NEWS RELEASE
WAILIN' SUZYN EMBARKS ON CAMPAIGN TO END SLAUGHTER OF INNOCENT MICROBES AT YANKEE STADIUM
Wailin' Suzyn, the multimedia darling from It is High, It is Far, It is ... caught, announced Thursday she has formed BETM (Bloggers for the Ethical Treatment of Microbes) in response to the news that innocent microbes will be indiscriminatly destroyed this summer at Yankee Stadium.
"We must fight for those who can't fight for themselves," Suzyn told the press today from her family manse in Upstate New York. "I demand that Yankee management call an end to this slaughter. We want SAS banned at the stadium -- TODAY!!!"
Suyzn, enjoying a nasty cold caused by playing host to some adorable rhino viruses, sniffled through tears when discussing the plight of mold, spores and bacteria that will no longer frolic in the gobs of spit, pools of tobacco juice and spatterings of sweat in the fields of this hallowed cathedral of baseball tradition.
Instead, the infield will become a KILLING field of MURDER and DESTRUCTION!
"I hope fans across America will wake up to this injustice. Remember: When they came for the pigeons, I did nothing. When then came for the rats, I did nothing. When they came for the microbes, I did nothing. When they came for me, no one did anything!
"So join us today as we unite in one voice: SAS MY ASS. Ban it Now!"
My herpes never looked that cute. If it had, it might not have been such a social impediment.
ReplyDeleteIf I could've trained it to sing and tell jokes, even better!
Sign me up, Wailin'. I'll even throw out my Purell.
ReplyDelete