Game Dread - Ø7Ø2 - WE CONTROL THE HORIZONTAL . . .

 

Ten questions for the Yankee brain trust

 1. Why was Fernando Cruz working out with a medicine ball? Was the team's Jack LaLanne Glamor Stretcher in use? 

2. How long do you go with two infielders - Jazz Chisholm and DJ LeMahieu - who are playing out of position?

3. Once again, the Boone June Swoon. How many times must we relive this before trying something new?

4. In what metric is Anthony Volpe improving?

5. Who do Yankee fans think of on Bobby Bonilla Day? 

6. Why in the world should any Yankee opponent pitch to Aaron Judge?

7.  Are you ready for second place?

8. Can we stop calling Jasson Dominguez "the Martian?" It's starting to sound a bit derisive.

9. In what world is this considered good news?

10. WTF is this about?

 

Uhm, like, well, you know, sorta, kinda, oh, whatever . . .

 

An Above Average Haiku Tuesday - July 1st - Can't be worse.....RIGHT?!?

THE SEASON IS LONG

IT CAN SMELL LIKE ROTTING FISH

SHOULD WE FOLLOW DOUG ?

A troubling set of numbers regarding the New York Yankees and fate

 Courtesy of Ranger_lp

Yankees under Boone:

2022 started: 61-23 and finished 38-40 (3-6 playoffs)

2023 started: 36-25 and finished 46-55 (no playoffs)

2024 started: 50-22 and finished 44-46 (8-6 playoffs)

2025 started: 35-20 and currently 13-16... TBA?

Brace for impact, the Yankees are about to crash into second.

In David Cronenberg's epic 1986 horror movie remake, The Fly, Jeff Goldblum - as nut job inventor Seth Brundle - offers a terrifying outlook to his girlfriend, Geena Davis: 

"Insects don't have politics. They're very brutal. No compassion, no compromise. We can't trust the insect... 

"I am an insect who dreamt he was a man, and loved it. But now the dream is over, and the insect is awake...

"I'll hurt you if you stay."

Obviously, Cronenberg was foreshadowing the 2025 Yankees, who flew deliriously high throughout April and May, only to be swatted in June. 

Nope, we can't trust the insect. We can't trust this team. Brace for impact, because the  Yankees will soon be runners-up in the AL East. And they'll hurt us, if we stay. 

How dare we speak such blaspheme? 

Look at the country. Look at the world. Dear God, look at the frickin' Yankees. Right now, our offense is two - two!  - Aaron Judge and Jazz Chisholm - either of whom can twist a billiard and miss a month. The rest of the team is wandering the night without a spark. Though the starting rotation has been effective, the gap between the 6th and 9th innings is a treacherous gauntlet, as Aaron Boner flitters from one arm to another. 

Worse, Yank fans this weekend must endure the spectacle of the traitorous, money-grubber, Juan Soto, preening his feathers as baseball's hottest bat. Check the rankings on the right, of hitters over the last 30 days. 

MLB batting leaders over the last 30 days

In that period, Soto has out-produced not only Judge but the two veterans - Cody Bellinger and Paul Goldschmidt, who were supposed to replace him. (Over the last month, Soto has 11 HRs; Bellinger and Goldy - combined - have 6.)

I know, I know... it's stupid to still be lamenting last winter's auction, when the Yankees went to $760 million and then pleaded poverty. Today, the Mets can claim the game's most dangerous hitter, and we have - well - stems and seeds, unable to protect Judge. 

Today, at 3 p.m. it's game two in Toronto, whose crowd booed us lustfully all last night. They're not going to become a state. They're not going to follow Greenland. They're going to moon us. Somehow, somebody has to spark this team. Is Phil Linz's harmonica available?

We dreamt we could fly. My advice: Run. They'll hurt us if we stay.  

End 'o' Swoon - Game Thread - Bird is the Word

A Modest Proposal.

This Swiftian suggestion was inspired by the graphics work of the estimable Above Average, see above (and not average!).

Ah, isn't that a consummation devoutly to be wished? For Prince Hal to sell the team!

But we must always be careful what we wish for. The last time a Steinbrenner seriously considered selling your New York Yankees, we narrowly missed seeing them peddled off to...the Dolans.  There's no reason to think we'd do much better today.

Therefore, my proposal is: up the competition. Invite the Wandering Athletics to come to New York.

Hey, our current, Democratic mayoral hopeful, The Zohran, is currently pushing the idea of cheap, government-run grocery stores. I say, why not a ballteam run by the people, for the people? 

After all their years in the desert of inland California, do we really think the A's are going to end up in their Las Vegas dome, which will hold all of 33,000 despairing gamblers, already Stripped of their life savings? Anyway the time they get there, the whole Sodom & Gomorrah is likely to be a gigantic mound of sand.

I say we invite them to New York. We already have a small, minor-league stadium available for their use, have had it ever since the Yanks blew off the beautiful little park we built, gratis, for their Single-A team in Staten Island.  It could be expanded easily enough, giving the fans a breathtaking view of the Statue of Liberty, and New York Harbor.

It would be the first time that Staten Island, "the Jersey Borough," would have a major-league team since the Giants camped there, while throwing up a new Polo Grounds in Harlem. The first time  a major-league team would play a whole season there since the original, New York Met (no s), in 1886-1887.  

Think of the fun we could have with The People's Team! 

No seats over $20 a game. Thousands of seats always available, day of game. Luxury boxes? Sure, a few—but ALL would be assigned, every game, by the results of a lottery. 

For that matter, have you noticed that, bizarrely enough, the Yankees run their very own lottery, each game at the Stadium? The People's Team could do the same, upping funding for the New York Athletics (or "Pizza Rats'?). 

Or hell, congestion pricing is supposed to raise $1 billion a year.  That's all earmarked for our subways, I know. But if Mamdani is REALLY going to put the mentally ill homeless below ground and offer free buses, who's going to ride the subway? We can pour all our money into the A's. Let New Jersey fund our ballteam! 

And/or, we have all games broadcast on new, WNYC radio and television channels, with all monies going to the public coffers. 

Our new, publicly owned ball club would spend to win, year in and year out. The fans will flock there, even if it is Staten Island.  

How about free ferry service, with each ticket purchased? (What the 19th-century owner of the Original Met, who owned the ferry, too, used to offer.) Just sell alcohol aboard, and make it the Party Boat. (Did I hear you say go-go dancers on the Party Boat? Well, why not? No strippers, please, we want a family atmosphere.)

Hell, for that matter, we could put the tower of the Empire State Building to its original purpose, and have some lucky fans (more lottery winners), sail by blimp to the park (weather conditions allowing). Sure, every now and then, one might topple off the gangplank and plunge to 33rd Street. Okay, we'll give them all parachutes.

Best of all, the other teams here in Loser City would have to seriously up their game. Even the non-baseball teams would be terrified that we would do that same thing with football, basketball, and hockey teams. Instead of Loser City, we could have a new golden age of New York sports!

All we have to do is dream it...

+ (FAR) ABOVE AVERAGE

 

The Yankees cross the border, looking to place tariffs on the Blue Jays. Ten takeaways.

 Tonight, the Death Barge hits Toronto - the cultural capital of Canada and astral twin of Buffalo - in a nation seething with hatred, simply because our Dear Leader graciously offered it a chance to become a northern version of Florida. (We'd marvel over the exploits of "Canada Man.") 

Normally - with the exception of Boston - I don't rank on opposing cities, especially when the Yankees visit. Why overturn the spittoon? Besides, Canada is trying to shake its shameful inability to capture Bigfoot, which remains at large, eating berries, shitting in the woods and cavorting - the life that should be ours. 

While the Yankees brace for next weekend's Subway Series, the Blue Jays - six down in the loss column - need a sweep. Meanwhile, hateful Tampa stands to gain the most, as they entertain the Formerly of Oakland A's. 

Ten ponderings... 

1. Jazz Chisholm Jr. belongs in NY. Everyone can see it. His personality was made for Gotham. And he's got three months to make his case. Right now, he's doing it. Over the last 30 days, he's hitting .316 with 6 HRs and lifted a rather meager BA - below .200 when he tweaked a tit - to .242. (Over his career, he's at .248.)   

2. Tonight, Toronto dredges up the 40-year-old reanimated corpse/war horse known as Max Scherzer. He's sorta like Snake Plissken, in that I thought he was dead. He hasn't pitched well. He's past prime and coming off another injury. Still, he's the type of pitcher who escapes jams, and the Yankees are the type of team that doesn't deliver with RISP. Bevare.  

3. Cooperstown Cashman is waiting - grinning, chuckling, cackling - as he pushes pins into the dolls of MLB starting catchers. Soon, some contending team's backstop will squeeze a boil and miss a month, forcing that team to seek a replacement. We have three LH catchers - Ben Rice, Austin Wells and JC Escara - one too many. Each can help some team in desperate need. We have a huge trade surplus. Cashman is waiting...

4. Over the last few weeks, I cannot shed a sense that something has happened to the balls. They simply are not traveling as far as they did in April. I know, I know... this is soooo subjective. But you see blasts off Yankee bats - opposing hitters, too - and they are gone - but then die at the warning track. Is it the humidity? Swirling winds? Dunno. But with every long out, the Yankees' solo-HR offense is laid more bare. 

5. A gold star sticker for Marcus Stroman! If he can pitch the second half, with some modicum of his past, the Yankees do not need to trade for a starting pitcher next month. With Stoman, Ryan Yarbrough and Luis Gil, we should be okay. That's a massive advantage.  We can concentrate on an IF and the bullpen. Huge difference. If it lasts.

6. Anthony Volpe is struggling. Over the last 30 days, he's hitting .198. He's 2 for 5 in stolen base attempts. Most of all, he's made grievous errors in big moments. I'm starting to worry. We all should. The Yankees will stick with Volpe - he's young and he's a leader - but he's surely looking over his shoulder at George Lombard Jr., now in Double A. Next March, there will be a chorus of fans wanting Lombard, much like the chorus that two years ago called for Volpe.  

7. Over the last 30 days, Paul Goldschmidt is hitting .138. Two HRs. His OPS is awful - .449. He still carries the style and grace of a potential Hall of Fame slugger, and his defense is solid. But he's coming off a down season, and the numbers look grim. 

8. Speaking of grim... Giancarlo Stanton. In the past, he always looked smug, supremely confident. Lately, he looks worried. Clearly, the double-elbow thing has him nervous. Guy really needs a HR.  

9. Over the last 30 days, Will Warren has fanned more batters than any other Yankee starter. Yep, more than Max Fried.

10. Let me say it: Yankee pitching coach Matt Blake might just be the best in the game. 

Game Dread - SwøøN 29th - Strowman Returns !

OH - WAIT A SECOND - YOU MEAN ITS STROMAN AND NOT STROWMAN . . . ?!?

By tonight, the Yankees' lead in the AL East might be gone. Ten takeaways of existential dread.

 1. Eventually, he'll pull out of it. But right now, I dread seeing Aaron Boone come up with the bases loaded.  

2. Eventually, I think he'll pull out of it. But right now, I dread seeing Giancarlo Stanton come up with runners on base.

3. One of these days, I hope he'll pull out of it. But right now, I dread seeing DJ LeMahieu come up.

4. Every time a Yankee batter is called upon to advance a runner, I dread what will happen.

5. Today, Marcus Stroman will start. I dread seeing him.

6. Next weekend, we face the Mets. They are mired in a slump, as Boston was two weeks ago. I dread what's coming.  

7. In 30 days, the front office will blow up this team with trades. I dread what's coming.

8. The country is on the verge of cutting health care for millions of people. I dread what's coming. 

9. Whenever I see Aaron Boone, I fill with dread.   

10. Everything, everywhere, everybody... I dread what's coming. 

Think they heard the news?

 

A month out from the trade deadline, the Yankees have the pleasant problem of too many catchers

Soon, the annual Cooperstown Cashman Trade Deadline Demolition Derby will begin, with the esteemed Yankee GM - (and father of Gracie) - spackling our roster with veterans who - we will be assured - will blossom in the fertile, low-stress soils of NYC.

And I will scream.

I, sadly, stem from the foul and outdated Yankee fan strain known as "Prospect Huggers." For some reason - maybe Fred McGriff, Jay Buhner, Doug Drabek? - we oppose the strategy of trading young players on the way up for old players on the way down. 

I realize that the world has changed since 1999, we dealt Mike Lowell to the Marlins for next to nothing. Deadline deals are part of the modern landscape. I just get a nervous twitch around July 25, when the Yankee prospects that have been touted for the last three years are suddenly traded to Pittsburgh, and we are told they were never really part of "the plan" (which later turns out to be no plan.) 

Maybe it's wrong to blame Brian Cashman, who - fun fact, is actual an A.I. manifestation - for everything. Actually, in recent years, he's been less likely to empty the farm. (I think he knows a Buhner-level fiasco will be etched onto his eventual plaque in Monument Park.) We're still getting over Joey Gallo and the Jordan Montgomery giveaway.  

Anyway, a roster overhaul is coming. The Yankees need:

1. A solid 2B. (Or a 3B, allowing Jazz Chisholm Jr. to move.) The D.J. LeMahieu experiment is running its course. Unless he starts hitting - (right now, .243 and 2 HRs aren't cutting it) - LeMahieu is looking his age. (36.) Moreover, he looks tired. Last night, a grounder bounced past his diving glove, and it was not an error - just a play he always used to make. LeMahieu can help us as a utility infielder. I don't think he can hold up through September. I mean, two HRs? 

2. A starter. Sunday, the Yankees will try Marcus Stroman, in the magically thinking  hope that he's still got gas in the tank. He got walloped in the minors during his brief rehab. I suspect Stroman will end up in the bullpen. And, basically, Sunday's game is a bullpen start. He probably won't throw more than 50 pitches. (In other words, two innings?) 

3. Bullpen. Just like every team in baseball.

This week, Spencer Jones - the 6'7" outfielder and first round pick, unfortunately saddled with constant comparisons to Aaron Judge -  was promoted to Scranton, where he homered in his first at bat. (The next Aaron Judge!) Jones was leading the Eastern League in HRs, with 18, but he strikes out way too much. (70 times in 240 ABs at Double A.) Will Cashman trade him? I hope not. I'm hugging with all my might.

Instead, they have an excess of rather young, LH catchers with power: Ben Rice (who caught last night), Austin Wells and J.C. Escara. One of them can go - and certainly not cheaply. 

Last year, at the deadline, the Yankees obtained: 

Reliever Mark Leiter Jr. from the Cubs for Benjamin Cowles and Jack Neely. Cowles, a 25-year-old 3B, is hitting .215 with 4 HRs at Triple A. Neely, 25, also in Triple A, has an ERA of 6.91. Leiter is a bullpen lug nut. Nice trade. No complaints.

3B Jazz Chisholm Jr. from Miami for Augustin Ramirez (age 23, hitting .247 with 12 HRs for Miami), Jared Serna (23, hitting .215 with 1 HR at Double A) and Abrahan Ramirez (20, hitting .243 with 0 HRs in the Rookie Single A.) Chisholm is still a mystery, and this trade still is, like him, an uncertainty. 

Enyel De Los Santos and RHP Thomas Balboni Jr. from Padres for OF Brandon Lockridge. The Yankees waived De Los Santos three weeks later. Balboni - 24, a great Yankee name - seems to have disappeared from the fossil record. Lockridge, 28, has hit .216 for San Diego. This is a wash, though I like having another Balboni.

Pitcher Kelly Austin from Pittsburgh for LHP Caleb Ferguson. Austin, 24, has 3.19 ERA at Somerset. Ferguson, 28, has been decent with Pittsburgh, with a 2.91 ERA over 30 bullpen innings. We could use him. 

Not much to say. Considering how 2024 ended, we were probably always fated to be disappointed. But the changes are coming. Don't get comfy. July is almost here.

(Final note: I can't let the occasion go by without congratulating Jeff and Lauren Bezos on their marriage. Both are big readers of the blog. In fact, Lauren has been commenting under the name "Doug K" for several years.)

Game Thread - Here's an idea for a future promotional give-away . . .

 

Deja vu, all over again? Staggering and distressed, the Yankees enter their most dangerous part of the season.

Last year, as they hit the all-star break, the Yankees self-destructed like a Cuomo. 

After leading the AL East for most of three months, they had fallen into 2nd place, and now faced a huge, three-game series in Baltimore. They won the first two - brutal battles, with bean balls and a near brawl. Then, in game three, down by two in the 9th, Ben Rice belted a dramatic 3-run HR. It was glorious. It was destiny. It would send them to the break in first, with hopes restored. This was why we became Yank fans!   

Clay Holmes came out to nail it down. 

(Note: You might want to send children out of the room, as the following report contains images that some readers will find to be troubling.) 

Holmes gave up a single, then coaxed a force out at second. 

He walked a batter, fanned one, then walked another. 

Bases loaded. Two outs.

Ryan Mountcastle hit a routine grounder to SS Anthony Volpe. Across the Yankiverse, we raised our glasses in triumph. All he needed to do was flip the ball to Gleyber Torres for the force. 

But he didn't. 

The ball bounced off Volpe's mitt. He couldn't recover. A run scored. Bases still loaded. An untimely error, the kind that still haunts Yank fans... and Volpe.

At that point, though, LF Alex Verdugo took over. He achieved what would become his signature Yankee moment: "the face plant." Cedric Mullens hit a line drive at Verdugo. He charged it, stopped, turned, froze, then made an adorable, Benny Hill-quality belly-flop into the ground. The O's circled the bases, celebrated at home plate, and nothing more would foreshadow the Yankees' end of 2025 - the disastrous World Series 5th game 5th inning. 

It was our doomsday entrance to the all-star break - and our destiny.

Well, we're almost here, a year later. And while the YES team matter-of-factly watches the slide, and while other fans see a first place team, Yankee fans have every reason to position our finger on the panic button. 

Who can dispel the notion that nothing - NOTHING - has changed?

The Yankees are falling. They've led the division all season, but the lead is down to one, and it's easy to see them hit the all-star break in 2nd. The next three weeks are a mine field:

Three against Oakland - (yeah, they're still Oakland) - a trap series if ever there was one. 

Four games against hateful Toronto, which has been closing on us for a month. 

The Subway Series, in this case, the War of the Disappointments. And Clay Holmes might throw out the opening pitch. 

Visits from Seattle, which hates us, and the Cubs, including the extremely ill-timed Billy Joel Bobblehead Night. (WTF? Are they really going to go through with that?)

There's always a danger in proclaiming how the next game is critical. Of course it is. The next game is always the most important of the season. That's how baseball works. 

But dammit, we have eyes, and we can see what's happening. This team is drifting along the same disastrous path as last year. In the end, it's the fundamental flaws that we never address... they're going to kill us once again. Deja vu, all over?

The Yankees are riding a statistical roller coaster, but one player remains a rock. (And he is not Aaron Judge.)

I hereby challenge baseball's sexless, tech-necked, ketamine-infused wonks - who have a stat for everything - to gin up some new digital comparisons. 

For example: I wanna know...

1. Who leads MLB hitters in unchecked swings - that is, pitches that are ruled strikes by the generally half-asleep ump, standing 100-feet away, down the baseline, and who is most susceptible to play to the home crowd?  These calls cannot be challenged, and they should be prorated according to home and visiting teams. (Recently, one such call cost the Yankees a no-hitter.)  

My guess: The leader in disputed, unchecked swings that "cross the plain of the plate" - whatever that means - would be Anthony Volpe. 

Go ahead, wonks, do your thing; prove me wrong.  

2. Who becomes baseball's most dangerous hitter after the previous batter has just clubbed a HR of more than 450 feet. Along with the tape-measure blast distance, this stat would compare each hitter's normal OPS with his output following the long-distance bomb. We would know what hitter is most likely to take advantage of a pitcher's likely frustration, and go for the kill. 

My guess: Anthony Volpe. 

3. What infielder is most likely to botch both ends of one play - that is, to mishandle the grounder and then - adding shit-icing to the cake -fling it into the stands. Often, these calls are reduced to one error, even though the fielder deserves two. Also, my stat must include a judgement of each throw to first, taking into account the first-baseman's ability to snare the ball rather than advance the runner. The Yankees have one of the best firstbasemen in baseball - in Paul Goldschmidt. 

My guess, for the leader in multiple botches? You guessed it. Anthony Volpe.

I don't mean to rip on Volpe, who remains a Yankee conundrum. He has reached the point of diminished career expectations - no longer a future perennial star, and instead of being the next Derek Jeter, he's probably more a bridge to George Lombard Jr. He plays hard, never misses a game, hustles his ass off, but remains sadly stuck at .230. Right now, we have no Plan B at SS. (Oswald is a disappointment, Oswaldo is gone.) But we wonder: Is Volpe the starting SS for a championship team? 

If anybody's got a stat to answer that question, I'm listening...  

4. Here's a Volpe-free request: Who is baseball's best pitcher in games after his team has lost? I'm sure somebody at YES has a number. I'm predicting Max Fried, who currently stands as the AL's runner-up in ERA - by 0.04 of an earned run. (Note: Fried has pitched 18 innings more than the leader, Hunter Brown.) He should start for the AL in the All-Star Game, though in the name of Atlee Hammaker (seven earned runs in two-thirds of an inning, including a grand slam to Fred Lynn, in 1983, and a miserable career ever after) I hope he sits out the all-star break with a cold. 

In theory, the Yankees could supply three starters to the AL squad: Fried, Carlos Rodon and Clarke Schmidt. Let's not. Who's got the numbers? 

Raffle excitement for today

 

My wife has been sleeping until at least noon every day. I have a freelance project that I'm getting nowhere with (or with which I'm getting nowhere). If we only had the money, we could move back to New York. Then again, my wife's new cancer treatment starts next week, so we should stay here and see how that goes. I guess. I'm not sure even she is convinced of that. And I suppose the money we have is enough to move back. We freely admit, we don't know what the hell we're doing. So I suppose we'll stick it out for a few months and see.

 

At least the Yankees won last night. It was something nice to see when I got up today. But I'm going to miss Doug K, though I can't blame him.

 

I'm discovering that Bette Davis was absolutely correct. Gettin' old ain't for sissies. Unless I win the million-pound home, then I'll price it to sell and get out of here.

 

That should work as well as my other schemes have. Probably a scam of some sort.

 

Boone is an idiot. See you later. 

 

Game Thread 0six•25•25 - We are ALL Fried

 

See Ya!

I had the game on yesterday and right in the middle, as if in a trance, I got up, grabbed a lawn chair, and went outside to enjoy the onset of the delta breeze.

I ended up watching my neighbors hose down their driveway. Not sure why they did that but it seemed very important to them.  

It was far more entertaining. 

When I finally picked the game back up after the sun went down I just kept hitting fast forward until I got to the final score. Took me less than three minutes. 

I didn't care if they won or lost much less how it happened. That was a first for me.  

Truth is, I'm pretty much done with this team. Life is too short.  

--

I'll still read the blog if only to marvel at our collective ability to say the same things in infinitely creative ways. I mean that. This blog is far more entertaining than the team itself. 

And, I guess I'll wean myself from the team by watching the MLB condensed game the next morning because I've always got seven minutes for pretty much anything, even a YouTube video on, "How to Make No Ingredient Bread." or "Things to Buy at Trader Joes in July!"

Both more entertaining and beneficial than watching the Yankees BTW. 

Bonus: The "How to Grow Potatoes in a Box!" video actually worked! Taters!

---

But I digress. 

Look, I'm sorry. I just can't do it anymore. 

Mostly, I'm sorry that Yankee ownership is so clueless and holds our fandom in such low regard that not even the opportunity to watch the best player I have seen in a lifetime of watching baseball, Aaron Judge, is enough to hold my interest. 

I'm tired of losing. Not the games per se, the Yankees win more than enough. They are not a "losing team", well, not until October anyway.  

I'm just tired of watching a team that doesn't will its way to wins. I'm tired of watching them make the same mistakes over and over and over. Listless and lifeless. They play like they are as bored as we are. 

El Duque pointed out the solo HR problem, others the lack of situational awareness. Why we should put up with any Mark Leiter Jr. appearance or any decisions made by an algorithm as opposed to what's actually taking place on the field is beyond me.  

And Then There's Boone.  

A failed sitcom name if I ever heard one. 

Maybe Gracie Cashman can play his daughter. 

Spoiler Alert, at the end of Season One she becomes engaged to Anthony Volpe and sets the wedding date for the middle of the playoffs. Hilarity ensues!

"Daaaaad you know you're going to lose in the first round anyway!"

--

I wish the Yankees the best. I wish all of you the best. We all deserve better.  

Perhaps I'll be back. 

It once took me five years to truly break up with a girlfriend. But eventually, break up we did. 

This feels like that. 

The Yankees' once great season has withered down to an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Aaron Boone deserves an Emmy.

The comedic template behind Curb Your Enthusiasm - the great "let's-laugh-at-the-boomer" comedy from Larry David - hinges on the beginning and ending of each episode. 

It starts with Larry bestriding his world of status and acclaim like a self-anointed colossus. It ends with him standing in a parking lot, being yelled at by - well - everybody. 

We can relate. We've been there. It's a pretty... pretty... pretty... perfect parable for modern life, the rise and fall of everyone. In recent years, it has come to mirror David's favorite team - the Yankees, of course: 

So... here we are: One measly, stinking game ahead in the AL East, plummeting in YES-Mo into a wild card race that, barely a month ago, seemed like a joke. 

On May 28, the Yankees led their knock-kneed division by seven games, and only the Tigers - a team that would surely wilt - stood between them and home field advantage through October. Yank fans could savor history's greatest hitter, perhaps the league's Cy Young pitcher, and the game's best bullpen. How could we end up being yelled at?

I believe the answer stems from the under-appreciated comedic genius of Aaron Boone. The man is a master of physical humor and sight gags. He deserves an Emmy or - better - a Nobel prize. Last night, there he was, looping his long arms like Art Carney, trying to separate an enraged Jazz Chisholm from the home plate umpire. He looked like Lucy over the chocolates, simultaneously trying to berate the ump and calm his player, as the game slid away. Masterful.  

Of course, it failed. Chisholm got booted, Boone nearly followed, and the Yankees ended up losing in 11 with five infielders, including a LF at 2B and a catcher playing 3B. Together, they watched a blooper fall. 

Cringe comedy gold. And it always requires the protagonist to fall ingloriously from his summit of hubris and self-appreciation. Night after night, the Yankees are perfecting this.  

Their remarkable offense - the Solo Homer Attack - is a work of art. Last night, Ben Rice hit a massive blast - nobody on, of course - and then they were done. Their "offense" came from a misplayed fly ball that turned into a triple, and a wild pitch with a runner on third. Aside from Rice's shot, nobody drove in a run with an actual well-barreled hit. 

I believe we are starting to see the 2025 Yankees for what they are. This is not the power team of the AL. It's a team that strikes out 12 times per game, a team that cannot hold leads, a team full of injuries, past and future, a team in - as Larry David would say - is in a pretty.... pretty... pretty.,.. deep freefall.