“Osama bin Laden: Give yourself up now, or we trade Hideki Matsui.”
“As of Tuesday, the Red Sox are in trouble. BIG TROUBLE.”
“Iraqis: Cut the shit. Now. I’m not even gonna say what’ll happen. Cut the shit. Right. Now."
“No more beer for Britney Spears broad. As of YESTERDAY, she’s CUT OFF.”
“From now one, you guys on street corners who sell Rolexes for $10, they gotta be real Rolexes.”
“No more making fun of gerbils. I don't get the joke. There's nothing wrong with gerbils.”
“I'm counting down from three, and when I finish, no more talk about the Spice Girls.”
“Monday, the guy who invented the boom-box sits in my office with my staff screaming until his ears bleed, so he can know what he did.”
“By 2015, we grow a secret island of clones, who think they’re going on vacation, but in fact, we use them to harvest organs. I got the idea from a movie. We could of saved Mickey.”
“From now on, when the Yankees put somebody on hold, the phone plays decent music, like Styx.”
“No more restaurant menus longer than four pages. Christ, on page six, you can’t even remember what the appetizers were!"
You know, if the Yankees started using Styx music on the phone system, they'd be deluged with calls from people just hoping to be put on hold.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that if he wasn't running the Yankees, there would be a spot for Stubby in the Bush administration. He could have taken over when Tony Snow left.