Monday, September 2, 2024

The Martian has landed... in Scranton

First off, on this Labor Day, I got nothin' to say about the Yankees. Nothin.' They're dead to me. Can't hold a lead. Can't catch a routine fly. Can't hit when it matters. And they're cheap to the bone.

They won't call up Jasson Dominguez until it's clear that he cannot come to bat enough times to affect his rookie status for 2025. It's a cheap trick, (and I don't mean the band.) By leaving him to fester in Scranton, they'll squeeze an extra year of contractual control over The Martian. They will show him who's boss, and they will give Juan Soto a reminder of how conniving this organization can be, when a season is on the line.  

If the Yankees can't win a regular series - I mean, a home series against a certified tomato can - how can we expect them to win a world series?

Well, the answer is, we shouldn't expect anything. Yes, this team will make the playoffs - because of its opening two months, which were otherworldly. Ever since, Brian Cashman has simply treaded water. They'll play in October, and maybe they'll get lucky. Trouble is, at some point in the playoffs, they'll take a lead into the late innings... and the roof will fall in. 

Seriously, 

we've seen this movie played out for 15 years. We sleep in the house, and it turns out to be really haunted, after all. In the  end, the walls crush us, and Cashman - the real demon - goes back to work, summoning us again for next year.  

Nope, we should be following Scranton. To the right are the team leaders over the last 15 days - a 1B, an OF and a utility infielder. Rumfield, 24, has never made the prospect lists. (Guy is 6'5" though, looks good coming off the bus.) The Martian is stuck in limbo. Durbin is also 24; he's only 5'6",  a scrapper. Any one would help the Yankees... if he could pitch. 

Nope, this is a Labor Day without a lotta hope. If you're talking about the Yankees, I got nothin.'  Wait, no, I take it back: How 'bout that Jorbit Vivas!

13 comments:

  1. Some one I use to know use to call this team The New Look Stankees. It endlessly entertained this low brow knuckle dragger because they thought it was immensely clever and enjoyed how it affected me. Today, thinking back I’m beginning to think that this human door knob may have been on to something. However - I’d magnanimously modify his genius and instead call them: The Same Look Stankees. Thanks for listening. Please remember to flush and wash your hands before leaving.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Employees must wash hands after using bathroom. Soto and Judge are in slumps. Soto is terrible in the outfield. He started out great and has been getting worse all year.

    All hail the mighty Rizzo. He looked great yesterday, and probably wondered what the fuck is going on with this team. Lousy pitching, lousy defense, just plain lousy. 39-39 since the beginning of June. Another Cashman assemblage of goofballs led by the amblin', good guy, shit-for-brains manager.

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  3. Not sure why the team has buried Rumfeld. I follow SWB as much as I can, and he’s been their most consistent hitter and won a minor league gold glove. I guess there’s some analytics rule he’s broken.

    I did my raving and ranting yesterday, but Soto played one of the worst games I’ve ever seen. How many balls did he fucking misplay yesterday? He hit .222 in August.

    No worries, we’ll back into the playoffs before losing in the first round.

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  4. Nothing really matters. Love your loved ones, be nice to your dogs and cats and, in the words of Walt Whitman, "give alms to all who ask." Just like the charitable Hal, with the noblesse oblige attitude of "Look at all I give them, these ingrates." I know it's always been a business, but SOMEBODY HAS GOT TO GIVE A SHIT. Turns out the Core Four were the ones carrying the torch all those years. Professional pride. Where is that on today's team? NOT that I'm blaming the players. Y'all know how I feel and whose feet I place the golden turd at. Fuck Hal, fuck Brian, fuck Bo
    Boonie and Blitzen....

    ReplyDelete
  5. That’s a bunch of fuckin’
    . . . . . .
    No maw, no maw
    Said the man who’s raw
    As he’s shown the daw
    Drippin’ chaw
    Near the end of
    twenty twenty faw

    ReplyDelete
  6. You guys have run through all that is most aggravating about this team. It is the opaqueness of it all that is most maddening.

    Yes, why ISN'T Rumfeld given a chance? Or Durbin? Well, analytics. Why isn't The Martian on the roster today? Well, if he only has so many at-bats, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then the Yanks will get an extra super-duper draft pick and year of control sometime in the 2030s...

    All nonsense, all the time, posing as strategy.

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  7. In an effort to lift the mood, like farting at a wake, here’s this day in NYY history:
    September 2, 1996, was the day that David Cone returned to the Yankees’ mound after recovering and rehabbing from May shoulder surgery to remove an aneurysm. Joe Torre, following the pitch count from the game plan they had established going in, did the generally unthinkable, taking the ball from Cone after seven innings of a still intact no-hitter. Mariano Rivera allowed one hit in finishing up the 5-0 win over Oakland.

    Some good names in there, Happy Labor Day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. those us us in CA at the time LOVED that game, ACK ACK ACK

      Delete
  8. We live, love Yankees
    But, being a “fanatic”
    means we get heartbroke.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Why give Dominguez a shot when you have a pich runner and a stiff in left field, whom Dominguez can certainly do better than. Dukey boy 0-8 in the majors and .205 lifetime in the minors. This is what Genius Cashman likes. Maybe he thinks that Duke is related to the New London Strongboy, John Ellis.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So I read about a fetishist who dresses in rubber and pays homeowners to sit inside of their septic tanks ( no lie). Unfortunately it sucks if you don't have that fetish and you attended the game yesterday,,,,,,

    FUCK YOU HAL!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Win a series? Like an important one?

    Ahh-ah-hahahaa-hahahaha-hahahaa-hahahaha-hahahaa-hahahaha-hahahaa-hahahaha!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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