His name is Yoenis Cespades. He recently escaped the totalitarian hell/cigar heaven of Cuba and found refuge in the steroid capital of humanity: The Dominican Republica. He claims to be 26. (That means he's under 30, mint!)
He plays outfield. He led Cuba's Beer and Dirt Floor Hospital League last year with 33 HRs. He also batted over .300. The MLB echo chamber calls him the best position player to come out of Cuba in an entire generation! which puts him somewhere between Juan Miranda and Kendrys Morales. Hell, who knows if he's any good. But with a name like Smuckers...
That's right. Think of that name. Yo-Anus Sez-PAH-des. That's a baseball name. Sign him. The Yankees haven't had a truly lyrical name since we traded Melky Cabrera (and we paid the price on the deal, didn't we?) "Now batting, the right fielder: Yo ANUS Sez PAH des."
The ladies of Triple A are taking Spanish lessons today.
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