True, the Red Socks scored Gagne before the deadline. We got Wilson Doublemint.
But consider this:
1. Scott Proctor is gone.
2. Kyle Farnsworth is going.
3. We did not trade the next generation for two months of a Texas Ranger cast-off.
4. We still have Tyler "The Yankee" Clipper, Joba "the Hutt" Chamberlain, Ian "the President" Kennedy and Philip "the Franchise" Hughes.
5. We won last night.
WHERE HAVE YOU GONE, EDWAR RAMIREZ,
OUR NATION TURNS ITS LONELY EYES TO YOU.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
True, the Red Socks scored Gagne before the deadline. We got Wilson Doublemint.
According to Baseball-Reference.com, here is how Eric Gagne performs when the entire known universe rides on one pitch: the full-count.
Over his career, he has gone to a 3-2 count with 202 batters. He has thrown 293 pitches.
He walked 88 of them and fanned 77.
They hit a measily .188. One smacked a home run. But their on-base percentage stands at .435.
Monday, July 30, 2007
NEW YORK (Reuters) - A New York man has been charged with beating his mother to death with a barbell after losing his temper while watching a baseball game on television.
Michael Anthony, 25, was watching the New York Mets lose a game on Saturday from his home in the borough of Queens when he began furiously banging on the walls, Queens District Attorney Richard Brown said in a statement on Monday.
His father Fred Fischman shouted at him to stop, but Anthony punched him in the face and threw him to the ground, according to the criminal charges.
When Anthony's mother, Maria Fischman, 61, tried to intervene, prosecutors said he stabbed her once in the head with a knife before chasing her into a bedroom where he struck her several times with the 20 pound (9 kilogram) barbell.
It's nearly August 1, the day when Yankee fans rise before dawn and run downstairs in their jammies to open the gifts from the trading deadline. What will we get?
From Uncle Ranger: A brand new Eric Gagne home entertainment center?
Or a lump of Denny Neagle?
From Aunt KC, an Octavio Dotel 10-speed racing bike?
Or a zip-lock bag full of Ken Phelps?
Jolly old St. George, with helper Brian, is preparing for the big night.
I wonder what lucky fans will find Kyle Farnsworth under their tree!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Seventeen-year-old Jesus Montero, the millionaire future Yankee savior, hit HOME RUN NUMBER TWO for the Gulf Coast team Saturday.
Or as John Sterling someday will say....
It is high... it is holy... IT ART IN HEAVEN.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
From the greatest book ever written, "Mrs. Goose Goes to Washington," now on sale...
Friday, July 27, 2007
Hate to say it, but... according to baseball-reference.com
SCOTT DOESN’T CLIMB UP OUT OF A HOLE. Twelve times this year he has thrown a 3-0 pitch. All 12 times, it was ball four. Lifetime, he's 35 out of 36.
SCOTT FLUBS THE MONEY PITCH: He's faced 15 batters this year with a 3-2 count. Twelve of them walked. Two struck out. One hit a home run. Lifetime, on a full count, one in 10 hits a home run, and twice as many walk as strike out.
IN CLOSE GAMES, SCOTT MELTS: When the game is tied or within one run, opposing batters hit their highest against him (.354), record their highest on-base percentage (.438) against him, and also their highest slugging percentage (.631) against him. He is at his worst.
So why does Joe save him for those moments?
If the judge acts responsibly, Rocket and Andy will finally be certified steroid-free today.
We can't wait for these two all-time Yankee giants to receive their full exoneration... and long-overdue apology.
One of the most enjoyable aspects of fannery is following old-timers after their Pinstriped days have ended. Turns out, Thursday was a big night for some big names of yesteryear.
Matt DeSalvo, in his hotly anticipated return to Scranton (formerly Columbus), gave up 7 runs (6 earned) on 8 hits and 3 walks in 5 2/3 innings.
TJ "Moon" Beam, of the famous 2006 Yankee collapse club, followed the Boston Strangler and gave up 3 runs on 4 hits, with just one walk... all in a mere 1 and 1/3 innings.
Tyler Clippard, remember him from the great Met win of 2007?, now at Double A Trenton where he dominated last year, went three innings, surrendering 3 runs on 4 hits and two walks. TClip left with an injury.
Oh, well, as sidenote: A day after testifying before Congress, Alberto Gonzalez was 1 for 5 with 2 strikeouts at Trenton. He taps phones better than opposing pitchers.
Will Joba Chamberlain wilt?
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
During this brief interlude from the pennant race, a look at some of the great cheers in store:
Hey, hey! Whaddaya say!
Twist its neck the other way!
Hey, hey, sis-boom-bah!
Rid that collie of its paw!
On you Dachshund, on you Dachshund!
Lunge right for that spine,
Tear that spaniel’s neck to shreds,
Rip him a new behind.
On Rottweiler, on Rottweiler!
Bark just like you bite,
Fight, wieners, fight
And you’ll get fed tonight.
Two bits, four bits, six bits, dollar.
All for Atlanta, RIP OFF YOUR COLLAR!
Put ‘em to sleep!
Put ‘em to sleep!
Sic’em. Sic’em! Rip ‘em up!
THEN SEND IN ANOTHER PUP!
Sic’em, sic’em! Rip his gut!
THEN SEND IN ANOTHER MUTT!
That's OK, that's all right!
FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!
Cheer, cheer, our old neutered Dane,
Tearing the skull, exposing the brain,
Send a howling yelp on high,
Bite off a leg, and spit the thigh... poor Fido-
We never holler, we never brag,
We’ll send you home a new doggie bag,
While our rabid hounds are growling
Onward to victory.
We’re Atlanta Falcons!
And no one could be prouder!
And if you ya’ don’t believe us,
WE'LL SERVE YOUR DOG AS CHOWDER!
Bite 'em again!
Bite 'em again!
Knuckle down, dear Spotty, muzzle down!
You can live, dear Spotty, if you put him down.
Rip into his back,
Like a Scooby Snack!
You can live, dear Spotty, if you only knuckle down!
-- Jon Landau, journalist, publicist, butler --
Remember that name. Jahdiel Santawhatevertheitis.
Jah has three home runs and a pitcher-whuppin' .389 batting average, playing for the Yankee Number One team in whatever the hell town where the Number One team plays. Somewhere in the Dominica.
He's a 20-year-old DH (definition: 25-year-old) playing against wiry, oil-faced pre-teens, which means not only is Jah ruling with his mighty bat, but he's probably fragging every loose chick in the bus stop, and teaching the next generation of Luis Polonias the art of self-gratification.
Hats off to Jah, an emerging Yankee clubhouse presence. Swing hard, old-timer.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
It's 24-year-old Trenton shortstop Alberto Gonzalez, one of the crown jewels of the Yankee justice system!
Stolen over the winter in a trade for ectomorphic grinch Randy Johnson, Alberto enjoys firing balls to first and torturing opposing pitchers with unorthodox stances.
After repeated errors at Scranton, Alberto was relocated to Double A Trenton, where he's refusing to answer questions and hitting .383!
Congratulations, "Al!" You're on your way!
Following Monday's Presidential YouTube debate, in which computer lugnuts submitted whimsical-but-earnest questions to candidates, the Yankees today proposed that one of the season's final six games with Boston be played with everyday keyboard clods pitching to both teams, via the Internet.
The Red Sox are expected to reject the plan, viewing it a Yankee attempt to avoid using Scott Proctor and Kyle Farnsworth.
Monday, July 23, 2007
New York 14 0 7 0 -- 21
Tampa Bay 0 3 0 0 -- 3
NY- Matsui 73-yard pass from Duncan (Jeter kick), 6:04 1st
NY- Cano 80-yard pass from Posada (Jeter kick), 14:51 1st
TB- FG Crawford 30-yard, 4:32 2nd
NY- Duncan 99-yard pass from Cairo (Jeter kick), 2:36 3rd
STATISTICS.................... NY....... TB
First Downs...................... 37.......... 9
Rushing yards.................. 236........ 43
Passing yards................... 410..... 214
Offensive Plays................. 266....... 34
Fumbles............................ 0........... 14
Time of Possession....... 2:29:49..... 30:11
MANHATTAN _ Confirming long-held rumors, the New York Yankees news media Sunday announced the arrival of high-priced former Brittish star Victoria Beckham, boosting a Page Six lineup that had slumped this summer.
Sadly, the acquisition means that impossibly pregnant 1990's TV stickfigure Nicole Richie will be designated for assigment, according to Yankees spokesman Arthur Rubenstein.
Unless signed by another country's paparazzi, Richie must report to Scranton within five days.
"This is a big shot in the arm," Yankee manager Joe Torre told reporters, after the deal was announced. "Any time you can add an 'Old Spice' Girl to the line-up, you expect to score."
Despite a career year by Lindsay Lohan, Page Six has been mired in the second division, mostly due to the jailing of bullpen ace Paris Hilton and the astonishingly diminished attractiveness of Venezuelan right-fielder Britney Spears.
Scouts say Richie simply lost too much weight to adequately fill paparazzi camera lenses.
"She just wasn't eating," Torre said, of Nicole. "We're hoping she gets some kielbasa down in Wilkes Barre and comes back with boobs in September. She just needs to hone her strike zone."
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
The latest from Cal Thomas, public pundit, secret Yankee columnist.
ON LAST NIGHT'S 14-4 LOSS TO TAMPA BAY: "This was not a demonstration of the strength needed to strike fear in the hearts of those who can tough it out in caves while plotting new ways to destroy us."
ON REPORTERS' CRITICISM OF JOE TORRE: "They embrace defeat, unwilling to wait for the 'new strategy' they had demanded to work."
ON CALLS FOR TRADING A-ROD FOR PROSPECTS AND PULLING OUT OF THE 2007 PENNANT RACE: "There will be plenty of time for debate in September... Has our politics become so cynical that some would prefer defeat for political advantage than victory because it might aid the "other side." If so, God help us."
Friday, July 20, 2007
Our man of the hour, Edwar Ramirez, gave credibility to his past tonight. He has not thrown a strike in anger since his opening 3K debut. He did groove one for Dioner no power, the Tampa catcher, who promptly planted a grand slam in the seats. The first of his life.
The coaching staff, beginning with Mr. Torre, must have forgotten about this young man on more levels than one since his early July debut, for it is clear that he has not eaten in the 3 weeks he has been a Yankee. He was blown toward first base as he brought up his leg in preparation for delivering a ball ( and the ball ) to the plate. Even the reference to an eating surface is distracting to him. I think he threw 27 straight balls.
I have sent him a Greyhound ticket ( only 32 stops ) to Nogales where, on every Tuesday morning, a bus wil leave for the southern desert town of Slingalos, Mexico. The prarie league there remains independent and is open to all those of great heart. Tacos are good and a string band plays at Sunday games. The fan base is sparse, particularly at bean picking time, but they love baseball and regard anyone from the major leagues as a local hero.
Keep up your spirits, Edwar. You made the big time.
Adios and carumba.
Yankee fan/presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani has vowed to NEVER use the power of the Oval Office to win his favorite ballclub a championship.
Not if he wants to be elected.
Our "open society" still harbors too many Yankee haters -- aka "pennant racists."
But if Rudy wins a White House ring, we fans can expect some wonderful surprises, like this one in today's NY Daily News:
That $25 million is chicken feed, considering the city's $59 billion budget. But give the First Fan a $3 trillion federal purse, then do the math:
City taxpayers subsidized the salaries of nearly a dozen top Yankees execs between 2001 and 2005 and paid hundreds of thousands of dollars for lobbyists for the new $1.3 billion Yankee stadium, a new report charges.
Team management even charged the city for the cost of hotel rooms for owner George Steinbrenner and his daughter Jennifer Swindall and for a percentage of the salaries of Steinbrenner's two sons, team executives Hank and Hal Steinbrenner.
The civic watchdog group Good Jobs New York says the money came from a $5 million annual "New Stadium" planning fund.
The fund - $25 million over five years - was approved by former Mayor Rudy Giuliani in his final days in office.
We can spend $12.7 billion.
Put it toward middle relief, a designated hitter and a back-up catcher who can hit better than .125, then watch the rings pile up on our fingers.
The Red Sox know this.
They're so scared of our Rudyville Slugger that they're fielding their own leather--and they even call him "Mitt."
Rudy For President/First Fan
The Power of the Chief
The Pride of the Pinstripes
As skittish advertisers began to pull their billboards from the stadium and calls for his resignation reverberated, embattled manager Joe Torre yesterday continued a campaign of contrition over racially insensitive treatment of former Yankee Gary Sheffield, even while insisting that he shouldn't lose his job.
"I don't deserve to be fired," Torre, 67, told reporters after yesterday's loss to Toronto. "So I should be punished, and I'm being punished, and not insignificantly, by the way. I'm not whining, because I don't feel as bad as Sheff feels."
"I'm not a bad person," he added, his voice breaking with emotion. "I'm a good person, but I did some bad things."
Torre has gone past the edges of propriety before. When the Yankees let starter Andy Pettitte defect to the Houston Astros after the 2003 season, Torre referred to the "Jewish management" of the team as "money-grubbing bastards" according to Yankeeography, an investigative series on the YES Network.
Praising Kyle Farnsworth two days ago in a column he wrote for this space, Torre went out of his way to point out that the struggling reliever is white, adding, "That's huge for us."
Still, nothing has approached the storm that now swirls about him. Analysts say Torre picked the wrong victim at the wrong time when he aimed his barbs at the blameless and generally well-liked Sheffield.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
DONNIE BASEBALL: Can, It's a sad day when Jason Giambi gets probed about steroids, but nobody out there is probing Curt "Ketchup" Schilling about what he knows. Here's a guy who paints his socks during the post-season, who rants all night on his blog, who's bigger than a boat, and who told Congress he never saw evidence of steroids in his entire baseball career. Who is he kdding? Why aren't they calling him in? All they have to do is wave a cheeseburger! He'll come running. Lord knows, he's got the Heinz!CAN: Donnie, I'd disagree, but I can't. You're right. Once again, you're freakin' absolutely right.
They just lost two of three to the KC Royals at Fenway.
Their lead, once at 14-and-a-half, is now seven games.
Six in the loss column.
Their fans are booing J.D. Drew.
He has a tweaked hammy.
"If we don't continue to play well, they're going to catch us." -- Coco Crisp
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
On the surface, conservative columnist Cal Thomas seems to write about American politics.
In fact, this syndicated Christian giant for years has written coded columns, including secret messages for the Yankees and their Yankee fans.
This week, Cal is not happy.
From his latest:
ON AROD: "Not all sins are exposed in this life, but the higher the profile, the more likely exposure will occur, especially if it involves our national preoccupation with sex."
ON CARL PAVANO: "Once we repented... Today, we issue press releases, consult advisers, take medication or check into rehab."
ON KYLE FARNSWORTH: "The first reaction one should have is not laughter, but sadness, sadness for him, his wife and their... children."
Q. Kyle, a reader from Syracuse asks--
A. Have you ever pitched out there before? If you think you can do any better, then I'll give you my cleats, my glove and my uniform, and see what you can do. All right? Any more questions? Are we done?
Q. Do you still have confidence in Kyle Farnsworth?
A. Farnsie's still our eighth-inning guy. No question, he’s very important for us. I favor experience. I'm more comfortable with experienced players. He has the most experience doing what he does for the eighth and the ninth; he was a closer, too. I'd have to see something really bad from him where he was very inconsistent, and I haven't seen that. Plus, he's white. That's huge for us.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
"Ode to the 'Pen"
Farnsworth, Myers, Proctor: O, doctor.
How low can our spirits go?
We’re leading by nine in the last of the sixth.
And we’ll probably have to use Mo.
Somebody pass me the Draino.
Our nine-run lead is now down to two.
And, O, God! Here comes Vizcaino.
April 12: Bullpen hurting. Pitched Proctor two innings. Solid.
April 13: Worried about Proctor. Says shoulder hurts. Pitched Proctor one inning. Solid.
April 14: Proctor unable to lift arm. Pitched Proctor two innings. Three runs.
April 15: Proctor unable to stand. Pitched Proctor one inning. Four runs.
April 16: Pitched Farnworth. Four runs. Pitched Vizciano. Three runs. Pitched Proctor. Two runs.
April 17: Gotta rest Farnsworth. Not sure what to do. Pitched Proctor. Two runs.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Jesus Montero, that is.
He's the 16-year-old tree-trunk we bought last summer in the annual Latin America Third-World Exploitation Auction. We paid $1.2 million, no doubt after caliper-sizing each billiard, analysis of DNA and retrieval of a semi-clean stool sample from the centrifuge.
Naturally, Jesus soon got hurt. Rumor is he tried to lift his money.
Yesterday, he played his first game for the Rookie League Gulf Coast League Yankees.
First time up, BANG. Home run to center field.
Next three times, two Ks and a ground out.
It's time to begin pondering John Sterling's future calls.
When Bernie Williams hit one, he'd shout: "Bernie goes boom!"
Alex Rodriguez: "An A-Bomb from A-Rod!"
Hideki Matsui: "An upper-decky from Hideki!"
Jesus Montero... any ideas?
We are so quick to laugh and belittle players when they hold out or complain about contracts. Especially when they say "this isn't about money, this is about respect".Sheff went 7 for 15 in Seattle this weekend. He hit a grand slam. He walked four times. He stole four bases in four attempts. He stole home.
Until you have been a Negro, belittled by Joe Torre in front of the mostly white Yankees, you will never understand how true it is.
He performed these dazzling feats for a postseason rival whose manager talks to him like a man.
Ron Villone's baseball pants, worn during his formative days with the 2002 Pittsburgh Pirates, sold for $28.99 Sunday night on eBay.
Congratulations, Ron. That's two cases of Old Milwaukee!
What's next? Old jockstrap for pack of Winstons?