Saturday, October 17, 2026

Okay, I died and went to Hell, right? Why else is everybody talking about Anthony Volpe?

Okay, what did me in? Was it those greenish, weirdly crunchy cheese curds, with the dead cockroach mouthfeel? Shouldn't have downed the package. But but BUT... who says no to a curd?  

Or was it last night's rainstorm, which turned low-beams into a laser-show. I was turning left into a swarm of lighthouse beacons, when the radio suddenly shifted into Don't Fear the Reaper. A cosmic moment? Didja know that Blue Oyster Cult was an upstate band? Seasons don't fear the Reaper...

Anyway, if we're together in eternity, this sucks. Today, I wake up to find practically everybody in this dark, Trump-weary universe talking about - gulp - the war, the economy, Sydney Sweeney Anthony Fucking Volpe. Yep, the Volpster. Aaron Judge started it. He said the Yankees need Volpe next year, and - listen - nobody around here ignores the Big Fella. 

Yeah, I'm thinking the cheese curds.

So here we are, in Hell, where there is a movement to figure out what went wrong, and come up with a quick fix for the '27 Yankees. And, of course, no simple solution exists. If you're debating 2B, good luck, because you might as well be discussing the cast of Knot's Landing. Here are the candidates...

1. Jazz Chisholm
2. Anthony Volpe
3. Jose Caballero
4. Amed Rosario
5. Max Schuerman
6. Luis Garcia Jr. 
7. Your mom.

Also, please note that this ignores the looming declaration of martial law End of Times lockout, which will suspend all rules from winters past, and the fact that we still have Dopey Dildox and his algorithm running the show. 

Donno if I'm dead. (If I've crossed over, why do I need to pee?) But if we're talking about Volpe, this is Hell. We've come a long, long way from Bobby.

18 comments:

  1. Baseball used to be a simpler time.

    https://youtu.be/_vUhSYLRw14?si=Om4TMRs2MuQjo3Kh

    ReplyDelete
  2. I got no problem with having Volpe at 2B. I think he's a better player now. Looks like he's finally pulled his head out of his ass as far as the hitting. 2B should be much kinder to his defensive skill set than SS. So Volpe at 2B for the time being, as a stop gap? Why the hell not? They've got bigger problems, bigger holes at other positions. Gotta start somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  3. E.D.
    You should pee
    Immediately
    And share with us all
    What you see.
    Because urine good hands
    Here, yes sïrree
    Ok, finish your tea
    Cause it’s time to wee
    And as you pee
    Yell repeatedly
    FǑCK VOLPE !



    ReplyDelete
  4. And as previously mentioned, they could have had Oswaldo Cabrera competing for that job. They could have had Ezequiel Duran fighting for that job. And—in both cases—for third base.

    Instead, they're going to "run it back" yet again: Volpe at second (better than short, at least), and McMahon at third. Oy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gotta move out McMahon and Stanton. Grisham and Chisholm should be let go. Rosario should be let go. But they won't. It's practically 100% guaranteed that McMahon, Stanton, Grisham will be back. Another year of bull shit and wild card aspirations that come up short of ALCS, WS.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Volpe is on of the worst hitters in mlb. I have many problems with him polluting our infield.

    ReplyDelete
  7. maybe youre just an alter cocker like me nearing the big eight oh! glad to be alive. btw tony is a nice boychick who plays hard with a lovely girlfriend so i really root for him to play well and succeed naxt year (if there is a season and i am alive to see it!

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  8. I'd rather have Dua Lipa on the roster than Volpe. Seeing Stanton, Volpe and Jazz every year is beginning to give me agita, PTSD, and IBD simultaneously. I don't want to wear a hat box under my suit jacket. Luckily, I rarely wear a suit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too about Dua Lipa.

      I’m happy to pick up the cost of her next frankfurter.

      Delete
  9. L'il Tony may be a fabulous human being, but he cannot hit major league pitching! He has had more than 2000 [!!!] PA in the big leagues and has a career OPS+ of 83! That's 17% worse than the average major leaguer. He has proven he will never be a productive major leaguer. May CashBrain give him a 13 year $325 million contract and immediately trade him to the Dodgers!!

    Or Boston.

    Fuck the Red Socks.

    Fuck CashBrain.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Simpler times when the Cuyahoga river burned merrily at sunset.

    https://youtu.be/1qDkZnpOiS8?is=tVxgpkuB6RsI6b5W

    ReplyDelete
  11. @win warbalist id be good with that!let little tonys girlfreind spent hals money!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Given the time zone difference, you may not see this, Hoss. But according to Wikipedia,

    "Blue Öyster Cult (/ˈɔɪstər/ OY-ster; sometimes abbreviated BÖC or BOC) is an American rock band formed in Stony Brook, Long Island in 1967."

    I know Wiki is not always the end-all and be-all of information, but I always thought they were an LI band going back to my high school days.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Blue Oyster Cult is a Long Island Band. They would play small clubs under the name Soft White Underbelly between their major tours.

    ReplyDelete

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