Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Open Letter to Mr. Brian Cashman: Sign Cliff Lee.

Dear Madam or Sir,

It. Is. Simple.

If. We. Sign. Cliff. Lee. We. Will. Win. The. World. Series.

Understand?

Sign Cliff Lee... Win World Series.

No signy Cliff Lee... No winny World Series.

Get it? OK, chant: Sign Cliff Lee! There's no Plan B!

Listen... sir... please... in the name of God... if you've ever listened to anything... listen now:

IF WE SIGN CLIFF LEE, WE WILL WIN THE 2011 WORLD SERIES!

Are you getting this? Are you hearing this?

If we sign Cliff Lee, we, you -- the New York Yankees -- will win the 2011 World Series. That will make us -- you -- World Champions. You will be general manager and architect/builder of the World Champion 2011 New York Yankees. Champions. Kings. Sires. Top dogs. Jeefes.

You. Sir. Will. Have. Done. Your. Job.

SIGN CLIFF LEE!!

What? You want me to beg? You want me to go into italics? OK, look... I'm in italics now! God, it hurts! I'm crimping to the right. Oh, the pain! Can't... type... much.... longer... but... must... continue... to... help... team....

Will... try... to... incorporate... caps...

SIGN CLIFF LEE. SIGN CLIFF LEE. Must... go... on... SIGN CLIFF LEE. Hands... on... fire... SIGN CLIFF LEE... This... is... Yankee... fanhood.... SIGHN CLIFF LEEEEEEE...

4 comments:

Joe De Pastry said...

And trade him for John Lackey?

el duque said...

If we had signed John Lackey last winter, instead of screwing around with Javier Vazquez, WE WOULD HAVE WON THE WORLD SERIES.

Bye Bye Balboni said...

That is the greatest letter ever written.

Willie Miranda said...

Let me get this straight. Do you think we should sign Cliff Lee or not? Don't just keep hinting.