1. Dustin Pedroia never bothered to remember Josh Reddick’s name, referring to the young outfielder all season as "Mookie." 2. When stoned and drunk, Jon Lester and Eric Bedard often stopped up the shower drains with girlie magazines and then played "water soccer" with Ted Williams’ cryogenically frozen head.
3. Terry Francona, zonked on pills, ran screaming from one team strategy session, claiming Theo Epstein was "Satan."
4. Kevin Youkilis gave the whole team ringworm.
5. Tim Wakefield and Jason Varitek switched uniforms and played each other’s position for three games, without anyone suspecting.
6. To reward the team following a grueling schedule, owner John Henry bought each player a pair of fancy headphones, which later turned out to be from the Dollar Store.
7. Marco Scutero was twice rushed to the emergency room suffering from an erection that lasted four hours.
8. Until late May, Carl Crawford believed he had signed with the Newark Bears.
9. In June, Jonathan Papelbon began a strict regimen of estrogen injections toward the ultimate goal of becoming Mrs. John Lackey.
10. In late September, pranksters Alfredo Aceves and Adrian Gonzalez left a bag of flaming poo in the press box seat reserved for the dean of New England sportswriters Peter Gammons, who sat down anyway and was later heard to remark, "Damn, I shouldn’a had that second bowl of chowdah."
Hilarious, and quite possibly accurate.
ReplyDelete