FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Posted by el duque at 6:27 AM
No Suzyn's Clubhouse Report.
Suddenly, humankind will be able to predict baseball.
The Mayans projected that everything would end in 2012. They were huge Yankee fans. (The Aztecs, however, whose million man army surrendered to Hernan Cortez, were Met fans.)
Next year, the Yankees will put their radio broadcast rights out to bid. The winning media outlet will decide on its announcers. ESPN, a front-runner, would probably hire Yankee-neutral voices -- if not anti-Yankee activists. (Note to Sterling critics: When our games are called by Curt Schilling and Pedro Martinez, you might miss John more than you think.)
Thus, we believe John Sterling's final game - whenever it comes - will be a landmark event in world and Yankee history.
IN HIS FINAL GAME, LET JOHN STERLING MANAGE THE YANKEES.
LET SUZYN BE BENCH COACH.
LET HIM USE HIS SPORTS INSTINCTS TO WIN A GAME, RATHER THAN SIMPLY REPORT IT.
Sign the petition:
What will this mean for that incredible game?
1. We'll play A-B-C baseball. If we get a man on second with nobody out, YOU BETTER GODDAMM BELIEVE we will move the man over to third, and then score him on a fly ball or grounder.
2. With a three-and-one count, if the pitcher is struggling with control, YOU BETTER GODDAMM BELIEVE the batter will be told to take a pitch. I don't care who it is, either. It's just smart baseball.
3. Brett Gardner gets on first? YOU BETTER BELIEVE HE WILL RUN. What's the point of having that speed if he's not running?
4. Any chance of predicting what will happen? What do you think?