Hey, Duque! What's the story?

 

What's the current snowfall score? Who's in first? What's in second?

It's 2026, for Yankee fans, the looming Year of Cringe

Ancient Yankee-Mayan calendars, as seen on the Bigfoot Channel, culminate in 2026, the year of "Bone and Shit," believed to be a 10,000 year-old reference to "Boone and Schlittler."

My personal predictive juices - slathered all over the Med-Bed - involve the Doomsday Glacier, World Wars 3 and 4, an alien attack from that 31:ATLAS space ship, and a big year from Anthony Volpe. (By big, I mean .230.) 

Listen: I could be wrong. 

Either way, it's 2026 and Cooperstown Cashman has not yet done anything incredibly stupid. 

Basically, he hasn't done anything. 

The merriment begins tomorrow, I suppose. Watch the skies, and happy new year. 

Happy Tatsuya Imai Day. Ten observations on the state of the Yankees.

1. Tatsuya Imai has until Friday to sign. 

2. The Yankees really, really, really need another starter. 

3. Imai is the best available, unless they work a trade. 

4. Their farm system is drained from last August deadline deals.

5. Compared to other farm systems, they cannot compete in trades.

6. They seem to be trying to re-create last year's team.

7. Last year's team finished second in the AL East.

8. Their anchors - Judge, Stanton, Cole, Rodon, et al - are aging.

9. Toronto, Boston and Baltimore have all made recent upgrades.

10. In public statements, Hal Steinbrenner shows no willingness to increase spending.

Thus, by Friday, we should know where this team is going in 2026.

So, happy friggin new year. 

Hey, Hal: Tatsuya Imai is waiting for you. It's time to make your move!

Hello, Mr. Steinbrenner, 

A few words, please...? 

(Clears throat. Deep breath. Wipes sweat.) 

JEEZE KRICE, MAN! WAKE UP AND GET IN THE GAME!

By Friday, Tatsuya Imai - the best free agent pitcher on the market - either signs with an MLB team or returns to Japan in 2026.

Dear God, he's standing there, RIGHT THERE!  You can't miss him. He's bobbing his head to the music, tapping his toes, trying to look cool. He's waiting for somebody - HE'S WAITING FOR YOU, DAMMIT - to walk up and say those simple but magical words that have conjured generations of human history... 

"Hey, ya wanna dance?"

THAT'S IT! That's all it will take! Just buck up! Comb your hair. Tuck in your shirt. Swallow your gum. Take one step, then another. Pretend to be confident, even though you're terrified. Just go to him, now!

Listen: He won't bite. He's as frightened as you are. Make an offer. Twenty-five a year. You've got the money, dammit. What else will you buy? Another Mexican League MVP? The Cy Young winner of Madagascar? 

Come on, man. YOU CAN DO THIS! You've waited all winter. You stood in the corner, watching other owners do it. The O's signed Pete Alonso, the Blue Jays got Dylan Cease, the Redsocks, Sonny Gray. You just watched. 

COME ON, MAN! GET IN THE GAME! 

As Katy Perry says... 

You got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire, 'cause you're a champion,
And we're gonna hear you ROARRRRR!

Listen: You won't be 56 forever. Time's a movin'. This is it, your golden peak, your last great youthful fling in the garden of erect nipples. Make your move, lad. He's waiting for you. IT'S TIME TO ROARRRR!

Who is Nick Torres, and why should we - (or Ben Rice) - care?

Over Christmas, the Yankees announced the signing of Nick Torres, a 32-year-old, right-handed 1B/OF, and the reigning Mexican League MVP.

On behalf of the Yankiverse, I would like to say the following: 

Huh? 

Is this a thing? Mexican League? Could it matter? Is this a breakthrough, or something we'll laugh about in June? Is Nicholas Torres the next "Never Nervous" Yangervis, or the new Zolio Almonte? Isn't this just the kind of signing that Cooperstown Cashman loves - high intrigue, low cost? Could Nick Torres fill a RH void at 1B and/or LF?

Ten potentially fun facts about Nick Torres.

1. He is the first Torres to play for the Yankees since Gleyber. 

2. He's a native of Long Beach, California, drafted out of college at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo.  

3. Last year, in Mexico, he hit .347 with 27 HRs and 79 RBIs, in only 86 games.

4. He's been mashing in the Mexican League for the last five seasons.

5. He'll be earmarked for Scranton. But if he hits in spring training, Torres could work himself into a platoon at 1B or LF. 

6. He is 6'1" and 220. (By comparison, Ben Rice is 6'2", 228.)

7. His potential MLB career fizzled out in 2019, at Triple A.  

8. That year, he batted a meager .195 and then jumped to Mexico. (That year, the league was considered Triple A. It now has no designation.)

9. He's been a Mexican League all-star the last two years.

10. Upon his signing, Union Laguna - his former team - released the following statement: 

“Your time with the Revolución leaves a mark on the diamond, in the stands, and in the hearts of our people. Today it’s your turn to keep growing and fulfill one more dream, now with the Yankees organization. It fills us with pride to see you take this step and take your talent to a new stage. La Laguna and Algodoneros will always be your home. Thank you, Nick.”

It is with a Heaney Heart that I announce right here, in this very blog that ~

Brian Cashman will no longer be looking to bring back Andrew Heaney to the shore/sure up Aaron Boone's 2026 starting rotation because the former Yankees hurler has officially announced his retirement from baseball.

  

When reached for a comment, Sonny Gray yelled out,

" LET GO YANKEES – 2 0 2 6 !"

America, Worst. Clutch time for the Jersey Gints

To dream the impossible dream,
To fight the unbeatable foe,
To bear with unbearable sorrow,
To blame everything on Daboll. 

Today, the New York Effing Football Giants chase their rightful place in history.  

They play the Raiders, a team so woeful that old-time fans still can't remember the city they represent. 

They face the ultimate quest: To lose to the losingest losers - the lost loss leaders - on their righteous path to the first pick in next spring's NFL draft.

Or they can win an utterly meaningless game, costing them the first pick, and - frankly - condemning both them and their horrified fans to suffer for the rest of our meager, unfulfilled lives.

Lose two more games - just two - and the Giants can draft first. They can either select a QB (because they managed to ruin Jaxson Dart in barely one-half season) or trade their top pick for a bundle of other choices. 

There is one impossible dream.

And the world will be better for this.
That one team, weak and covered with scars
Still strove with its last ounce of hubris
To draft an un-draftable star!

Pondering the Three True Outcomes of the Yankee winter.

By this time next Friday, Tatsuya Imai will have signed with somebody.  

Let us ponder the Three True Outcomes of the Yankee Distress Continuum.

1. Yanks sign him. Their recent poor-mouthing was fakery. They'll have addressed their greatest need. They'll have spent money and secured a solid starter. This will likely end their heavy winter spending. Cory Bellinger signs elsewhere, and LF goes to the Martian or Spencer Jones.

2. He signs with a team from Nowhere. Seattle, Atlanta, Philly - some backwater junction we visit every three years. He cannot hurt us. (In the bidding war, the Yanks, of course, will come in second.) Cashman will peruse the recycling bins and give a false chase to Bellinger. The Martian/Jones still have a chance. 

3. He signs with a rival. The Mets, Boston, Toronto, even Baltimore? Sirens will blare! Flashers will flash! Dogs and cats, living together!  Cashman, in distress, might go all-in on Bellinger. The OF becomes a logjam, and Martian/Jones become chips. Cashman remakes the team with trades. 

One week...

A Little Poetry On A Bleak Rainy Day

Off-Seasonal Affective Disorder

The cold wind of a swinging strike three,

in the bottom of the ninth of that playoff game they should have won.

But didn’t.

The days grow shorter now. Or is it longer?

The three-hour escape…

No longer there.

 

Instead, the “Hot Stove”…

Empty talk of Free Agents and trades that never happen.

Poor kindling at best.

I suppose it’s better now. With blogs and such.

Then when I waited  for that first true sign of spring.

Street and Smith.

 

Three words

Telling me the world begins anew.

Then the most important three words of all…

Pitchers and Catchers. 

With 12 back pages left in 2025, the Knicks are in command, while the Yankees hibernate

Well, we knew this day would come...

Generally, the Yankees have ruled NYC sports since the mid-1990s, when Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera led the team to four world championships. The Mets were snake-bitten, and the Giants/Jets - (except for two Super Bowl miracles) - long ago became embarrassments. The Knicks, Nets, Rangers, Islanders, Devils - you just had to walk away. 

How could New York sports be so sad, so underwhelming? There was something in the water, or maybe the culture or - most likely - the poor-mouthing, billionaire nepo babies who owned NY's professional teams.

So, here we are... 

For six years, every day, we've counted back pages, seeking to gauge the zeitgeist of Gotham by one obvious indicator: the wild burst of free publicity found in tabloid back pages.

For six years, the Yankees always prevailed. 

Clearly, they represented the pride of NYC. They were the New York fucking Yankees, the team of Ruth, Gehrig, Joltin' Joe, the Mick, Yogi, Reggie, et al. They stood for money, for political power, for status quo, for America, and for 27 world championships - more than twice that of their nearest competitor, the St. Louis Cardinals, (with 11.) They were the Bombers, the apex predator of Gotham, and when it came to tabloid back pages, they always led. Of course, they did!

Until now. 

With one week left, they appear to be going down.

Barring a massive trade or free agent signing - (and, to be honest, either could happen) - the Yankees will be dethroned for the first time. The Knicks hold a 3.5 cover lead.  

The reason is simple. The Yankees have no bluster. When owner Hal Steinbrenner speaks, he whines about paying the bills. Several teams - most notably, the Mets - spend far more on payroll, and you never see the owners carping. They see big payrolls as the price of winning. Hal seems tired of running the Yankees, and the people of New York City can sense it. 

Well, maybe he'll surprise us. I'm the kid who, finding shit under the Christmas tree, runs to the back yard, shouting, "There must be a pony!" More likely, though, something incredibly sad has just happened. 

The Yankees are losing New York City. 

If they do, they might not get it back in our lifetimes. 

Cashman Plays Santa

Cashman has decided the Yankees have enough toys.  Let the other teams sign the stars from Japan, the Dominican and from free agency.  

We don't even need most of our own guys who have proven themselves in the test of not coming in first. 

Add old vets who were, at best mediocre. 

Win 82 games with a hot streak at the end in games that matter not. 

The Yankees have gotten weaker.

Thanks, Santa.

The year before the strike can't end soon enough.  

There will be World Cup soccer. 

An Above Average Christmas Day Wish to All of You Who May Still Care out There . . .

With Special Thanks to Bitty for his inspired Jack Torrance input

and assistance . . . 

 

Also, my most sincere apologies to JM and others that use their cell

phone to view these posts on.  You will need to make it BIGGER to

enjoy everything it has to offer.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MEMORY, KNICKS TAKE DECEMBER LEAD IN TABLOID COVERS RACE

 

Since we launched the count in 2019, the Yankees have always ruled NYC's tabloid back pages. It has never even been close. 

With one week left in 2025, the Knicks now hold the lead. (See the standings, at left.)

This week, unless the Yankees do something, they will no longer be New York's team.