National cannibal epidemic threatens humankind; this may be last IT IS HIGH post

Testingonetwothree. Can anybody hear me? I'm broadcasting on this low-band frequency. Flesh-eating zombies are everywhere. They've eaten the entire city of Syracuse - not too rich, and high in fiber - and now they're heading down the Thruway, looking for Utica greens. For the last hour, they've been beating on my front door, shouting "Trick or treat," demanding that I throw out a morsel of face that they can snack on. It's so depressing, there's nothing to - wait! I know: I'll crush up these bath salts, light them over a spoon and snort them, see what happens!

Calgon Beauty Bath, take me awayyyyy!