Open Letter to Bud Selig: You Can Earn Money in Your Spare Time

Bud, or Bowie, or whomever you are, LISTENUP...

You know those special balls they're bringing into play whenever Barry Bonds and Alex Rodriguez come to bat, so the home run balls can be scientifically identified later? And so somebody can make a lot of money off of them?

Implant EVERY ball with a chip that, when scanned, tells who hit it, who was pitching, and the game situation when it went into the crowd.

EVERY ball will become a ONE-OF-A-KIND, LIMITED EDITION COLLECTORS ITEM!

As in… moolah.


EVERY FOUL BALL BECOMES AN INSTANT LOTTERY SCRATCH-OFF!

As in... scratch me.

How much is a Barry Bonds foul hit off Roger Clemens worth? Now, NOTHING, because nobody can prove it. But if it could be verified... Ka-chinnnnnng.

We at "IT IS HIGH" request a mere 5 percent of all earned revenue under the new Identi-Ball program, when enacted.

Let this blog heretofore confirm our copyright. Go forth and prosper, baseball. You earned it!