Mets brace for "Day of Rage"

MLB has beefed up nationwide security in anticipation of a massive turnout of furious Met fans, demanding that the Wilpon administration leave immediately.

Mobilized by Facebook pages and Twitter entries, which chronicled the team's winter failure to jettison Oliver Perez, angry fans have gathered outside the Mets' Florida complex, chanting "Death to Defecators" and "Freedom from Beltran."

In response, the Wilpons were said to be searching for "the button that will turn off the Internet."

Due to the demoralized Met fan base, bloodshed is not expected. But team officials are expecting many Starbucks lattes to be poured onto the sidewalks outside the Met complex, creating heartbreak for the family as they motorcade to and from the headquarters.

"After waterboarding failed to break those guys at Gitmo, the CIA forced them to watch videotapes of Met games," grumbled a blogger, who gave his name simply as "Whitey." "They're even more tedious than a Derek Jeter interview."