I Alone Can Fix It… (Part One)

Secret Asian Man Edition

Every year around this time I sit at my desk…

(Actually I sit on an old school La-Z-Boy Rocker Recliner that my son picked up at a garage sale and gave to me as a Father’s Day present)

and stare at a bunch of articles about the Yankee off-season that I printed out and placed on a trio of presentation boards, and, using push pins, red string, and an intuitive almost supernatural understanding of the universe, worthy of at least five seasons of an ABC crime procedural, start to solve the Yankees myriad issues.

Because, let’s face it, the way this franchise is run is a crime scene.  

But, before I dive in, I want to say something about the La-Z-Boy Rocker Recliner, the old school ones with the handle, not this push button bullshit or the ones for people of my age but of more decrepit condition, that lift the sitter out of the chair by tilting it over so far that it’s either stand or die.

When I was taking one of two semesters off from college I worked selling La-Z-Boys.  

Even though it was a part time job, I also worked as a TA in a Bronx HS, I was their number one salesman. Not because I was particularly good at furniture sales, I wasn’t, the second a swatch book came out my eyes would glaze over, and don’t get me started on end tables. No really don’t get me started because to this day I prefer a snack tray, they are easier to move.

The reason I was so good was I understood the concept of the chair and its importance to the working man.  

I would explain that only La-Z-Boy had the independent foot rest with 36 different settings so you could have your feet up and exactly where you want them to be WITHOUT having to recline. I’d also show them that because it’s separate you could lean back and rock without having to have your feet up. Combine the two and you always find your most comfortable position.

These were major points in La-Z-Boy’s favor and usually clinched the deal. 

But what made me Number One despite my lack of hours was my ability to upsell.

I would take the husband aside after distracting the wife with a swatch book and dreams of end tables, and say…

“Look, I know you plan to buy this one (The lesser model – I forget its name) but look at it this way, every night for the next ten to fifteen years, and it has a lifetime warranty on the mechanism by the way, you are going to sit in this chair.

This is going to be where you relax after a long day of work. Where you watch TV, have a drink, read the paper… Where you live!

Get the Joe Willie. I know it’s more than you wanted to spend I get that but, fifteen years of sitting in a good chair vs. fifteen years sitting on the best chair La-Zy Boy makes…  Here, sit in the Namath chair again and then tell me where you want to sit after you finally get home after a long day at work. “

CaChing!

May I add, I never felt like I was conning them. It was a great fucking chair. I bought one myself. (At cost!) Shlepped it up to school when I went back, (Another great feature - it came apart into two pieces so it could fit in my car) and had the best place to sit on campus.

But I digress..

So, every year I sit in my La-Z-Boy and take a shot at what next year’s roster could/should be.

The outfield situation aside, the big question right now in Yankeeland is what Japanese player should we make sure we sign?

We really need to sign one.

The Dodgers are kicking our asses and not just on the field.

The inroads into the Japanese market the franchise made with Tanaka, Kuroda, and my favorite Yankee of the last twenty years, Hideki Matsui, are long, long, gone.

Fortunately the available players dovetail perfectly into our areas of greatest needs, starting pitcher and corner infielder.

Murakami – 1B and 3B

I thought this guy was perfect until I read on this blog and elsewhere, that he’s not a particularly good fielder and apparently can’t hit a fastball above 93 MPH.  When I first read this I was drinking milk and did a spit take worthy of Danny Thomas. So, uh, no!

Kazuma Okamoto 1B and 3B

Missed a lot of games with a left elbow injury. Not a great fielder. Right handed hitter. Already 30. The Yankees can’t afford to have a left side of the infield with two guys who can’t play the position.

Solution;  Sung Mun Song  1B 2B 3B

OK he’s Korean and plays in the KGB or whatever their league is called but he hit’s for power and average and is both a good and a versatile fielder. Plus we have McMahon as a defensive 3B under contract. Song might even be hand for (forgive me) a song coming in at below market as Korean players don’t have the cache or the “certainty” of Japanese players.   He has not been posted yet but the rumor is that he will be soon.  This is the guy.

But what of the Japanese market?

Tatsuya Imai – Pitcher

Here’s the thing.  The Yankees can’t afford to have, “Kei Igawa Syndrome’. Yes they lost out on Yamamoto and Sasaki and the last time they signed a Japanese pitcher on the rebound was a colossal failure  but they have to take the chance.

They need another starter. Cole, Schmidt, and Rodon won’t be available to start the season and who knows if they will be any good when they return. As we learned from their failure to win the division, games in April count just as much as games in September. 

Cashman always talks about a crapshoot.

Roll the dice.