Friday, April 19, 2024

The first Post-John Era homestand looms, and other observations

In the current buzz movie, Civil War, a scary Jesse Plemons confronts a bunch of journalists, driving across a bloodstained America, with a haunting question: 

What kind of American are you?

Obviously, he's rooting out Yank fans - uppity penthouse commies who want hospitals, schools and gastropubs; with their stench of Big Apple superiority and their Ozempic skintags. In fact, this is wrong. N
obody has ever needed a quick way to identify these NYC Holly Golightlys, because the world provided an easy litmus test. His name was John Sterling.

To sluice out Yank fans, all you needed was turn on John and Suzyn. Within seconds, the haters would turn into George C. Scott in the 1979 movie "Hardcore," screaming "TURN IT OFFFFF!" But to us, it was music. 

Well, folks, it's almost here - the day you never expected to see. 

John is going away, and he won't be coming back.  

Admit it: You figured the asteroid would hit, or the Grand Canyon would erupt - (choose your Doomsday) - before John called it quits. But here it is. Tomorrow - (game time 1:05 p.m.) -  the world says goodbye, and I might need a bath towel to watch. 

I'm finding it hard to listen to Yank games on the radio, even if they're still electrified by the Jeep brand. Nothing against Justin Shackil and Emmanuel Berbari. It's not what they are. It's what they are not. Meanwhile, Suzyn seems lost and abandoned. Everything is out of whack. Home runs without special calls. Wins without win-warbles. The juju gods must be watching C-Span. If life is just a simulation, The Matrix has been breached.  

So, we'll carry on, right? At some point, something memorable will happen, and we will bond with the new broadcast team, right? (This season has yet to bring an enduring moment, aside from John's announcement.) Meanwhile, we wait to hear from Suzyn. She's 77. How far will she go? We might find out tomorrow.  

Other tidbits.

1.  In April, the Yankiverse got a kick out of 5'6" Caleb Durbin, the Jose Altuve of Scranton. Lately, he's cooled off, his batting average dipping below .300. But Durbin and an outfielder named Brandon Lockridge continue to run wild at Triple A. They lead the IL in stolen bases. At some point, the Death Barge might need a fulltime base-stealer, a la Dave Roberts in 2004. (Ouch.) Could that be Durbin's path to NYC? 

2. Tonight, Clarke Schmidt faces the hateful Rays. (Why do so many teams hate us? Do they hate the Royals, the Pirates, the Brewers?) Schmidt has started three games, each time pitching into the 5th. He's given up 3 runs, then 2 runs, then 1 - shaving a run each time. In lieu of Gerrit Cole, he might just be our ace. (I'm jinxing him, but fukkit.)

3. I've been reading Hoss' book on NY baseball. Damn, it's a great piece of writing and research. Guy doesn't waste a paragraph. If you haven't grabbed it yet, you are missing out. For baseball fans, this book should be considered Cultural Jury Duty. 

4. You can always tell an off-day by the bullshit used to gather clicks. 

In this case, it's a pile of speculative news stories that suggest, come November, the Mets will sign Juan Soto and the Yankees will react by chasing Pete Alonzo. 

Dear God, save us from such crapola. It's like the NFL mock drafts in March, or political polls in January. People who traffic in it, Jesse Plemons should shoot them. What kind of Yankee fans are they?

26 comments:

  1. Hoss' book has been recommended to me a few times IRL (as the kids say). "Sure thing, plus I sorta know the author." No kidding! "Yeah, our false identities get along great."

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  2. Ad 3. Not just that, it paints a brilliant picture of the city, the sport and the culture of the USA (well at least it's main city). Even the e-reader version is a joy to read.

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  3. Fearless leader,

    There is a slight plot hole in your script.

    Syracuse is *not* NYC. Tallest building (for the last 100+ years) tops out at 312 feet. I hear there are quite a few Sterling fans located there. Personally, I grew up in a town whose entire population would fit on the observation deck of the Empire State Building. So, not all fans of the master are dazzling urbanites. Some actually hail from rustic settings.


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  4. Someone recently speculated here that the master is retiring because he can't take the commute anymore. (Sorry, I don't remember who -- I'm old and senile). If so, the Yankees management are even more vile and cheap than I realized (and believe me, I think they're very evil and cheap).

    Anyway, I was thinking that *if* a meetup happens this summer, we HAVE TO invite John Sterling. Not sure if he'd wanna sit in the cheap seats with the likes of us. ANYwho, if he accepts our offer, I will personally pay for his limo to/from the stadium.

    Also, *this* is the year to finally have the master manage a game. The first Yankee manager to where bespoke pinstripes! The first manager in the majors in street clothes since Cornelius MacGillicuddy (I think? Hoss, help me out here).

    (Sorry for meandering so much, but my mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.)

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  5. *I didn't proofread. Yes, I know where my clothes are when I wear them. Otherwise, not so much.

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  6. 1) ""Yeah, our false identities get along great." - Big time props on that.

    2) Having a Sterling Broadcast as a litmus test - Didn't they use the Yankee batting order to out German spies in WW2? Or was that just a movie thing?

    3) Hoss' book. - I finally dipped a toe in last week and soon found myself knee deep. I'm more of a fiction reader but he writes so well (duh) and really brings it to life so I suspect I will be waist deep in no time.

    I think the last non-fiction book I read that held my attention as well as this one was a book by William Manchester called, "The Glory and the Dream". A two volume narrative history of America that I read back in high school. Oh, and Ball Four.

    American history and baseball. If only there was a book that combined both...

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  7. Programming note:

    Tomorrow's game will be the free game of the day on mlb's streaming service. Won't have pregame, but helps those of us out in the netherlands, who are prohibited from getting Yankee games without paying mlb.

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  8. Kevin Smith hit the rails to Scranton yesterday, replaced by an outfielder (yet another one) named Trammel who can't hit. Yeah, we need more guys like that. In case, like, the team plane goes down and we lose everyone else.

    Cash making the big moves.

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  9. "(Why do so many teams hate us? Do they hate the Royals, the Pirates, the Brewers?)"

    As Reggie once said, "They don't boo nobodies."

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  10. I had a dream last night that John and Suzyn will be dressed as Batman and Robin for tomorrow’s ceremony and everyone loved it.

    Turbines to Speed, true believers…

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  11. In honor of one of the great rock guitarists of my time, I offer one of the greatest rock albums ever produced, The Allman Brothers Live at the Fillmore East:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0T4JDLN5mI

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  12. @ Publius "Yeah, our false identities get along great."

    LOL! LOL! LOL! LOL!

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  13. @ Rufus "*if* a meetup happens this summer, we HAVE TO invite John Sterling."

    That is an awesome idea! But how to get in touch with the guy? I hear he doesn't even have a computer. Probably doesn't even carry a smart phone. Probably doesn't surf the internet. We're going to have to get in contact with somebody, like Shakil, Berbari or Suzyn Waldman. If it ever happens, we'll serenade The Master with an "it is high, it is far, it is gone" and a "thuuuuuuuuuuuu Yankees win!"

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  14. John would prefer meeting up (or meating up as Rufus’ autocorrect would insist on) at a nice steak house for cocktails and a meal.

    Perhaps there’s one that has a big screen or two in a private dining room reservable for such get togethers.

    We’d stand a better chance of getting him to show if we went down that road.

    Plus we’d provide round trip transportation….

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  15. I thought about that, too, inviting John. We need to think about the winds of August, maybe. I'm going to send out some smoke signals soon to LBJ about this.

    But I say we plan it out and then try to contact John through his agent. Does he even have an agent? Maybe it's just a rolltop desk in a backroom with a Rolodex and some phone numbers written on the wall.

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  16. Bitty, I'm guessing Dashiell Hammett's office is next door.

    AA, I'm in on the steakhouse

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  17. Bitty - do you still own that limo?

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  18. Can't thank you enough, guys. It means so much coming from moaxes like you, who know the game. I am thumping my chest, Sosa-style, right now (which alarms my wife, but she'll understand).

    Doug, I loved "The Glory and the Dream," too. Such an interesting book on such an important time in our national life (1932-1968). Manchester was a terrific writer.

    I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again. But you guys are the best!


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  19. And YES to inviting Mr. Sterling to anything!

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  20. Actually, this IS my real identity. My fake one shows up at the office every day.

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  21. Dick, great record. That and "Eat a Peach" were their best.

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  22. https://www.pinstripealley.com/2024/4/19/24134263/yankees-john-sterling-home-run-call-ranking-all-time-bernie-goes-boom-jeter-judge

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  23. Trammel is ANOTHER ex-Dodger


    From MLB.COM
    Over parts of four Major League seasons with the Mariners (2021-23) and Dodgers (2024), he has hit .165 (51-for-310) with 45 runs, 16 doubles, 15 homers, 39 RBIs, 39 walks and four stolen bases in 121 career games

    seems about right, but why?

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  24. This must be one of the master's haunts:

    https://riverpalm.com/about-us/

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  25. Mountain Jam, writing credits to Mr. Donovan Leitch. Took me years to recognize the connection. Must have been the microdots.

    Mr. Betts was a quite talented and tortured soul. May he rest in peace. Like many great bands, it is maddening to think what they could have done if they had all survived and got along.

    My alter ego is Groucho Marx. My day job is President of Freedonia.

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