Suzyn Waldman... the Hollywood makeover

You're sitting in your trailer in Topeka or Binghamton, listening to the parakeet and waiting for the mail, dreaming of topless truckstops. You can't dispell the sense that something's missing in your life.

We of the Yankisphere fill most of your needs. But we could not provide the glamor you've craved... until now.


Witness the AMAZING TRANSFORMATION being offered to you, your mom, Rudy Giuliani, everyone! And the person graciously showing us the way is noneother than the First Lady Voice of the New York Yankees, our own Suzyn Waldman.

You know her as the spunky Scoreboard Updater and in-game Mistress of Commercials. In regular life, she's pleasant-looking, in a plain-Jane, elementary-school-librarian-with-a-dark-secret style.

But with a little help from Hollywood, she'd turn heads in the Clubhouse Report.

She can ditch John, shack up with a pop singer and coast for the next 10 years, dining in restaurants for PBS shows as...

GWYNETH WALDMAN

Suzyn can grace the covers of supermarket tabloids, trade punches with her ex and star in mindless comedies that are written around her in tight skirts...

SUZYN ANNISTON

She can serve as the Main Cleavage-Bringer on a realtiy TV show and bark hurtful things at John, as...

SUZYN GOSLIN

Suzyn can marry a sitcom star, then appear in skintight body suits without ever speaking a line as

REBECCA ROMIJIN WALDMAN

Yes, old chum... you can have it all. That's because you're linked to the Yankisphere!