Yanks add another 1B? WTF? Am I still RUNK?

Damn. One measly bender, a bowel-cleansing four days, and I wake up in a "Magic Fingers" rehab bed between Rip Van Winkle and Mitch McConnell. 

Seriously. A hard, cold, seemingly endless RUNK. Nonstop 500-watt smirks from Redsock fans - who expect to whoosh past us well before Aug. 28, when they visit for four. Then, halfway into my wake-up crap, I learn that the Brain Trust - chasing a C, 3B and RP- has traded for, gulp, another 1B.

Another first baseman? How many do we need?

Nope, I told myself. Can't be right. I went to Luis Garcia Jr's Baseball Reference pig book page. Guy must play 3B, right? Or SS? Eh? Nope. This year, he's played 93 games at 1B, two as DH. Last year, he played 129 at 2B. He's never played 3B. Last game at SS came in 2022. So, 2B? Is Jazz gone? And, gulp, they're suggesting Garcia might play RF, with less experience than The Martian, all of which means that - gulp, gulp, gulp - Aaron Judge is not returning? 

Last I looked, with Rice and Goldy (plus Bellinger in the cooler, if the sky falls) 1B was our best position. Now, with Garcia, we have a four-man 1B rotation, a bigger Circle of Trust than in the bullpen.

We should change this blog to, IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS... WTF? 

The Dodgers have Skupal. The Redsocks have a rising tide of youth. We have the explosive diarrhea of overpaid veterans. We have a plane with three wings and one propeller. The Yankees have spent $300 million to paint themselves into a corner, and gaskets will surely blow between now and 6 p.m., when this trade deadline horror show mercifully closes. 

I believe I speak for the Yankiverse in saying, God help us.

Since January, when the franchise bestowed $22 million on Trent Grisham, the front office has touted its "stand pat" stability, as if finishing second was the goal. Now, with everything collapsing, Cooperstown Cashman looks like a tanker captain heading through the Strait of Hormuz, and our future looks colder than next winter's lockout (for which we will still be blamed.)

I was tempted to do a "Fun Facts" thingy on Luis Garcia Jr., who is 26 and having a breakout season, (as Grisham did last year.) Why bother? The Yankees aren't done messing up the sheets. Today, Cashman will remake this roster, this team, this farm system, this infundibulum, and only God knows what we will look like Tuesday in St. Louis. 

Boston keeps winning. The Dodgers keep adding. Giancarlo still can't open a bag of Chitos. Dear God, I shoulda stayed RUNK.