Larry Rothschild, as a goodwill gesture?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Larry Rothschild, as a goodwill gesture?
Episode Number: 73 Season Number: 3 First Aired: October 1, 1957 "Bilko's Bombers" are dragging themselves back to the barracks after being shellacked, 24-0, in a baseball game. "It's more like Bilko's misguided missiles," says Ernie in disgust. They fact the motor pool team lost to the WAC typists is all the more insulting. Bilko takes turns picking on some of the players. What really upsets him is that he has $50 bet with Ridzik and Grover on the game next week against Company A and now thinks "I can kiss that money goodbye."
The next day, while on the shooting range, they get a new recruit, "Hank Lumpkin," a Hillybilly from Tennessee (talk about a stereotype). He demonstrates you don't need bullets to hit that target 150 yards away. He throws rocks that hit the bullseye every time with an assortment of pitches. Bilko, of course, is excited: he has a pitcher, and someone who nobody would be able to hit! He rushes back and suckers the opponents into upping the ante for the baseball bet.
He wins the bet, even though Lumpkin hurts his left hand and has to pitch his right. He can also hit the ball out of sight. Now Bilko sets his sets higher: the Yankees. He can make a fortune as this kid's agent.
What happens next with the Yankees is very funny with several unexpected twists and turns. We also get cameos from four New York Yankee players of the era: Yogi Berra, Gil McDougald, Whitey Ford and Phil Rizzuto.
This episode was extremely entertaining and the type of show that helped make this program so highly-rated."
Monday, November 29, 2010
Long before Jeter, a Rookie of the Year SS played 10 years for the Yankees and went to the World Series in eight of them. He died today.
2. Owns winter home in Tampa.
3. Would have to change logo on checks.
4. Doesn't want to have to memorize new zip code.
5. Currently lives near good take-out deli.
6. Would have to reconfigure car to new AM stations.
7. John Sterling's suicide on his hands.
8. Doesn't want to watch Eduardo Nunez break his hitting records.
9. Would lose chances with Kirsten Gillibrand.
10. How do we say it? Eighty million greenies, simolians, dee-dongs, manoogas, blondcatchers... Reggies.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Mortal enemy the Boston Dirt Dogs website ran a poll last week:
Saturday, November 27, 2010
The man pretending to be insurgent agent Casey Close was in fact a shopkeeper from Quetta in Western Pakistan, they said.
“Imagine,” Mohammad Shapiro, a senior Taliban commander, (pictured) told IT IS HIGH, “if a shopkeeper from Quetta can make barnyard pigs of them (the Steinbrenners) and keep them engaged in talks for a six or seven year deal at $150 million, how do they believe they can sign Cliff Lee?
"Oy," he continued. "A hundred fifty million? That's a chunka poppy droppings. If our leadoff terrorist hit into 20 doubleplays, we would post his butterknife beheading on YouTube. Of course, we cannot post anything on YouTube because of their infidel copyright lawyers. Did you know they are Hamas?"
Friday, November 26, 2010
Today, the nation again turns its lonely eyes to the team of The Babe, The Mick, The Scooter, The Iron Horse, The Yog, The Giambino, Captain, The Yankee Clipper, The Grandy Man and The Yankees win, Thuuuuugh Yankees win.
Today, we must shop.
But not like Pirates. Not like Mariners. Not like Rockies.
We must shop like Yankees.
1. Find a compromise deal with Derek Jeter, showing the fractured U.S. political system that negotiations can work, that Americans agree on far more than we disagree.
2. Give the great Mariano Rivera whatever he wants, re-establishing our nation's economic supremacy in the hemisphere.
3. Sign Cliff Lee, telling the world: Write this down, everybody! The Yankees will win the 2011 World Series.
4. Buy a lefty reliever -- a Downs, a Merrill, who cares! -- showing that America cannot be held hostage over a strategic component, such as oil or rare earth.
5. Devalue the price of our tickets, showing that the Yankee recovery will be shared by everybody!
5. Cut overpriced players and family ownership in-laws and hangers on -- you know their names -- who bloat our budget and threaten our future.
6. Resign the legendary radio voices of America... who bring truth to oppressed listeners throughout the world.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Hey, the man drove in 100 runs!
That's 12th best in the whole league!
Plus, Tea Party America loves a reborn, white ex-junkie who worships Jesus, refuses to let alcohol touch his body, and wears cool tattoos, which makes him edgy in a Disney-biker-Miley Cyrus sort of way. He wouldn't get my vote, but we knew he'd win. Hell, by mid-August, the world had decided. America never wants to disappoint God.
Still... Robbie Cano... third?
Fuck you, MLB. Fuck you, hacks.
You had to do it, didn't you? You had to show the dirty, rotten New York Yankees -- the market you never ascended to -- who's boss! So you voted Miguel Cabrera, the man without a glove, based on the numbers that didn't matter in the case of Josh Hamilton. You needed a Bristol Palin. Oh! you showed us! Too bad you couldn't justify pumping a Redsock into the top three. The perfect tri-fecta.
Robbie Cano is baseball's best infielder. You assholes gave Jeter a gold glove, only because Cano is his automatic DP relay to first. By mid-May, Cano was the Yankees best player, and in September, while Cabrera honed his average in meaningless at-bats, and while Hamilton nursed his tender ribs, worrying if he could hit that magic 100th RBI, Cano single-handedly pulled the Yankees to the pennant.
Last year, the MVP went to Joe Mauer. Two years ago, Dustin Pedroia.
Robbie Cano, third...?
I don't believe this shit.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
"I don't know what Gary Sheffield ever thought the Yankees owed him, or maybe he hates White America or he's just a liberal fast-mouth, but if he lipped off to me like he did Joe Torre, he'd be on the first ice truck to Nome."
Monday, November 22, 2010
BUSH: Right. In this case, I was invited to come and throw out the pitch at Yankee stadium. I thought it was important for the president to come back to New York again as part of the healing process and as part of the process of letting New Yorkers know the rest of the country cared for them. For all the city had been through a lot.
BUSH: And I accepted the invitation. And I got to tell you, that was the most nerve-racking experience of my presidency. It's the most nervous moment of the presidency.
KILMEADE: When you were on the mound?
BUSH: Yes, absolutely. I was --
DOOCY: You were in a flak jacket, right?
BUSH: I was. But that's not what made me nervous. What made me nervous - - really made me nervous was Yankee captain Derek Jeter saying if you bounce it, they'll boo you. And I was thinking about that when I went out there.
I didn't want to bounce it and I got out on the mound and the ball felt like a shot put. I'm not kidding you. My adrenalin was pumping to the point where that ball felt so heavy. And Todd Green who was a catcher looked very small. And so thankfully I didn't bounce it.
DOOCY: Shortly after that, we went to war.
5. In recent years, your "strike zone" certainly has improved. Are more changes coming?
9. Governor, we know you're tired of this, but everyone here at Fox News can't help but be wondering if you are considering a run for U.S. President in 2012?
10. Do people on the Harry Potter set ever quip, "Elementary, my dear Watson!" and when they do, how can you keep from breaking up?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Translation: A hole in the head.
2. Jeet wants six? Think: Willie Mays as Met.
3. Jesus is coming! (Unless we trade him.)
4. Who the hell is Larry Rothschild?
5. TSA groin rubs: Yankee Stadium 2011?
6. Royals wedding! Takes edge off Juan Miranda trade.
7. Bristol Palin: Legs like Gardner, face like Joba.
8. C.C. screwed by Gammonites. (Hope Cliff Lee isn't watching.)
9. Jorge gets new knee. Shoulda done it in July.
10. Minka Kelly, barely bare! (Bet Cliff Lee is watching.)
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Yes, those magical, ghostly grounds -- where the likes of Lou Gehrig, Joe Louis, Mickey Mantle and Frank Gifford became legends -- today will host the hydrocarbon fumes of 10,000 cars and buses, full of people attending a nearby football game.
The landmark cathedral -- razed and dismantled last year so that clumps of concrete could be shrink-wrapped into Steiner Collectibles -- has been successfully redefined in the vaunted American memory hole.
Today, when Army plays Notre Dame, the fantastical dreams of corporations and politicians across New York will finally come true, as network TV and the U.S. media pretend nothing changed -- that the dollar-buffed fortress of disco lounges and skyboxes was always here -- back in the days of Blanchard and the Four Horsemen. So because it calls itself Yankee Stadium, it inherits the majesty of the old one.
Think: Frank Sinatra and Frank Sinatra Jr.
Or: The Beatles and Beatlemania.
Hooray! The ghosts of Yankee Stadium shall be swirling today, above the Hummers and minivans jammed along the freshly graveled site. Look into the clouds over that tailgate BBQ and, who knows, maybe you'll see the face of Andy Robustelli.
Friday, November 19, 2010
In a binding poll launched earlier this week, we asked: what should this blog do on the day John leaves the New York Yankees Radio Network Driven By Jeep? You answered: forget about the Yankees and move on to the next phase of John's life.
It has become a familiar cycle in sports. The N.B.A. star Kobe Bryant (rape allegations), the baseball player Alex Rodriguez (admitted use of steroids) and the N.F.L. linebacker Ray Lewis (charged with murder, later dropped in a plea bargain) are among those who have partly covered the collective memory of their troubles with sustained, stellar athletic performances.
To some degree, Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger is trying to do the same. He faced sexual-assault allegations (charges were not filed) and was suspended at the start of the season for violating the N.F.L.’s personal-conduct policy. And the golfer Tiger Woods, whose web of marital infidelities became public nearly a year ago, has yet to make people move on.
God. Where do we even start? Rape. Homicide. Steroids?
OK, let's ignore the polls showing that most MLB players used or tried steroids in the early 2000s. Let's forget that the NFL somehow doesn't find steroid use amid the 390-pound linemen and 260-pound running backs, who long ago left this planet, and whose bodies collapse at age 40. Rape. Homicide. Steroids?
OK... let's turn a blind eye to baseball's dirty little secrets, such as... hmm, how about domestic violence scandals, from Brett Myers to Roberto Alomar to Kirby Puckett. Or the DWI manslaughters, such as Jim Leyritz's case. His trial was probably in the headlines, staring at the writer as he keyboarded A-Rod's name into the story.
Nope. Rape. Homicide. A-Rod.
If you're a Yankee, you're a target.
Yeesh. And this is The Times! You expect a cheapo from the Murdoch Mush or Daily News, who are digging their feelers into the Derek Jeter negotiations like scarab beetles battling over a lump of bird turd. Nope. Rape. Homicide. A-Rod.
If you're a Yankee, you're fair game.
Let's just hope Cliff Lee wasn't reading.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Today, IT IS HIGH is naming him...
Yankee Opposition Manager of the Year.
Yes, there is nothing more frightening to the average Bomber fan than the thought of heading to post-season against the wily Gardenhire and his Vikingesque Minnesotans. Once Gardenhire reaches into his bag of tricks, anything can happen -- even Jesse Crane!
Here's to the man we hope manages against us next October.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
We salute today's hero: PINSTRIPEZAC30
The rest of you, have you patrolled a Redsock forum today?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The San Luis Obispo Tribune (California)
November 10, 2010 Wednesday
Baseball has more statistics than you can imagine. Here are some that are guaranteed to take the wind out of Dodgers fans’ sails. They have been very useful to this Giants fan since our glorious victory.
World Series appearances:
Giants: 18; and Dodgers: 18.
World Series wins:
Giants: 6; and Dodgers: 6.
They are tied for second place in both categories. The nasty, yucky Yankees are, of course, in first.
I am counting the days until spring training 2011.
Monday, November 15, 2010
It's always great entertainment when Redsock moondorks debate. It's like watching beetles fight. Imagine Glenn Beck arguing with Lyndon Larouche after an hour with the Volcano vaporizer.
Nowhere is the chatter more astral than on the Boston Globe's fan forum "10 Reasons Why I Hate the New York Yankees," which gathers thought-provoking comments straight from the knowledge-laden toad-lickers of Magic Town.
The latest example begins with a cry for justice: The old chestnut that MLB umps favor the Yankees in calls, because Bud Selig fears low TV ratings without a New York team in the World Series. Then it gracefully delves into the 9/11 Truth Movement, which claims the Twin Towers attacks were illegal, because they lacked an authentic U.S. birth certificate. Or something like that. Fluoride in the water supply.
May they always oppose us!