Veras and Marte have forfeited their chances to ever be named Yankee Employee of the Month

Breaking:

In an unprecedented move, IT IS HIGH officials announced Friday that Jose Veras and Damaso Marte will never be allowed to compete for the coveted title -- and parking spot -- of Yankee Employee of the Month.

The move comes on the heals of their disastrous performance yesterday in a game that will define their Yankee careers, no matter what they do in the future. They could singlehandedly save 100 children from a burning building, or sacrifice their lives by staying behind on an asteroid to make sure the nuclear device destroys it -- thus saving earth -- but it will not matter. They are unclean.

They will never be Yankee Employee of the Month. Ever. With God as our witness. This edict shall stand. We promise. And if Jose Veras and Damaso Marte read this and feel bad, well, tough titty said the kitty with the milk so warm. It's over. No Yankee Employee of the Month for them. Ever. They will not be put into the poll. They will not be considered. And that's final.

They can find a cure for cancer. The hell with them. We don't even want to hear about what they've done. They're out. Do you understand? They don't exist to us. They. Do. Not. Exist. So how could beings who do not exist possibly win Yankee Employee of the Month? See? It's impossible. Hahaha. And it feels great, knowing they are not here. In fact, there's no sense writing anything more about them. They are not there.

UPDATE AT 10:17 AM: There will be no appeals on this, either. No amnesty. No nothing. It's done. It's over. They can do or say whatever they want: THEY ARE OUT.