edgar Bergen's Charlie McCarthy, aka "Meat Puppet," aka, cosmic 2-seam playback dummy, aka, "I was just following orders, they had a good game, despite the pounding." Boone is the original guy who said, "Aside from that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?"

    ReplyDelete
  15. @13bit...just because you want Monty back doesn't translate to Monty wanting 13bit back...

    ReplyDelete

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