ESPN laments: If ONLY the Yankees never existed...

Some pimpled, med-school dropout at ESPN has put the mandated spin on Hank Steinbrenner's big-brained intellectualizing about socialism the other day.

Says Patrick Hruby, arguing that the Yankees are the real socialists.

The New York Yankees play in new Yankee Stadium, a building whose $1.5 billion price tag largely was covered by $1.2 billion in tax-exempt bonds. New York City's Independent Budget Office estimated that building the stadium cost taxpayers $362 million and that public financing will save the Yankees $787 million over 40 years. A New York State assemblyman argues that the stadium actually will cost taxpayers $4 billion over the same time, because the Yankees will not pay property tax on the building.

Hruby, don't take your love to town.

The Yankees are not the only pro team liplocked onto the public teat. What they are though, is the one team that spends every fucking cent trying to win every fucking year. It's a fool's game, because sometimes everything falls apart, and we're laughingstocks. We'd do better playing the Pittsburgh Pirates' strategy -- sit back and bank the checks. But no, we try each year. And yes, we fight the salary cap.

Listen: It's subversive to be a Yankee fan. We're the franchise that ruins it for the other billionaires. If this were the NFL, the Yankees would have kicked out long ago.

If not for us... harumph!... why... if only the Yankees never existed in MLB....

1. There'd be no team that every veteran player would bank on to pay market value. The owners wouldn't have to worry about the Yankees buying the pennant.

2. Scott Boras would be an accountant in Tulsa. No owner would ever worry about Boras holding his team for ransom, merely a hometown favorite -- facing the most important contract negotiations of his life -- wanted to be paid top dollar.

3. There would absolute parity, like in the NFL, where every team is in the race until the last game, and nobody stands out.

4. There'd be no one big bad team that everybody hates. Why, the Seattle Mariners could have a barnburner of a rivalry with the Kansas City Royals!

5. There'd be no dynasties. Hell, after every World Series, salary caps would kick in, forcing the champions to be eaten alive, like the big-boobed babe in "Piranha 3-D."

6. Everybody could hate the Mets, simply because of the New York thing.

7. The Redsocks would be MLB's top team. (Hey, did I mention this was written by ESPN? What a coincidence!)