Once upon a time, the first baseball game was always in Cincinnati, because that's where they started (officially) playing the game for money. The first American League game was always in Washington, because it's the nation's capital, and the president would be on hand to throw out the first ball.
That was it. That was all the ceremony and hoopla necessary.
Today, a stupid media monopoly "buys" Opening Day, and they have it between two teams in different leagues in San Francisco, the city that stole our Giants. They drag a fake cable car and fake Yellow cabs onto the field, and have bad hip-hop dancers wiggle and shake around them, and set off explosions and steam fumes, and have on-field MCs shout out everything at the fans, as if we're at a fight in Las Vegas.
The louder they shout, the more bombast and hoopla there is, the stupider and cheaper it seems, just like everything else in America today.
Hey, Judge, don't play so bad Take a sad team and make it better Remember to hit it out of the park Then you can start to make it better
And anytime you feel the pain, Hey, Judge, refrain Don't carry the team upon your shoulders For well you know boone’s a fool Who plays it cool By making our team a little colder
Hey, Judge don't let us down You can hit sir, now go and hit sir Remember to hit out of the park Then you can start to make it better
So hit it out, don’t hit it in Hey, Judge, begin You're waiting for someone to perform with But don't you know that it's just you, Hey, Judge, you'll do The lumber you need is on your shoulder
The one thing to be said for all the pre-game malarkey: the later it will start, meaning the fewer innings with the pitcher throwing out of the sun to batters in the shadow.
Once upon a time, too, we used to run home to see the first game of the season, which was always played in the afternoon. No can do, anymore. When you sell your soul to the devil, he wants ALL of it.
You know, fuck these guys. The umps, I mean. I'm ready for the automated strike zone. First at-bat of the season, first pitch nearly hits Judge, and they call it a strike.
Boy oh boy, I'm so glad we signed that Trent Grisham guy! One at-bat, one strikeout, one chance in the field, one hit dropping in. Sure clad he's not a butcher in the field like The Martian.
Well, that'll be the story. But no biggie. Tough pitcher given every edge by a bad ump. The rest of the hitting, though...where has this been for the last 10 years??
Oh shit, looks like we're going to win 148 games this year....why was I so worried? Wake me up for the last out of the World Series, which we will win in 4 perfect games.
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Fuck Netflix. Fuck Hal. Fuck crony capitalism.
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time, the first baseball game was always in Cincinnati, because that's where they started (officially) playing the game for money. The first American League game was always in Washington, because it's the nation's capital, and the president would be on hand to throw out the first ball.
ReplyDeleteThat was it. That was all the ceremony and hoopla necessary.
Today, a stupid media monopoly "buys" Opening Day, and they have it between two teams in different leagues in San Francisco, the city that stole our Giants. They drag a fake cable car and fake Yellow cabs onto the field, and have bad hip-hop dancers wiggle and shake around them, and set off explosions and steam fumes, and have on-field MCs shout out everything at the fans, as if we're at a fight in Las Vegas.
The louder they shout, the more bombast and hoopla there is, the stupider and cheaper it seems, just like everything else in America today.
🎯Spot on Hoss, spot on
DeleteYepperz - that about sums it all up, Hoss
Deletex1000
Delete(To the tune of Hey Jude)
ReplyDeleteHey, Judge, don't play so bad
Take a sad team and make it better
Remember to hit it out of the park
Then you can start to make it better
And anytime you feel the pain,
Hey, Judge, refrain
Don't carry the team upon your shoulders
For well you know boone’s a fool
Who plays it cool
By making our team a little colder
Hey, Judge don't let us down
You can hit sir, now go and hit sir
Remember to hit out of the park
Then you can start to make it better
So hit it out, don’t hit it in
Hey, Judge, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
But don't you know that it's just you,
Hey, Judge, you'll do
The lumber you need is on your shoulder
nah, nah, nah,
nah nah nah, nah…
Hey Judge!
Kryptonian Effort !
DeleteThe one thing to be said for all the pre-game malarkey: the later it will start, meaning the fewer innings with the pitcher throwing out of the sun to batters in the shadow.
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time, too, we used to run home to see the first game of the season, which was always played in the afternoon. No can do, anymore. When you sell your soul to the devil, he wants ALL of it.
Remember two years ago, when the Yanks went out there and Soto and Judge ran amok? Seems like it happened in another decade.
ReplyDeleteSaturday Night is gunna be interesting . . .
DeleteThis pre-game is absolute horseshit, a minor league team would be ashamed to present it.
ReplyDeleteLook what they done to our game, Ma…
But as I always say on Opening Day (er, night)
ReplyDeleteIn all a sincerity and From the very depths of the bottom of my heart,
LET’S FUCKING GOOOOO!
You know, fuck these guys. The umps, I mean. I'm ready for the automated strike zone. First at-bat of the season, first pitch nearly hits Judge, and they call it a strike.
ReplyDeleteCenter field camera looks like somebody is out there with a cell phone.
ReplyDeleteBoy oh boy, I'm so glad we signed that Trent Grisham guy! One at-bat, one strikeout, one chance in the field, one hit dropping in. Sure clad he's not a butcher in the field like The Martian.
ReplyDeleteCaption: I mean I would come to the White House and give you the trophy but we didn't win.
ReplyDeleteWait...batter after batter is staying within himself, slicing balls to the opposite field and all over the park???
ReplyDeleteWho are these guys? And what did they do with the New York Yankees?
Hokey smokes, Bullwinkle. Stanton scores from second on a single. Wells gets a hit. Grisham nails a triple. 5-0.
ReplyDeleteGlad I stayed up for this inning.
I'm stunned.
ReplyDeleteStill a few bad strikes on Judge.
ReplyDeleteJudge halfway to the sombrero. already.
ReplyDeleteJudge needs to hack at everything with this asshole behind the plate. He will get nothing close.
ReplyDeleteYeah, he screwed up Bellinger, too.
ReplyDeleteBellinger got victimized there, too.
ReplyDeleteWanted that 6th. Well, now Fried will let them back in the game.
ReplyDeleteAnd now this shit: the mic'd ballplayer.
ReplyDeleteWho likes this? Anyone?
Manfred. Manfred only.
DeleteAnd probably Jazz.
DeleteEarly season control issues.
ReplyDeleteMaster Bader whiffs.
ReplyDeleteJust came here to agree with Hoss … I hate, hate, hate when players are mic’d up in games that mean something. Drives me frickin’ nuts.
ReplyDeleteOh, and welcome to the season, everyone!
See ya tomorrow, amigos.
ReplyDeleteIf that mascot falls out of the Kayak he is going to drown. The costume will absorb a ton of water and he will die.
ReplyDeleteWhy aren't they doing more ABS stuff. This ump sucks
ReplyDeleteAre we worried about Judge yet? When can we responsibly start panicking?
ReplyDeleteWell, that'll be the story. But no biggie. Tough pitcher given every edge by a bad ump. The rest of the hitting, though...where has this been for the last 10 years??
Delete7-0. Okay, only need about 5 more to wrap this one up.
ReplyDeleteAvoiding a Judgean golden sombrero would be nice too
ReplyDeleteOh, Good Lord! Rob Manfred is emerging from the Field of Dreams corn to bless us with his wisdom. Carry it home, guys—I am out of here.
ReplyDelete1.48 am here safe to go to bed I hope 7-0 up as I start work in just over 5 hours
ReplyDeleteOh shit, looks like we're going to win 148 games this year....why was I so worried? Wake me up for the last out of the World Series, which we will win in 4 perfect games.
ReplyDeleteFirst the in game interviews, then the manfred maniac talking about more fucking rule changes while wearing a FUCKING WINTER VEST!
ReplyDeleteHe should be banned from baseball.
Also, I missed who kicked the extra point. Was it Pete Gogolak or George Blanda?
Jan Stenerud
DeleteAre you sure that it wasn't Lou Groza?
DeleteIt could have been “The Toe”
DeletePele ⚽️
DeletePete's brother, Charlie?
DeleteYanks showing up with the bats…
ReplyDeleteExcept for Judge…
ReplyDeleteJake Bird. Bullpen Anchor.
ReplyDeleteSpeed bump….
ReplyDeleteStands are empty now in SF
ReplyDeleteDoval looking just like last season…
ReplyDeleteYankees Win!!!
ReplyDeleteUndefeated!
ReplyDeleteA win. 👏👏👏👏👏
ReplyDeletePennant fever grips Gotham.
DeleteIn the books
ReplyDeleteAnd the dream of a 162-0 season lives on.
ReplyDeleteI feel I must point out, though, that Aaron Judge is on pace to strike out 648 times this season.
But, satisfying old-school fans, they’ll do it without hitting a single home run.
DeleteMore childish, self- promotional nonsense by Netflix after the game. Thank god no more Yankee games there this season.
ReplyDeleteMlb is purposely turning broadcasts into video games.
DeleteOk, food and jacket giveaways post-game need to go the way of the salad shooter.
ReplyDeleteI need to stop saying "how can they possibly fuckup a baseball game more". The mlb idiot kommisars keep taking it as a challenge.
The perfect game!
ReplyDelete