I'm sitting in a misty drizzle at the stadium yesterday, the kind of permitting moisture you feel when you get off the bus at Niagra Falls a full 1/4 mile from the falls themselves and you start to realize that no matter what you are wearing you are inappropriately dressed.
The game was an hour and a half delayed and despite the blaring, distorted, relentless soundtrack from hell emanating from the speakers, the disquieting feeling you get when you know you are sitting on something wet, and the monotonous flashing on the Jumbotron of, "The Game Is In Rain Delay", as if we didn't know, I am optimistic.
Before I say why, I want to mention two things...
1) Wasn't there a time when the Yankees employed an old guy to wipe your seats down before you sat? I believe they were called ushers or something like that.
2) The soundtrack, such as it was, included an ENGLISH version of the viral song Numa Numa, which shouldn't even exist.
Why? Just why?Yes I was optimistic, because I looked at the lineup, bereft of our best hitters, getting ready to slog it out in a meaningless game, and I sat at 92 Wins.
All the Yankees had to do was get swept by the Pirates and my ascension to the IIHIIF Hall of Fame was insured.
Of course he does. He is my least favorite Yankee, who has screwed me more times than I can mention.
This is followed by a home run by Grisham, who, particularly when he wears his sun glasses, looks like a DEA or FBI agent.
2-0.
The Yankees would score four.
Pittsburgh came back to get within one and fortunately Aaron Boone decided to give Mark Leiter Jr's legendary "swing and miss" stuff one more outing in preparation of him putting a playoff game out of reach.
Leiter didn't disappoint as he let an inherited runner score. The game was tied.
The Yankees scored two more. 6-4.
My grip on immortality was fading fast.
Then, in the ninth, I thought my luck had changed. In preparation for having him blow a save in a playoff game, Aaron Boone brought in Yankee Closer Clay Holmes, my second least favorite Yankee. (I do not have a picture of him trying to hit me in the head.)
Amazingly, he got the save dooming not only my bid for imortality but dooming the Yankees in the post season as Boone now thinks this guy can save games.
My prediction for ALDS Yankee Post-Season wins... two. I can only hope I'm one short again.
Doug - did you happen to take any of those fries from that fellow sitting in front of you?
ReplyDeleteThat was no fellow. That was my wife.
DeleteHuh - I thought the person, screen right, wearing the cap and not covered in plastic was holding the fries . . .
DeleteIf they play the Royals, anyone wanna predict Salvador Perez's stats for the series? Something like 15 for 18, 4 homers, 16 RBI. Ain't gonna be pretty for us Yankee fans.
ReplyDeleteIf they play the Boyds, Santander goes 9 for 17, 3 homers, 12 RBI.
Either way, Yanks get crushed, shut out. I don't know if they'll score a run in the three games. Might even get no-hit in two games.
BTW they keep changing the stupid rules, I don't even know how many games are required to clinch. I assume, it's best of five. Major League Baseball now feels like a pickup game in somebody's backyard. (That there tree is a home run. If you hit that house, it's an automatic double. If you hit one through yonder window, everyone run for their lives. Old Man Evans is a Hemingway fan, used to go on African safaris and has an elephant gun, Winchester .458, and he ain't afraid to use it.)
Oh. Oh my. You think this team can win two games in the postseason? I would guffaw, but I don't know what "guffaw" means.
ReplyDeletePlease please please please will someone rid me of this bothersome Boone? I'm serious. Someone needs to do something drastic to rid us of Boone.
Fuck Boone.
Boone personally threw away at least ten wins this year, probably more. If it was anyone else managing this year, even Tom Sawyer's Aunt, this team wins more than a 100 games.
ReplyDeleteWow, aren't we Yankee fans blessed to have to wait five days for doomsday? During that time, we can all sit around here in this parlor room and predict how brutal the 2024 Yankee Collapse will be. How will Boone & Co. fuck it up this time?
ReplyDeleteAlready hear rumblings about how they're only going to have two full squad workouts and spend the rest of their time studying video.
ReplyDeleteI think the best way to stay sharp is to divide the roster up into teams and play a meaningful game every day. How to make it meaningful? Losers have to pay for the whores, pizza and soda.
HoG - it is also being reported that the team will be doing a team building excursion on Wednesday to the Chuck E. Cheese Pizza on 700 Exterior Street in the Bronx. Rookies will be dressing up as Teletubbies.
DeleteHowever they decide to do their workouts, I know that Carlos Rodon will be out there, working out every day.
ReplyDeleteGreat piece, Doug! And to us, you are already immortal!
ReplyDeleteMets losing, 2-0, in the first game. Bader grounded out with men on second and third. He's now 10-82 in the limited action he's seen since Aug. 15th. Gee, what a surprise that Brian Cashman thought he would put us over the top in 2022.
ReplyDeleteLos Mets put up 6 runs in the top of the eight. I would slake my thirst on the slaty tears of the Braves. If I knew what "slake" meant.
ReplyDeleteFuck the Braves!
I can't say that I'm optimistic about a Ring. This team is too easy to pitch around (yeah Wells and Stanton COULD turn things upside down), the pitching staff isn't deep, or filled with bulldogs, and finally Gleybor will do what Gleybor does, at the worst possible moment. And then there's Boooone. Maybe I've just lost my youthful optimism, twenty or so years back...
ReplyDeleteOh, you're right, Kevin. Some part of us ALWAYS thinks that, somehow, this year they'll turn it around in the playoffs. And they never do. I think the last time they surprised me was in the miracle year of 1996.
ReplyDeleteIs it just me, or do you feel like punching Cashman when he starts with that "playoffs are a crapshoot" business? Talk about a built in excuse to not spend money or have any accountability! It's even worse than weather forecasters giving us rain chances in percentage values. By that logic they are never wrong!
DeleteAnd yes, Mets up! Braves now with two on, one out in the 8th. They're bringing Diaz in to try for a five-out save. Ulp.
ReplyDeleteI think we can safely say that Edwin Diaz is the Clay Holmes of Flushing.
ReplyDeleteDiaz failed to cover first, negating a great stab at first by Alonso, then gave up a walk and a three-run double. 7-6 Braves, headed into the 9th.
ReplyDeleteLindor! Unbelievable game!
ReplyDeleteTears all around!! Drink deeply of the pain of our enemies!!
ReplyDeleteDiaz doing his Aroldis Holmes impersonation.
ReplyDeleteWow.
ReplyDeleteTwo people, I never want to see in a Yankee uniform again are Leiter and Warren. The Yankees should sell them to a rebel army as explosive devices. I hear Semtex is getting harder to come by. These two guys are better.
ReplyDeleteLeiter is here because of that secret society of nepo-babies who run the Yankees. What's Warren's excuse?
Wait a second but did Aaron Boone take over Verizon Wireless today? Asking for,,,,,MYSELF!!!!
ReplyDeleteRIP Pete Rose. Banned for life for doing what MLB now promotes and embraces. Cheaters like the Asstros and multiple steroid and enhancers are lionized and given second careers, but the all-time hit leader remains a leper for eternity.
ReplyDeleteFuck you Steinbrenner, et al, fuck all you money grubbing hypocrites
Bitter irony, no? I was for Rose being banned. For God's sake he could have LEAST not bet on his team! But with pro sports becoming partners with gambling outfits... A mockery
DeleteThey certainly are, hypocrites, 999, and embracing gambling big time is crazy. But Rose knew what he was doing—and lied about it for years, to people who felt he got a bad rap. Then he did an ad making fun of it all. I never liked the guy since I watched him basically destroy Ray Fosse's career in an all-star game. May he be in Heaven before the devil knows he's dead, but I was never a fan.
ReplyDeleteHoss, I’m not saying the man was a saint, but players like Ortiz are now icons. Eventually, Bonds and the rest of the better living through chemistry will be in the HOF, but Rose will not.
DeleteLet's not forget the Bud Harrelson incident..... But 999 has a valid point considering that those cheating dirtbags will one day be lionized for cheating. And I know exactly the arguments that will persuade the young and naive to vote the bastards in. AND THAT INCLUDES YOU, MR. FRAUD DAVID ORTIZ! Everytime I see you getting paid to yuck it up on camera my ass craves hot coffee. You know that you wouldn't played past thirty if it wasn't for The Juice, you sorry SOB!
DeleteAnd RIP Kris Kristofferson. 5 best songs
ReplyDelete5. To Beat the Devil
4. Help Me Make It Through the Night.
3. Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again)
2. Sunday Morning, Coming Down
1. Me and Bobby McGee
And his performance as Whistler in Blade
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