Only God has enough money to buy the Yankees

After hearing the Dodgers went for $2 billion, Randy Levine probably decided to redo the kitchen in his third summer home's second boathouse. Gold fixtures. Hot and cold running wine. He can hire servants to act as lamps, like those dino-gadgets on The Flintstones. Yeesh, the Dodgers don't even come with the surrounding parking lots, still owned by Hubby McCourt, so he can watch the muggings.

If the Dodgers go for $2 B, the Yankees are worth - what - the states of Alaska and Kentucky? To put in a bid, God would first have to sell the planet Mars. To imagine the cash it would take, you must ponder a list of pure, 100-proof evil: Trump, Koch, Putin, House of Saud, bin Laden Group,  Ryan Seacrest...

OK, let's backtrack. Money, it's a gas. Some will win. Some will lose. Some are meant to sing the blues. Poor man wanna be rich. Rich man wanna be king. Ruby takes her love to town, and it's just a sprinkling of the Mayqueen. That's life. But how about this future rule of Yankee discourse:

NO MORE EFFING POORMOUTHING BY THE EFFING OWNERSHIP.

On Monday, you can't openly muse how much the team is worth - not even counting the YES Network - and on Tuesday, whine how the payroll needs a weed-whacking. The Yankiverse must never let them get away with this. When the Steinbrothers poormouth, they should be condemned for what they are:

Multi-billionaires who pretend to be mere millionaires, so we will feel sorry for them.

You know, I've heard Trump poormouth. The Koch boys do it all the time. Same with Putin and the Arabs. But I have never heard Ryan Seacrest poormouth.