Worst loss of the season? Sorry, but the Verdugo Face-Plant remains the 2024 Gold Standard in Yankee ignominity

Dugy's Belly Flop is still number one

Give credit:  Last night, the juju gods summoned forth a truly great and memorable Yankee fiasco. 

If last night were a snack, it would be Pork Rinds. 

If last night were a line of poetry, it would be, "I think that I shall never see, a poem lovely as a tree." 

If last night were an SNL episode, it would be hosted by Steven Seagal. 

But but BUT... Last night hardly qualifies as the worst loss of this absolutely gruesome 2024 season. 

Sorry, gloom lovers, but that ignominious designation, which deserves a ceremonial urinal in Monument Park, came on the last day before the all-star break, when Anthony Volpe booted a game-ending grounder, followed by Alex Verdugo's belly flop in left field, a moment that will forever define his year as a Yankee, in a soul-crushing loss to Baltimore. 

In another season, for another franchise, last night's loss - on fucking John Sterling Night, no less; are they trying to kill him?- could foster a case of P.T.S.D. that would last a decade, but on this Yankees Roster of the Damned, it was just another blown game, a mosquito bite of anxiety that shall be forgotten by the weekend, when this Yankee team delivers its next out-of-body defeat.

To modern generations, the Yankees are not the team of 27 World Championships. They are the team that always shits the bed. 

That said, last night was a middling Yankee disgrace, despite some memorable moments of true malfeasance.

1. Trent Grishman slowing as he rounded third, enroute to being thrown out at home. Maybe the guy is just slow, but dashing for home, he didn't seem much faster than Giancarlo, whom he replaced. It's hard to not be much faster than Giancarlo. I doubt your grandmother can do it, but Grisham did. 

2. A six-run Cleveland 12th, highlighted by a bad call on a third strike, which soon led to a bases-clearing fly ball that future Met Juan Soto misplayed. I don't want to lay this on Soto, but his route to the ball might as well have taken a detour to Jersey City. 

3. A Batman cameo by the entire Yankee bullpen, meaning today the Scranton bus shuffle will run nonstop, full of pitchers whose names we may have never heard before. It will be like one of those Bar Rescue TV shows, where they rip out the paneling and remake a tavern overnight, except instead of liquor, they will only serve only Mad Dog 20-20. Is Scott Proctor still available? 

4. A back injury to our starter, Luis Gil. Never fear, the Yankees will assure us that he's fine, and then we won't see him for a month. Gil has been one of the few bright spots in the Yankee future. Of course, he's hurt. All season, the Yankees have talked about limiting his innings load, and then they did nothing, just running him out there to throw as long as possible. Now, he's got a bad back. Perfect.

5. DJ LeMahieu failing to step on 1B on a DP grounder. It was a tough play, but the kind he used to make, back in his early 30s. Right now, he's certifiably awful. Last night, he went 0-for-five, seemingly coming up every time with the game on the line - and producing nothing. Listen: LeMahieu is a fine human being, formerly a great future Yankee. But the look on his face is proof that he knows how bad he is.

6. The Yankees going 1-16 with runners in scoring position. Incredibly frustrating. A master class in embarrassment, of course, commemorated by Aaron Judge being intentionally walked, with no ensuing payback by the Yankees.  

7. Alex Verdugo going 0-6 and botching a foul pop fly (along with Oswaldo Cabrera) down the left field line. It should have been caught. But look at it this way: Doogie didn't face-plant. So, just another loss. Didn't hurt a bit. Thank you, sir, may I have another? Whap. Thank you, sir, may I have another? Whap. Thank you, sir, may I have another...?