The Mets are already ahead of us.

 

The Mets, always eager to jump aboard a silly trend, introduced five new mascots this year, so they can join the Washington Nationals' "tradition" of having mascot races.

Why five? Well, they are supposed to represent each of New York City's boroughs.

As you can see below, assembled on the barren, rain-swept concrete of the lovely Piazza Metropolitana, the five are, from left to right:

Manhattan (what seems to be a skyscraper with sunglasses), Brooklyn (a pizza slice with a headband), Staten Island (a ferry boat with a hat), the Bronx (a cross-eyed giraffe), and Queens, a subway car with a pigeon on top.

Uh, okay. 

Adding this bunch to the ones they already have—Mr. and Mrs. Met, and Grimace, a McDonald's-"inspired" branding creature, and the Metsies could almost field an entire team of mascots. 

As usual with the Mets, it's all pretty lame. Big Mets p.r. news: supposedly Mr. Met spent the offseason getting jacked in the gym. Okay.

And why a subway car for Queens? And if so, why not one of the old "Redbird" subway cars, once so ubiquitous on the 7 Line? (And now heroically holding back the rising Atlantic waters as part of a manmade reef, out somewhere beyond the Narrows.)

This reminds me of nothing so much as when snotty Manhattanites gave Brooklyn the name for its fabled team by deriding residents of the borough as "trolley dodgers"—when there were trollies all over New York. 

A subway car? Yeah, that's unique to Queens.

But I have to admit, the first mascot race was pretty funny, not to mention very timely. The Bronx giraffe, standing in for you-know-who, got way out ahead, then arrogantly tried to mock all the other mascots by running backwards—and toppled over. It lay there, unable to right itself, skinny giraffe legs kicking in the air.

I don't know what could better symbolize your New York Yankees.

The sad truth of the matter is that the 2025 Mets have not yet begun to fight, yet they are already ahead of the arrogant, flailing, doofus team from the Bronx. 

The Mets as a team so far are hitting just .210, with a .642 OPS. Juan Soto, the generational talent they snatched away from the Stumbling Giraffes, is hitting only .279 thus far, with just 1 homer and 4 RBI. Francisco Lindor, their star shortstop and second only to Shohei "Tumbling Dice" Ohtani in the MVP race last year, is at just .244, with only 1 dinger and 5 ribbies.

And yet...the Queens team is already 8-4, in first place in the NL East, and a game better than our boys tired old men in pinstripes.

How do they do it? Well, pitching, for one thing. The Mets' team ERA is just 2.10, as opposed to 4.44 for our hurlers. 

Most of all, though, the advantage they have is David Stearns, the genuine talent in the front office, as opposed to Brian "2,500 (2,000 of which belong to Gene Michael)" Cashman. 

Stearns is the real deal, and once his lineup unlimbers, it's going to be terrific. Soto won't be anything without Aaron Judge behind him? Soto—who is already as ubiquitous on the basepaths as ever—will do just as well, maybe better, with Lindor ahead of him and a revived Pete Alonso, who already has 3 homers, 15 RBI, a .333 BA and 1.118 OPS, behind him.

Oh, yeah, remember him? Alonso, the Polar Bear? The guy the Yanks could have had for a song, in retaliation for the Soto heist, if nothing else?

Hey, in fairness, the guy had a lot of strikes against him. He had a bad year in 2024, and was turning 30. So Hal & Pal spurned him for Paul Goldschmidt, who...had a bad year in 2024, and is now 38. Made sense. Cashman sense.

And now, just two weeks into the season, Pal is diving into dumpsters all over the place, looking to fill up the holes he didn't fix in the offseason, and where the rain is already coming in. Third base, anybody? Starting pitching? (Not like anyone else needs that.) 

Even worse, every one of the great, young acquisitions that Wish-and-a-Prayer Cashman was counting on seems to be flailing like, well, a cross-eyed giraffe that has fallen and can't get up. 

Austin Wells, while treating us all to videos rating breakfast burritos in other towns, shows no sign of picking up from where he fell down last August, hitting .189 with 0 homers and only 2 RBI after the first 3 games of the season. Goldschmidt's BA is high, but he is displaying almost no power, with 1 HR and 3 ribbies. 

Jazz is down to .180, while leading the AL in strikeouts. Volpe is flashing power, but is down to .234, and has been caught in both his base-stealing attempts. The Oswaldii are doing all right, but for whatever reason have not been able to fight their way into Boone's (read, Cashman's) Circle of Trust, which these days is better protected and hidden than the Fortress of Solitude. 

The Martian is looking like yet another Yankees "prodigy" left so long on the vine that he has ripened and rotted, a young player who, despite many years in the farm system, seems to have shockingly few skills. Oh, and Bellinger's already hurt his back. 

Of the pitching, we should not even speak. Except...

After Pete Alonso put the Mets into the division series with a massive home run off Devin Williams, of those two players, the guy we decided to pick up on a one-year contract was...the guy who surrendered the home run, not the one who hit it.

If free agency had existed in 1951, Brian Cashman would have signed up Ralph Branca. 

Sure, the Mets have their holes, and they might not have enough starting pithing to go very far. Edwin Diaz remains a cipher, as he does most years. But with a GM who knows what he's doing and an owner all too eager to shell out his ill-gotten gains, the Mets are just getting started. Wait and see how good Luisangel Acuña is when they finally slot him into the starting lineup. Watch who Stearns has pitching for this team a year from now. 

Don't let the Queens team's incorrigible silliness distract you. They are on the rise. As for the Yanks...who's the subway pigeon now?