A-Rod Doinking a Deb?

So says the Miami Herald's "Scene in the Tropics" blog (a pun there for you readers who love wordsmithmanshippery), (via the ubiquitous Zell.) She's 25, old Key West, U-of Floriduh, a real estate dotted-line hottie since '07 -- (think plunging necklines and plunging subprimes) -- and as the gated community name Elaine Spottswood implies, comes pre-loaded with daddy's money, hair extensions and a pair of shoes to match every one of Bartholomew Cubbins' 500 hats.

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Worst case scenario: A young Kathrine Harris.

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(Remember KH? Gorgon? Elected George W. Bush? Rewarded with Congessional seat? Ran for U.S. Senate? Look at this picture, add 25 years of tea party protests, yachting excursions and a toxic waste dump full of makeup -- and there she is, Miss Amerika 2030...) But I digress.

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This is sad news to fans who wanted Kate Hudson to become the Yankees' Princess Grace of Monaco. It was fun seeing Kurt and Goldie, Mr. & Mrs. Dorian Gray, with their daughter next to the dugout. At $1,500 a clip, fans need celebs to oogle. And let's face it: Kate was positive Yankee juju. We won a World Series with her. The oldtimers know, you don't change underwear in a hitting streak.

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But let's continue to face it. We don't know Elaine Spottswood. Hell, we still don't know A-Rod. And after Tiger Woods, what do we know about anybody, when it comes to erections and injections? Every day, we wait for that inevitable TMZ Normandy Beach assault on Jeter, last unsoiled superstar standing. Even if Jeet stays single and clean, they'll get him for something. Tax evasion. Littering. Seat belts. It's just a matter of time.

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What's scary are the claims that ARod still pines for Madonna. From her trendy adoptions, her slash-and-burn marriages, her meglomania, her forearms... we do know this lady, and she's battier than a shithouse rat. To Arod, she has E-5 written all over her. Worse, she means round-the-clock Princess Diane death coverage of the Yankees. We survived last year, at least after the all-star break, without distractions.

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Why do I think 2010 will be our year of Tila Tequila?