Three Bittersweet Juan Soto Jokes

Knock. Knock.

Who’s there?

Juan Soto.

Thank G-d! Come on in! Can I get you a drink or something?

Uh… I just came by to get a few things. I thought you were at work.

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Hal Steinbrenner, Steve Cohen, and Scott Boras walk into a bar…

Cohen says, “I will convince Juan Soto to sign with whichever one of you convinces me that you have the best deal."

Hal goes first. He pulls out an IBM Think Pad and, after spending a minute and a half getting it turned on, shows Scott Boras a Power Point presentation that begins with slides of Ruth and Gehrig, Mantle and Maris and Judge and Soto. 

The subsequent slides show rises in merch sales, attendance figures, and the percentage of Dominicans that live in the Bronx. 

The presentation continues with a rendering of Juan Soto’s retired number and plaque in Monument Park 

The final slide reads “$760 million dollars! The highest contract ever offered to a baseball player!”

While this is happening Steve Cohen talks quietly into his IPhone21, a product that has not yet hit the market. When Scott Boras turns to him and says, “You’re up”, Cohen says to his phone, “Siri. What will it take to make Juan Soto a Met for life?”  Siri replies “$765 million dollars.” 

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Juan Soto is sitting in his penthouse in Manhattan when the phone rings. It’s his good buddy Gleyber Torres.  

Soto: “Gleebs! Que pasada me amigo grande?.” 

(The rest of the conversation is translated mostly into English because ALM Spanish Level One only covered where the library was and that papas fritas meant French Fries. Sorry Senora Rothburger. I guess I should have stayed with it.)

Gleyber: I heard you are going to sign with the Mets.  Muy bien! Were you able to pull off that thing we discussed? You know where you tell them you’ll only sign with them if they sign me to play second.

Soto: Lo siento. He said, “No. We’re trying to win.”