Yes, it's Girardi's Frozen Yogurt
Monday, February 28, 2011
Utica woman wakes up to find stranger in bed, rubbing her back.
Who is this man and why did he turn up there?
July 12, 2011: After 40 straight hours of hearings, Proctor finishes investigation.
July 20, 2011: To investigate burgeoning steroids scandal, Torre brings in MLB assistant Scott Proctor.
July 28, 2011: Marathon investigation concludes with death of Scott Proctor, believed self-inflicted. Torre hires new special assistant Tanyon Sturtze.
Aug. 4, 2011: After becoming catatonic during 123rd hour of interviews, Tanyon Sturtze undergoes "Tommy John surgery for the brain."
Aug. 5, 2011: Torre announces hiring of MLB special investigator Paul Quantrill.
Sept. 1, 2011: New York Times publishes expose of racism in baseball. Torre announces hiring of new MLB press secretary Gary Sheffield.
Oct. 28, 2011: ALCS ends with Yanks losing to Indians, amid hugel bug infestiation. During game, Torre demands both teams leave playing field. He is overruled by Bud Selig, and two weeks later -- following funeral services for Paul Quantrill -- announces his retirement.
What took so long to give this guy Vazquez a chance, even last year? Instead they've been cockin around with the likes of Andruw Jones & Co.
South of the border - down Mexico way
That's where I found yank love and brought back stars above - who'll come out to play
And now as I wander - my minor league system ever astray
I should just scout south of the border - down Mexico way
Jon Landau, 1971.
"If he (Jorge Vazquez) hits a homer every day, I'm sure he'll get the Grapefruit MVP."
Joe Girardi, 2011
Such high praise must put pressure onVazquez, the 28-year-old Mexican League slugger who has pounded epic home runs in each of the first two spring games.
MVP of the Grapefruit League.
Hard to imagine a rawboned rook reaching such legendary status.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
February 23, 2011 Wednesday
The ice is gone! The fields are cleared and people of all ages are back on the diamond throwing, catching, batting and talking baseball. It is exciting to watch young children take the practice fields for the first time with their parents cheering them on. It becomes a great opportunity for physical exercise, build character and self-esteem, learn to be a team member and also learn to win and lose in life. Then there are the fields with other young people playing softball and baseball for their schools or local team. The high schools, colleges and professional teams play and also provide excellent family entertainment. I love it! And when the October frost comes back we will have enjoyed another season of baseball ... and the Yankees will have won their 28th World Series.
Freddie Garcia, no strings attached
Derek Jeter, sanctum
We know it's true, because they deny it:
“We did not hire a private investigator,’’ said (Theo Epstein) the Sox general manager yesterday. “We did not follow Carl away from the park. We would never go that far. We simply had our scouts do a thorough job on his background and makeup, the way we do for all players of interest."
Yeah. Right. Welcome to The Gawk Machine, Mr. C, and while you stand naked in the carwash, please bend over. You'll hear strange sounds. Don't worry. It's just Fimble Fingers Epstein and half the Boston Herald city desk donning rubber gloves. By the way, do you have any overdue library videos directed by Russ Meyers? Any late night trips to a Tampa emergency room, accompanied by John Travolta?
Compare to Boston, we're like the debtors colony of 18th century Georgia. When we signed Bartolo Colon and Freddie Garcia, the required physicals must have resembled a New York State Motor Vehicles car inspection. "Can you hop 30 times on one foot, Freddie? No? No problem." "Nah, Bartolo, leave your pants on. We've seen enough!"
As we speak, Redsock operatives are probaby tailing Alphonso, as he plans his March trip. Let's hope they get too close. His Russ Meyers collection could scorch some tender eyelids.
February 20, 2011 Sunday
As a Yankee fan, athlete and student of sports psychology, I predict -- and hope -- pitcher Andy Pettitte will be back in pinstripes before preseason opening day. I say this knowing absence does make the heart grow fonder, and believing Andy, thus soon to be climbing the walls, watching the Yankees head for spring training, who knew his family's wishes when he announced his retirement, will realize the phenomenal opportunity as yet open to him.
When again will he be able to bask, full-time, in the limelight, playing the game he loves so much, the game for which he has demonstrated such talent, while getting paid handsomely?
Once Pettitte, realizing he still has what it takes, begins thinking positive, ridding his brain of all the trashy self-talk, 2011 can be the best season of his career.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Nevertheless, he recently received an education from Betty Fitzwater. (pictured, right)
Betty was mildly upset because I said something negative about the New York Yankees. I'm not sure what it was I said about the Yankees because I say a lot of negative things about the Yankees. But whatever I said, Betty took issue with, and she shared her feelings with me.
"I am 85 years old," Betty said. "I have been a Yankee fan longer than you have been alive. The Yankees are the elite of baseball, whether they win or lose, they are Yankees."
Betty also pointed out -- correctly, I might add -- that there hasn't been a Little League, high school or college baseball player who didn't dream of "wearing pin-stripes and playing in Yankee Stadium."
Betty pointed out that it's not really the team's job to set limits on how much a team can pay its players. That job, she wrote, belongs to Major League Baseball.
Later, in her letter, Betty suggested that the real villains in baseball are the owners of teams like the Kansas City Royals.
"They don't want or intend to win very many games," Betty wrote. "Their so called 'deals' have the smell of an Alaskan salmon."
Don't you just love Betty?
Yes. We do. And she's almost 100 percent right. In fact, KC deals smell like a week-old Alaskan salmon. And she forgot to mention that the Royals are owned by David Glass, former CEO of Wal-Mart, which means the bum has all the money in the world. He just likes the smell of stale salmon.
I wish I could tell Betty that she is wrong. I wish I could tell Betty that she is way off the mark and misinformed, but I can't.
Hey, WTF? I might like this guy.
What I can tell Betty is that I really don't dislike the Yankees. I dislike the idea of the Yankees. OK, I also dislike the Steinbrenners, but who doesn't?
Maybe no. At the least the Steinbrothers aren't trying to bust unions.
Betty, thanks for the great letter. Your letter will make me think twice before I make fun of the Yankees again. I'll probably still make fun of them, but at least I'll think twice before I do.
And Betty, I hope the Yankees have a good season. I just hope the Cardinals have a better season.
This lady should ride in Gator's car with Yogi.
This is good. Last we looked, it was still legal to mug for a camera. And unless the Redsocks want to lug around an Igloo cooler containing Ted Williams head, we have the spring lead in mascot iconnery.
I gotta believe that puts John & Luke in their places.
He said it in reference to Andruw Jones, who has lived an endless journey in coming to New York.
And John was right.
You never know.
That's the news on CBS-NYC: A-Rod stuffs his fat face with more than popcorn. He stuffs it with tax-breaks that should have gone to you: John Q. Met.
The property tax bill on A-Rod's super-luxury, the-rats-even-smell-nice, $6 million penthouse will be a meager, Syracuse-like $1,150. CBS claims that comes to 4-cents a day, though Fred Wilpon must be doing the math.
Yes, Alex is one of the 45,000 supremely rich, gold-pantalooned Manhattan dandies who pig out at the public trough more heavily than any welfare queen ever imagined. He's practically one of the Pruits of South Hampton. It's a scandal! It's an outrage! It's enough of a plot for a Ben Affleck movie -- a new reason for Yankee-haters to do what they love to do most: Hate Yankees, (while complaining about the teachers' union.)
Says the Woodward/Bernsteins of CBS:
A-Rod’s taxes are so low that if he paid the going rate his tax bill would be 50 times higher. He should get such a break when he faces the Red Sox pitching staff.
Great kicker line, eh? ... when he faces the Red Sox pitching staff.
Listen: We long ago became a culture that only debates issues when they touch a celebrity. The U.S. Supreme Court guarantees that we can say anything about Charlie Sheen, as long as we arrest Wikileaks. Someday, surely A-Rod will go to jail for his crimes against humanity. Let's hope he gets a break from the Attica prison staff.
It's the contract year. The Reggie Year. It's the season for posting numbers -- or saying goodbye.
Unless you've spent all your time watching Fox News, you've heard the rumors: That the Steinbrothers intend to flip 2012-and-beyond radio rights to ESPN - The Voice of Fenway - resulting in a nightmare play-by-play scenario of Tim McCarver, Joe Buck and Curt Schilling.
Today begins The Master's final tee-shots to the 18th green of Broadcast Immortality.
His final A-Bombs from A-Rod, the last ribbies from Robbie, the farewell Text Messages and Juicings from Jorgie.
This is the season when John Sterling must shatter the All-Time WinWarble record of 8.02 seconds.
He must defeat the most powerful foe he's ever faced.
But how can science record the achievement, if MLB bans reproduced game events -- and refuses to measure WinWarbles itself?
Bud Selig is a hair-woven Hosni Mubarak, a dictator who ignores the masses who want honest measurment of WinWarbles -- not government-rehashed game scores that nobody believes.
This year, It is High faces its greatest test:
WE MUST DEVELOP A MECHANISM FOR MEASURING THE WINWARBLE -- AND INSPIRE A WORLD REVOLUTION.
The Yankees are asking all fans to arrive early and be in their seats by 12:40 p.m. with the ceremony scheduled to start at 12:45 p.m.
The George M. Steinbrenner High School marching band will begin the ceremony with a special performance followed by a video tribute in honor of the former Yankees owner who passed away last July.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Today, he must be remembered as the Yankee who refused to swap his soul to Big Papi Affleck and Nomar Damon.
The two Hollywood dreamboats want to make a Redsock propaganda film to be played in Boston drug dens and madrassas, whipping up anti-Yankee rage in cuddly pre-pubes too young to know their voices haven't even changed yet.
Normally, every lip-injected harlot and snakeskinned agent in Tinseltown does a knees-open backflip at the thought of a call from Bourne Boy and/or Mr. Armageddon. They're used to calling the shots, moreso than Babe Ruth.
But Mike Kekich is holding the line. No dice, Redsocks.
Hang in there, Kek. There's a winning deal waiting for you in heaven.
Rothschild: No. Yes. No. What difference does it make?
Girardi: I don't know. He's throwing, right? Losing... the weight?
Rothschild: Yes, we wait.
Girardi: No. I mean his weight.
Rothschild: His weight is our weight. So we wait.
Girardi: Wait. I'm not sure about this.
Rothschild: Neither am I. That's why we're waiting.
Girardi: To see his weight?
Rothschild: Yes. And so we wait.
2. Arod boosted when Cameron Diaz gets bargain on Gaddafi's old miniskirts.
3. New opening for Hank Steinbrenner to make rambling, 90-minute address to U.N. Assembly
4. Renewed cries for vengeance after former aides reveal that Gaddafi ordered signing of Kei Igawa.
5. For mansion help, Jeter hires Gaddafi's newly unemployed staff of virgin Amazonian bodyguards.
6. John Sterling freed-up to describe 7th inning Little Debbie snack cakes as "Gaddafi-licious."
7. Mariano Rivera nickname lengthened to "Mo-ammar."
8. Rivera to ride in from bullpen on camel.
9. To improve interviews on "YES Center Stage," Michael Kay perfects "glazed eyes" style.
10. Whatever hallucinogens those rebel Libyan teens are taking... we get 'em.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
On our death beds, in the home, minimum wage nursing aides will be playing "Journey" songs for us, hoping to cheer us up. And it'll probably be the "Glee" soundtrack.
Yes, here is proof that there is no God: Two Glee stars -- Lea Michelle and Dianna Agron -- pimping Redsockware, like a pair of bonged-up Mily Cyrus in biker g-strings. And get this...
They want it both ways.
Just in case someone might get the wrong idea, Michele tweeted this message with the photo.
"But don't let the hat fool you though...I'm a Yankee fan all the way!!!!!!!"
Kill me. Make it fast. Just end it.
With Yankee fans like this, we must abandon hope.
Not sure how to gauge this. Certainly, they know more than we. Caught no buzz about Mujica magic. Maybe he can hit. Maybe he can field. Maybe we shouldn't shake the gift box too hard. We constantly carp about signing free agents. Hell, sign 'em all! It's not like we've traded Betances to Havana.
But... seriously... 26 years old? Shortstop? Hmm. With Nunez, Pena and Ronnie Belliard, it's not like we face a utility IF void, either. Let's say this guy needs a year at Scranton. That puts him at 27 -- Cody Ransom country -- breaking in next spring. Is he maybe a clubhouse leader? Or, best hope yet, some Cuban prospect's uncle?
Fukkit. As Yankee fans, we love to open gifts. This Christmas, we didn't get what we wanted. Sometimes, even if the box is empty, or it turns out to be a gag tie, the fun part is just pulling off the wrapping paper.
Enjoy it. Yadil Mujica, the Cuban Sensation, is a Yankee! Don't look too closely.
The linked article has very encouraging news about Manny Banuelos. DON"T TRADE HIM!
Derek Jeter’s new swing will get a lot of attention this year. With exhibition games only a few days away, watch as Yankees hitting coach Kevin Long describes for me in detail the change in Jeter’s swing:
Long has been with the Yankees since 2007. He recently completed a book called “Cage Rat: Lessons from a Life in Baseball by the Yankees Hitting Coach.” Co-authored by Glen Waggoner, it is due for an April 26th release from Ecco Publishing.
Adam Wainwright's elbow hadn't even been x-rayed, but already the chatterbox Yankiverse was musing whether a depleted St. Louis would peddle us Chris Carpenter for the next generation.
Must we always do this?
(NOTE: I appreciate that all world events are only relevant in terms of how they affect the Yankees. I'm still processing Mubarak's impact on our bullpen.)
What rattles me is the Yankiverse's addiction to trading youth for last-gasp retreads, and then pretending we just got some star pitcher for free. Ian Kennedy, anyone? Austin Jackson. Does the name ring a bell?
Folks, this is a bridge year. This is a transition year. We are moving into a new era of Yankee players and pitchers. Some might be ready by September, an injection of youth the organization has not seen since 1995.
Unless we trade them for Chris Carpenter.
No trades of prospects! No salary dumps! None. Please, Cashman, I beg you. Don't do it!
It's time for a salary dump diet. Old guys don't win the World Series. Look at the San Francisco Giants. Look at the Texas Rangers.
Listen: You can grab a spare part in July. But nobody -- nobody -- gets a great deal on a used car in February, when every team still has unlimited hope. All you can do is trade good young players for bad transmissions.
We can sign free agents. But let's go with youth. Maybe that means Brandon Laird instead of Eric Chavez, and Eduardo Nunez instead of Ronnie Belliard. It means a new generation of Yankees -- players who will over-achieve. We must not throw them out like Monopoly money whenever some old guy comes on the market.
The kids will be all right. Please, please, please... don't trade them.
This is why we love spring training. More, Mr. Araton, more.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The very first night we met started as nothing more than a chance meeting in a bar, which turned into a discussion of sports -- our love of the Yankees (we met during the Yankees-Mets World Series in 2000), music and so many other things that we had in common. Then, she suddenly admitted that she ate plain tuna fish right out of the can. That may seem insignificant or even silly to others, but I have always eaten tuna plain right out of the can and had never in my life met anyone else who did. Now, after more than 10 years together and eight years happily married, we still look back at that exact moment as our dealmaker.
This is a kid that is a big kid.
This is a large man
And it’s not always
So easy to be a smaller
But physically, he's gotten to
Where he can be a pretty small
With his flexibility and all
Of those things that it takes,
It's going to happen.
-- J. Girardi, to Lohud, 2/23/11--
a euphemism. A bad choice for a euphemism, but it was a euphemism."
Such reactions are absurdities, abominations, fecund and infertile feaux-figments of controversy. There is nothing here.
We believe Mr. Steinbrenner, in speaking emphemistically about mansions and communism, was merely using the topical vehicles as metaphorical tools to dialogue with Yankee fans in a generalized euphanistic expressionalism.
We at IT IS HIGH enjoy dialoguing extemporaneously, and we look forward to more cogent, though unconventional, conversations with and from Mr. Steinbrenner.
Bravo, Mr. Eloqutionizer. Bravo.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Says Patrick Hruby, arguing that the Yankees are the real socialists.
The New York Yankees play in new Yankee Stadium, a building whose $1.5 billion price tag largely was covered by $1.2 billion in tax-exempt bonds. New York City's Independent Budget Office estimated that building the stadium cost taxpayers $362 million and that public financing will save the Yankees $787 million over 40 years. A New York State assemblyman argues that the stadium actually will cost taxpayers $4 billion over the same time, because the Yankees will not pay property tax on the building.
Hruby, don't take your love to town.
The Yankees are not the only pro team liplocked onto the public teat. What they are though, is the one team that spends every fucking cent trying to win every fucking year. It's a fool's game, because sometimes everything falls apart, and we're laughingstocks. We'd do better playing the Pittsburgh Pirates' strategy -- sit back and bank the checks. But no, we try each year. And yes, we fight the salary cap.
Listen: It's subversive to be a Yankee fan. We're the franchise that ruins it for the other billionaires. If this were the NFL, the Yankees would have kicked out long ago.
If not for us... harumph!... why... if only the Yankees never existed in MLB....
1. There'd be no team that every veteran player would bank on to pay market value. The owners wouldn't have to worry about the Yankees buying the pennant.
2. Scott Boras would be an accountant in Tulsa. No owner would ever worry about Boras holding his team for ransom, merely a hometown favorite -- facing the most important contract negotiations of his life -- wanted to be paid top dollar.
3. There would absolute parity, like in the NFL, where every team is in the race until the last game, and nobody stands out.
4. There'd be no one big bad team that everybody hates. Why, the Seattle Mariners could have a barnburner of a rivalry with the Kansas City Royals!
5. There'd be no dynasties. Hell, after every World Series, salary caps would kick in, forcing the champions to be eaten alive, like the big-boobed babe in "Piranha 3-D."
6. Everybody could hate the Mets, simply because of the New York thing.
7. The Redsocks would be MLB's top team. (Hey, did I mention this was written by ESPN? What a coincidence!)
experience a remake of the film "Single White Female."
who loves to cook certain exotic dishes.