Marlins sign future Yankee Josh Johnson to four-year extension

The famed "Feisty Fish" of Florida have signed future Yankee Josh Johnson to a four-year extension, adding at least one year to his prison sentence with the Guantanamo Bay of baseball franchises. Says ESPN:

The deal will pay Johnson $3.75 million this season, $7.75 million in 2011 and $13.75 million in each of the 2012 and 2013 seasons.

"I'm excited,'' Johnson said. "It sets up me and my family for life. One of the best parts is knowing where I'm going to be the next four years. I won't have to hear about any trade rumors or anything like that. I'm happy to be in South Florida.''

Fuck you, Josh. (That's my locker room banter.) Everybody knows that if cheapskate Miami falls five games out in June, or if you pull a gonad in a nightclub, they'll be slobbering like Lindsay Lohan's dad to peddle your expensive ass. You really think they'll ever pay you a dime of that $13.75 million? They sure don't.

What does this mean to B-Cash? It means Johnson won't come cheap this year. If he pitches well, same in 2011. After that, it's salary dumpster-diving. Remember: This is the Marlins. They'll clean house even after winning a World Series. If he's Roy Halladay, he'll still be costly at $13.7 (That's Bud Selig level money). If he's Kevin Brown, he's ours for a bucket of fried chicken. (But personally, I never want another Kevin Brown.)

What's crazy is that one line: "I won't have to hear about any trade rumors."

Obviously, he has a great sense of humor.