See that sunset? That's the Yankee dynasty of 2009.
The Redsocks have signed John Lackey for $16 million a year.
We sat back, let the best free agent pitcher go to Boston, and nobody -- not the Spinks Award winner, not the Times, not nobody! -- called out the Yankees for their astonishly corrupt plans to "cut payroll."
Cut payroll? They charge $500 a frickin nosebleed! They make money like Tara Reid has lipo. The whole financing of the new stadium was a Tijuana donkey show of Bernie Madoff deals -- and the only good thing about it was that we were going to have money to buy players.
WTF!! We are the richest team in baseball! Where do we call in sick on an auction? Why did our sports media allow Hal and Hank to plead poverty, without reminding them that they print money? Because that's what Dan Shaughnessy did last week in Boston: When Theo rattled the cup, Shaughnessy filled it with bongwater and poured it down his throat.
Not our skip-to-my-loo media, though. They're too busy writing acceptance speeches and trowelling the Steinbrenner family's pr slush. We're about to play Third World country in negoiations with Johnny Damon and Hideki Matsui... after we traded our bullpen for a fourth centerfielder. (Yes, Virginia, Jamie Hoffmann can play CF!) Next year, we're going to have a rope bridge to Mariano... but look at a four-man rotation in center. (Five, if you count Nick!)
Think about this and weep:
Lackey. Beckett. Lester. Dice K. Buckholtz.
Game. Set. Match.
Let it be remembered that on December 14, the Yankees pleaded poverty. Asign them a lawyer, your Honor. Our clients have no money to spare. Bring canned food.
Sunset. Lights out. Lackeys... ohhh, we sure have our share of them.
You're sounding scarily like Alphonso.
ReplyDeleteWe couldn't give Lackey $16 mil a year for a few years? This is pathetic. I am mad at Cashman.
ReplyDeleteI think we might be all right with CC, AJ, Andy, Hughes and Question Mark.
ReplyDeleteIt's the cheapness of this Yankee administration that bothers me.
ReplyDeleteI was going to send them all $39.95 gifts -- to Cash, Hal, Hank, Lonnie and Randy -- and now this. They're cheap. Forget it.
I hear ya, Duque. But one more thing: we might be laughing in our Utica club next July when the Red Sox are paying for Lackey's VIP suite at the elbow hospital.
ReplyDeleteBreaking: Yanks lose Kate Hudson.
ReplyDeleteOMG the world is collapsing around me! If the Yankees couldn't sign Lackey and A-Rod couldn't keep Kate, what can I believe in?
ReplyDeleteEl Duque will get over it, I think. He's crushed because the deal ruins his followup to "Sign Teixeira, win 2009 World Series" mantra of the 2008 off-season.
ReplyDeleteIt may be best for all involved. Consider the ego implications if the Yankees had signed Lackey and then won the 2010 World Series. El Duque, as wonderful a blogger and human being as he is, may have become unsufferable, with a cult of Duquists forming around him.
There's always Jon Garland.
Lackey is not worth $16 m.
ReplyDeleteYou're right; he's worth more.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's all those unsold seats inside the moat that caused the Yankees to get outbid for Lackey.
ReplyDeleteYankee brass is trying to tell their high-end customers -- pony up or you won't get your World Series.
Cheer up, all. The drought may only be one year long. Cliff Lee will be happy to accept $160 million of Yankee money for a seven-year deal starting in 2011.