Hope you're staying cool. For some reason, when I think of you enduring these 90-degree days of late, I get flashbacks to the Johnstown flood.
Anyway, I see on the Interweb that you're still a bit miffed over how those mean old Yankees treated you, back in 2022. I couldn't agree more. You deserve an apology.
It's hard to believe that those creepy management toadies fools left you - a great pitcher - off the Yankee playoff roster, simply because...
a) you were getting regularly bombed.
b) you were unable to throw strikes.
c) you let a new tattoo get infected, sending you to the IL.
c) you let a new tattoo get infected, sending you to the IL.
and d) you missed a mandatory team practice.
Why, the gall! The unmitigated gall!
Not only that, but after the tattoo thing - and who doesn't have enough of them - those simpletons handed the closer role to Clay Holmes. And then, they had the nerve to suggest they did it simply because a few players hit walk-off HRs, leaving you to stand on the mound, smirking like Mr. Sardonicus, in much the way you must have looked after shooting up your ex-wife's garage, back in your madcap salad days, back when your trails of sweat didn't conjure comparisons to the 2021 Fukushima nuclear plant tsunami.
I'm sorry, sir. O, how sorry I am!
I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt by the bad people with the desks. And now, now, as the Redsocks prepare to dump trade you to - um - I'm sure that somebody, anybody, somewhere, will be delighted to hand their fate in 2026 to a petulant, 38-year-old toddler, who hasn't pitched a full season in the last four years. And it will soon be time to change venues once again.
Surely, I speak for the Yankiverse when I beg your forgiveness, allowing you to return to the team you so artfully destroyed in the early 2020s. Why, it would be like old times, watching you walk the first few batters! Maybe we can stage a reunion with Jose Altuve! Or Rafael Devers! Or Mike Brosseau!
O, well. I understand that you are a proud man. On that note, I hope you stay in Boston, to give the youngsters a role model. And next year... maybe the Mets? We can only dream.
Zero chance he pitches here again
ReplyDeleteCashman is stupid, crazy, and loves bringing guys back for seconds, thirds. So I wouldn't rule it out 100%.
DeleteThe time Altuve hit the HR in the ALCS was not his fault...the others 138% agree with you...
ReplyDeleteChappy, I am sorry that Cashman ever brought you here. Especially the second time.
ReplyDeleteFunny that Chappo would be running his mouth at this time. The architect of some of the greatest choke jobs in Yankee closer history running his mouth when the New York Knicks are now on the cusp of winning a championship. Chappo turned victory into defeat so many times against the Red Sux and the ASS-stros that I can't even remember all the times it happened. It was like ... anti-magic. If Wanna-Be-Dictator-Asshole-In-Chief hadn't appeared at the Garden in order to take a snooze, maybe the Knicks would already have the trophy. Sure hope Chappo isn't invoking some voodoo curse on the Knickerbockers. Hope the Knicks close it out in San Antone Saturday night. As Hoss likes to say, we've been "Loser City" for too too long here.
ReplyDeleteIf you look at history through his eyes though, Chapman is Exhibit "A" of how Yankee coaching sucks. The coaching here cannot fix problems. Pitchers who get into a funk go into a death spiral nose dive until they crash and burn. Places like Boston clean up the mess. All of a sudden, resurrected, good as new!
ReplyDeleteHe wants an apology? I'd get snarky but El Duque pretty much wrote the gold standard for that today.
ReplyDeleteHe (Chapman) is /was/ and will always be be, out of his mind.
Dangerously delusional.
If Chapman were an amusement park ride he'd be the Cannonball Loop at Action Park.
(For the uninitiated... https://www.history.com/articles/the-rise-and-fall-of-action-park-new-jerseys-most-dangerous-water-park
An excerpt:
But the most infamous of the rides at Action Park was the Cannonball Loop—an enclosed waterslide with a complete vertical loop. According to one urban legend, when park owners sent a dummy doll on a test run of the ride, it came back with no head. Gene Mulvihill offered his employees $100 to test out new rides, including the Cannonball Loop, and despite employees winding up with bloody noses and bruises, he opened the ride. One person even remembers hearing that a patron got stuck at the top of the loop, causing the park to build a hatch to aid in future rescues.
Just like The Genius to bring back walk the house, slappy Chapman. He had better stay away from this lunatic.
ReplyDeletejust one more thing on Action Park...
ReplyDelete"Action Park was finally closed in 1996. By then, the park was responsible for six fatalities, including three drownings in the Tidal Wave Pool and the death of a 27-year-old man who was electrocuted on the Kayak Experience when his boat tipped over and he came into contact with water that had a loose wire touching it."
Yeah.
I will apologize now for the entire Yankees organization and Fandom. Okay, here goes: " Fuck off and die, Chapman!"
ReplyDeleteFirehose's aim is as accurate as ever. Garages everywhere are terrified.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the Cuban national team will take him, but I doubt it.