Kitty up for Emmy

Jim Kaat has been nominated for Outstanding Sports Personality in the Sports Event Analyst category -- against (pictured left to right) Phil Simms (CBS), Tim McCarver (FOX), Cris Collinsworth (NBC), Jon Gruden (ESPN) and Jeff Van Gundy (ABC).

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I know what you're asking: Where the hell is John?

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Well, it's TEEVEE, not radio. TEEVEE. If they gave Emmys for radio, John would win an Oscar.

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Of course, this doesn't explain the missing Dick Button. And let's face it: These Bozos are only holding the statue until possum-skinner Tony Kubek returns naked from the wilderness to reclaim his rightful throne.

BUT HEAR ME, YOU EMMYLOU HARRIS COMMITTEE MEMBERS -- AND HEAR ME WELL...

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If Tim McCarver wins... well... I'm not saying anything publicly, because I don't want the FBI Swat loonies knocking down my door with their hydraulic, 500-pound artificial penis. But let's just say, wink-wink, that Alphonso might have to "send the judges a little message," so to speak, if you catch my drift and read between the lines, eathday otay udgejays ownay...