Thursday, May 30, 2024

Luis Gil rhymes with "Real Deal."

Hey, hoakie smokes, we won! Let's celebrate by playing the parlor game, where we imagine an alternative universe: 

In this case, it's the world where Luis Gil grew up in the Dominican Republic, that traditional hotbed of hockey. Yes, hawgee. Who can forget Robinson Cano, the great Ranger forward, sipping el Presidente Beer from the Stanley Cup, celebrating with goalie Manny Machado. 

In that universe, the Yankees don't have Gil. He's fighting those bullish Florida Panthers, with their hateful enforcer, Vladimir Guerrero Jr, who has vowed never to skate for the Rangers. While the Gammonites of Gotham watch the NHL, the Yankees sit in 2nd place, four games behind Baltimore. We're chasing the wild card, getting walloped every 5th game. Our fifth starters have been a shambles: Luke Weaver outlasted his sell-by date, Clayton Beeter tweaked a gonad, and Will Warren is throwing batting practice. For weeks, Cooperstown Cashman has scoured the MLB waiver wire to seine off what old Rumsfeld would call "Known Knowns," though not in a good way. We've gone through a conga line of Chris Bootchecks and Sidney Ponsons. 

In this universe, we die every 5th day, and worse, have no hope for the future because - did I mention this? - in this world, Gerrit Cole has a vagina. 

As joyous as it would be to see the Rangers win, I gotta think the D.R. would make a cruel hockey hotbed - (the key word being "hot.") Too many heat domes, even if they are hoaxes. And it is terrifying to imagine the Yankees without Gil.

Right now, he is a firm candidate to start the All-Star game and a contender for the Cy Young, the MVP, maybe the Lady Bing, When the Yankees blow a game, or get unjustly screwed - such as last night, with the umps' ridiculous call on Juan Soto, killing a bases loaded opportunity - the only thing that lassos my blood pressure is the notion that Gil has arrived out of nowhere, ready to save the Yankee bacon. 

So, who the eff is Seth Lugo of the KC Royals? He's a 34-year-old journeyman ex-Met, who has never won more than 10 games in a season, and whose career ERA is 3.30. God knows what deal he made with Mephistopheles, but his stagecoach will soon turn back into a pumpkin. (Or more likely, he's gone at the trade deadline.) As for Gil? His future is wide open. Maybe, just maybe, he's for real, we have an emerging star, and the entire universe is blinking his name. 

Meanwhile, how about that Big 3 in the batting order! Anthony Volpe could soon be hitting .290. Dare we dream of a universe where the Yankees once again have a great SS? To supplement the Real Deal... Gil!



18 comments:

  1. Ángel Hernández would have been proud of that call in the first inning last night...

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  2. I was watching the first inning and thinking the entire umping squad had bets on the Angels. What a bunch of shitty calls. Terrible. And no accountability for it, ever. (Angel's "retirement" being a freak of baseball nature.)

    Gil, on the other hand...ah, what a fine young man is he. Although...although...I remember other fine young men who started out great and with so much promise, named Severino and German. Then never achieved those heights again.

    I hope Gil is different. I hope he doesn't implode, in one way or another, and make this the apex of his career.

    As Fats Waller said, one never knows, do one?

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  3. @JM...that sure helps the under doesn't it?

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  4. Underhanded, under suspicion...all the unders.

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  5. As Mamma Waller once said…me understands

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  6. Volpe looked like a really good hitter when he first came up. I'm glad my eyes didn't deceive me and I wasn't just imagining it. All the skills were there. If he just takes what the pitcher gives him, like last night, he could hit .350 and contend for a batting title.

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  7. Little Tony has been listening to Judge & Co., using a level swing instead of swinging for the fences like our crack analytics department had him doing last year.

    And don’t give your right name

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  8. I think Luis Gil is definitely better than Severino and German ever were. Severino was a power pitcher but he could be rock headed and too robotic sometimes. German was a finesse pitcher, and sometimes you wished he could reach back and put some more mustard on it. Gil combines the talents of both and then some.

    This kid is dealing, as The Master used to say. He knows how to pitch. In addition to that great fastball, using his off speed very effectively. Gotta love that changeup. Taking a little off, putting a little on, whilst moving the ball around the zone. One of the classic ways to flummax opposing batters.

    I don't want him pitching in the All Star hypefest. I hope he rests his arm, gets mentally ready for the stretch run. There's talk of moving him to the bullpen to reduce his innings this year. Why let him pitch in the hypefest? Making the roster on paper is enough.

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  9. The word of Hammer speaks the truth.

    Gil has never pitched more than 96 innings in a year, and that was in A ball five years ago.

    It is a cautionary tale to be sure. Sevy had pitched no more than 90 innings a year over the course of three years (15, 16, 17) and the Yankees decided to up his innings to 380 over the next two years. That basically blew out his arm.

    Let's hope the Yankees "brain" trust doesn't make the same mistake, cause hope is all we have, and as we all know, it's the hope that kills you.

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  10. Severino looked like an HoF pitcher for a short time, and German--before he was sent to Siberia following that domestic violence incident that shall never be explained--was dominant. Sevvy became better known for his physical setbacks and German was never the same again (hopefully not at home, either).

    Things can happen, Hammer. I just hope they don't happen to Gil. And we still need to see how he does the second or third time around the league. Will the scouts catch up to him? Still unknown.

    But, man, he looks great. Wish we had five of him.

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  11. And wish we still have Sevvy, who the Mets seem to have finally turned around. I know, I know, most likely we're just awaiting the next setback. But still, wish we had him coming out of the pen. Or Seth Lugo, part of the last wave of "Great Mets Arms of the Future."

    Incredible how many sets of those "Great Arms" the Metsies have gone through. That team is truly cursed.

    Oh, and "tooth hurty." I just got it! Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

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  12. The call was ridiculous last night. And the fact that this was the SECOND time such a ridiculous call was made in five days is even more...ridiculous.

    What, was there some big problem going on with runners bashing into infielders? Typical of how out of mindless the runaway corporation knowns as MLB operates these days. And yeah, it wouldn't stun me if it was found that umps are betting on various parts of the game.

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  13. I could not get the game last night. No idea why. Watched a little crappy anime and then went to bed.

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  14. Maybe the calls favoring the Angels were a tribute to their fallen Angel, Angel Hernandez. You know who else was a fallen angel? Satan. Just saying.

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  15. winnnnnnny ` what anime did yah Viddy last night?

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  16. AA, viddy well brother, viddy well...👺

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  17. These late starts kill me.

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  18. Thank You Kevin . . . that was real Horror Show of you

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