Thursday, January 20, 2011

And the bubonic plague enters the Yankee locker room....

Thought to have been eliminated forever after the dark ages, the bubonic plague will return this spring to Yankeedom.

Andrew Jones is our latest designated hitter and pretend right fielder . Really?

I missed this.

But I have stopped reading all papers and watching all tv unless it is a live Yankee game or Giants' ( football ) meltdown.

So I get my news from the objective and far reaching newsroom of IIH, IIF, IIc. Or, in a bar.

The Yankees signed this bum?

When he could play, he killed us and laughed at us. Now that he is far less useful than Marcus Thames, he is still laughing at us. And he will kill the Yankee locker room. He will destroy any sense of pride, heart and hope.

The minute he appears in a Yankee uniform, Yankee fans will gag. And his teammates will start shaking with fever and blurry vision. It won't end until he is dumped.

How stupid can Brian Cashman be? Maybe he will rappell without ropes. That is what he is doing with this signing. Only the team and the fans are at the top of the building looking at the abyss.

First, Brian signs Carl Pavano. And pays him to drive hussies around in his corvette for 4 years in Florida. Then, when he finally is healthy, he dumps him for no compensation. Let him nearly win 20 games for some shlubb team.

Now he wrestles with the idea of re-signing him ( but we wouldn't sign John Lackey ), but gives that up on moral principles.

Instead, we ink Andrew Jones. Slow, old and sick. It makes me sick to look at him.

If you want to guarantee a loss on any given day, just put Andrew in right field.

Last place for the 2011 Yankees.


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4 comments:

  1. Joe De PastryJanuary 20, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    Ranting is fun; reading your rants is also fun.
    But Jones is a month younger than Marcus Thames, his OBP and SLG were almost identical to Thames' last year, and nobody has ever looked worse in the outfield than Thames does.
    We're gonna party likes it's 1965, but it won't be Andruw's fault.

    ReplyDelete
  2. el duqueJanuary 20, 2011 at 4:41 PM

    Last place?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dr. Hugo Z. HackenbushJanuary 20, 2011 at 11:13 PM

    what effect will the plague have on a.j's tattoos? will it cause scarring?

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousJanuary 20, 2011 at 11:19 PM

    @Joe: That's a damned lie. Damon, for instance...

    Also Alph, I salute you for breaking out the all-to-seldom-used word "hussie". Thanks for re-expanding the lexicon.

    ReplyDelete

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