This Yankee Winter of Despair cannot last forever.
And maybe we're handling it all wrong.
Maybe we should follow the Trumpian model of governance: Never admit a mistake, never acknowledge a defeat, always accuse your critics of lying, always say everything is great, and if it's not, just claim everything is rigged.
Why can't we apply that mindset to the Yankees? We don't need to sit around and mope. Screw the wind-chill index; damn the polar vortex. Let's merrily assume - as the Yankees are willing to do - that last year's runner-up, trotted out again, will win in 2026. Fukkit. Let's climb aboard the bandwagon and claim that everything will work. And if doesn't - well, shit, it's just a baseball team, right?
From now on, I'm simply going to assume that...
Cam Schlittler is the pitcher who shut down Boston in the playoffs, which means he'll replace Max Fried as our ace and challenge for the Cy Young award. Moreover, our farm system will churn out more Schlittlers, boosting the rotation and bullpen. We have nothing to worry about, but worrying-about, itself.
Aaron Judge will have an injury-free season and win another MVP award. Why do I think this? Because he will be protected in the lineup by Giancarlo Stanton, who will have an injury-free season and challenge for another MVP award. Together, they will anchor a batting order, which has an injury-free season and collects awards like Bad Bunny at the Grammys.
Gerrit Cole and Carlos Rodon will return from injuries as the pitchers they were before surgery. They will suffer no problems, whatsoever. And Cole will always cover first base on grounders to the right side.
Anthony Volpe will NOT return as the player he was before surgery. He'll finally become the Yankee SS of the future, who settles the infield and hits.
The Martian will start his season at Scranton, devote himself to the Zen of fielding, and return to refresh the Yankees in July, for the stretch drive.
The Yankees will receive their rings in the newly opened Trump White House Ballroom, after a parade down the Canyon of Trump. Next winter, we'll look out of our windows to see roses in bloom, while smiling ICE agents stand guard.
This just in from the White House Press Secretary:
ReplyDeleteA DOCTRINE OF RETURN TO ENSLAVIFICATION AND THE PRESIDENTIAL RIGHT OF PRIMA NACHTA
I, Donald J. Trump, in order to make the United States of America great again, do hereby declare the following policies effective immediately:
1. Slavery was a very important part of what made America great. In fact, America was built on the backs of slaves. Therefore, effective on President's Day, February 16, 2026, , all persons of color shall report to Plymouth Rock, Massachusetts, where they will be bound in chains and then sold by auction to the highest bidder. (Certain persons of color, such as Aaron Judge and Anthony Volpe, will be provided exclusionary waivers, upon payment of a $1 million fee for a freedom permit, as they look sufficiently white to pass the eye test.)
2. The principle of prima nachta has been endowed upon the sovereign since ancient times. Therefore, effective immediately, I exercise the right of prima nachta to insert my presidential penis into the vagina of every unmarried female in the United States of America. Through the concept of delegation of powers, I also invoke the power to delegate the insertion of other penises into these vaginas, so long as the owners of said penises have been personally empowered to do so by me, the Presidential Penis of the United States of America.
Re: dictum (dicktum?) #2, age verification NOT required…
DeleteLOL
DeleteAmerica was built on thrusting into youth. Witness Edgar Allen Poe and his 13 year old bride cousin, Jerry Lee Lewis and his 13 year old bride cousin, Jimmy Page (although an Englishman, close enough, we'll annex Great Britain soon) and his 14 year old girlfriend Lori Maddox. History abounds with teeny boppers.
Almost forgot, Errol Flynn. Why, I should be whipped, flogged, and flagellated. He was found not guilty of statutory rape of a 17 year old girl after trial, Hollywood style. He said he hardly touched her. In like Flynn. Good ol' Flynn. He once gave me a few pointers on acting. I can't say nothin' bad about him. He's one of my cinematic heroes. What a guy!
DeleteHammer, thank you for your attention to this matter.
DeleteHammer, it would be funnier if it didn't actually seem possible.
ReplyDeleteVolpe is the Yankee SS of the future. He can play when he's 35.
Remember that year when the Baby Bombers came up to replace injured starters and electrified the team? And we won a lot until the regulars came back to play their usual lackluster, dull, unexciting game? And then we lost a lot?
ReplyDeleteWouldn't it be interesting if that happened this year? It might even be great to watch.
Hey, ya never know. These things happen.
“I have seen the future, and it is murder…” -Leonard Cohen
ReplyDeleteAccording to yahoo, Team USA Olympic athletes are saying they have "mixed emotions" about representing the USA. Exercishing their right of free speech has spurred backlash. https://www.yahoo.com/sports/articles/team-usa-skiers-spark-olympic-172417622.html
ReplyDeleteSo I guess MAGA people believe that athletes who have conscience and true patriotism (those who support the Constitution and due process), should just shut up and perform and waive their American flags whilst ICE and DHS thugs detain, arrest, murder U.S. citizens on the streets and even in their own homes. I think the athlete who said he's got mixed emotions is just telling the truth. And I think that if you don't have mixed emotions, you're not a real American. Ain't it ironic, but MAGA supporters really need to go to Russia or effing Communist China and join up with Putin or Xi Jinping. In those places, athletes (and everyone else) waive their country's flag and kowtow to their leaders no matter what's being done to them.
I really hope mixed emotion athletes win gold, then come back home and never shut up about the shit that's going on here. We need the American people to stand up and shout. (quoting Ronny James Dio there)
ReplyDeleteCourtesy the Rolling Stones:
ReplyDeleteYou're not the only one
With mixed emo----tions
Hear, hear, Hammer. I would love to hear some of these athletes come right out and slam the Nazi-wannabes.
ReplyDeleteOn a completely different topic: how did Airbnb get the rights to use the Beatles' original recording of Golden Slumbers on their TV commercial? I know other people have the rights to some of their songs, but not the actual recordings they did. That's why a lot of TV spots have used a Beatles song, but redone by someone else.
Maybe I should look it up...
"I would love to hear some of these athletes come right out and slam the Nazi-wannabes."
DeleteYeah, I'm sure that's a-comin' up. Soon as somebody wins a gold medal, they'll have a platform for social change. Come along a baby, whole lotta shakin' goin' on!!!
Yeah, Apple is selling Fab Four recordings to "keep the music alive to a new generation." Um, yeah, sure. Though I think Paul, Ringo, and John and George's families have to bless ii.
ReplyDeleteThe last pillar falls. Oh, well. They held out for over 50 years, with the exception of Revolution in that Nike commercial back in the 80s. Which still bugs me to this day.
Hey, Led Zeppelin ... effin' LED ZEPPELIN, sold out "Rock n Roll" to that Cadillac commercial. If that can happen, you know anything can....
DeleteI don't begrude it to them. Hey, if you're never going to perform again live, might as well cash in all your chips before you leave the ol' saloon for the last time.
DeleteJM, Apple isn't selling any Beatles music. Michael Jackson purchased their publishing rights some 20 years ago. His heirs, or his estate to be more precise.
DeleteThis is not going to be a good season in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteHammer, I can give you great acting pointers as well. The only thing that prevented me from becoming a great Broadway superstar is my penis. It's so big that I always tripped over it when moving around the stage
ReplyDeleteCarl, you shoulda been an Olympic ski jumper! No penis enlargement necessary.
DeleteHammer, I tried doing the Fosbury Flop during the1976 olympics trials when "pole" vaulting. My technique was awful and only succeeded in getting butt bruising from the bar.
ReplyDeleteYou were lucky you didn't break your pole!
DeleteSadly, our winter of despair WILL last forever...or at least our mortal forever. Don't know about you guys, but Hal is over 11 years younger than I am.
ReplyDeleteOur one hope: the whole kit and kaboodle of MLB blows sky high next year.
Wasn’t Kit & Kaboodle a 70’s girls pop band?
DeleteDuque "The Yankees will receive their rings in the newly opened Trump White House Ballroom, after a parade down the Canyon of Trump."
ReplyDeleteWill those be nose rings or cock rings?
Re: Beatles catalog, Source: American Songwriter.
ReplyDeleteKey details regarding ownership of The Beatles' catalog:
Primary Owner: Sony Music Publishing (formerly Sony/ATV) holds the rights to most of the Lennon-McCartney song catalog.
The Jackson Legacy: Michael Jackson bought ATV Music (which owned the Beatles' songs) in 1985 for $47.5 million. He later merged this with Sony in 1995 to form Sony/ATV.
McCartney's Reclaim: Through a confidential 2017 settlement, Paul McCartney began "clawing back" U.S. publishing rights for many of his songs.
Master Recordings: While Sony owns the publishing (lyrics/composition), the original master recordings are managed and owned by Universal Music Group via EMI/Capitol.
Limitations: The reclamation of rights by McCartney generally applies only to the United States; Sony retains ownership in most other regions.
My take : Publishers & songwriters are handsomely remunerated when their songs are us3 in advertisements and commercials. Why do they do it? Money…Dough, bread, loot, moolah, cash, scratch, bacon, clams, bread, lettuce, simoleons, gelt, wampum….
God Bless Capitalism!
IMO, no Olympic athlete will come right out and bash current events in the USA. They are sponsored by corporations, and you can be sure the spineless American capitalists who run American corporations will pull the funding of any athlete so bold as to express a negative opinion about the tactics of the Turd Reich. The spirit of Tommie Smith and John Carlos is long dead at the Olympic games.
ReplyDeleteWhich is why they should wait 'til they win a gold medal, then say what they want.
DeleteCourtesy Creedance Clearwater Revival (a sad commentary on our times; the more things change, the more they stay the same):
ReplyDeleteSome folks are born made to wave the flag
They're red, white and blue (looking at you, MAGA)
And when the band plays "Hail to the Chief"
They point the cannon at you, Lord
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no senator's son, son
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no fortunate one
Some folks are born, silver spoon in hand
Lord, don't they help themselves, yeah
But when the taxman comes to the door
The house look a like a rummage sale (looking at you, Trump)
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no millionaire's son, no, no
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no fortunate one
Yeah, some folks inherit star-spangled eyes
They send you down to war (again looking at you, draft dodger Trump)
And when you ask 'em, "How much should we give?"
They only answer, "More, more, more"
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no military son, son
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no fortunate one, one
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no fortunate one
It ain't me, it ain't me
I ain't no fortunate one
One of my all time favorite songs of any genre!
DeleteThis song is as relevant today as it was when it was released in late '69.
DeleteSenator Eric Schmitt of Missouri said that America belongs to white people, specifically, white people who colonized America and wrote the Constitution. So, in his view, America belongs to white people who descended from "the Founding Fathers". https://newrepublic.com/post/199933/republican-senator-schmitt-speech-america-belongs-to-us
ReplyDeleteAnd this view is probably held by about 40 % of American citizens. Yes, it's the MAGA folks who voted for this treasonous vermin-in-chief currently occupying our White House. And I believe there's even a law school professor (a female daughter of a dog) who wrote a book espousing such nonsense. (I forget her name, her state and her law school. Thanks be to God.)
What Schmitt and this other law school professor fool leaves out is that most white Americans today are not actual descendants of that great holy constitutional race. In fact, Eric Schmitt, as a German would have been regarded as a piece of shit by the standards of the day. Throughout history, Germans, Italians, other Europeans, and of course, people from Africa or Asia were considered less than horse crap. Applying Eric Schmitt's own definition of America to him, he himself is a piece of crap. Does he realize that? I don't think so; he is too ignorant and stupid of a hypocrite to see that he's smearing his own face with horse crap.
America belongs to everyone who swears to uphold the Constitution and does his/her best to uphold it. The Constitution specifies that "all men are created equal". Black men fought for the colors of our America. We all fought a Civil War for the soul of America. Later on, native Americans fought and died for our America. And even during World War II, Japanese-American citizens fought and died for our America, even whilst their families were wrongfully imprisoned in concentration camps (for being of the wrong color skin) Those Japanese-Americans said that, although greatly wronged, there was nothing else they could do but fight for THEIR country, AMERICA.
So I suggest to Eric Schmitt, that you take your stupid fantasies of white nationalism elsewhere, perhaps to Russia. Hey, maybe we can make a deal with Denmark's government: why not deport Eric Schmitt and all of his followers to Greenland so they can make themselves "New American Greenlanders", and we can import the current Greenlanders and make them real Americans?
And a warning to those who would restrict citizenship to those who have proper national origin or ethnicity credentials: look no further than the example of ancient Sparta. Sparta, where citizenship became so restricted that there were only a few hundred "real" Spartan men left to man their army. (And they got their butts handed to them in the end.)
ReplyDeleteAnd for an example of anti-immigration isolation and border closures, look no further than the island of feudal Japan, which used to behead anyone who dared show up on their beaches. They became isolated and backwards, lagging behind in technological advances. When American warships forced Japan to open up to trade, Japan showed their ingenuity by copying American weapons of war. (Later on, Japan became a world power and attempted to dominate the world.) Japan's weakness was its lack of diversity and insularity. It succumbed to American numbers and military and technological might, which were all founded on diversity.)
The MAGA folks better tread carefully. If they alienate and deport everyone here, except for white folks who can trace their lineage directly back to the Mayflower, there won't be sufficient numbers to defend America. Effing Communist China, which can easily call up in excess of 100 million soldiers, which would be more than the entire MAGA population, will hand their MAGA butts to them. And no, there'll be no one willing to fight for America then. Who would fight for racist hypocrites who denigrate anyone who doesn't look like them?
I love all youse guys
ReplyDeleteEveryone of you here are welcome to a free cup of coffee here tomorrow. Airfare/Transportation/Lodging not included. Please bring your own cup/mug. Cream and sugar provided.
ReplyDeleteLuckily, I no longer give a flying rat's ass about football. And baseball is not far behind at this point.
ReplyDeleteBut coffee is universal
ReplyDeleteOk I’m not a poster - obvious intro fails - but my goodness, it’s too much. I can’t stay quiet. Lol. Why now? Because we gotta watch Caleb Durbin prevent runs and bang two baggers off the green frickin monster - for five years.
ReplyDeleteWhat was that for Cashman? Devon Williams, and fan fave Nestor, For rizzle?
Man, we could use cheap options at third, versatility at second and a tough pretty durable back ender…whatever,
Above all, greetings Yankee fans and thanks for this fantastic space. .
…Martinez and Paddock …gone.
ReplyDeleteWhy not grab Bassett right now!!