It's not Shark Week. It's Ark Week.
Listen: Forget the drought, the floods, the wildfires, the death of that Beastie Boy and even the demonic-seeded pregnancy of Jennifer Aniston. For my money, the first omen appeared in the human guise of Corey Wade. For months, he was Corey Koufax. Then, bang, Colter Bean. It wa like watching Jerry Lewis devolve from Buddy Love in The Nutty Professor. Corey is now roaming the NYS Thruway for a Sbarro's that serves liquor, hoping to forget his last outing for the "Scranton" Pavement Floaters: He surrendered a three-run homer. His exile to Triple A has become a microcosm of our entire season: Lights out, bang, Colter Bean.
Now it's Joba. Disney Channel story of the year. Returns after Tommy John and the Kidz Zone. Last night he dinged Youkilis - (great nostalgia moment, btw! Youk's 16th career HBP against the Yankees; if he stays healthy, he can take 20!). Whenever Joba appears, it's that Mothman movie: Something bad happens. Joe cannot pitch him without a 10-run cushion. Joba comes in with a cloud over his head. With his contract running out, we must now ponder the end of Joba as a Yankee: His great days came early. After that, he was not Joba. He was Brian Bruney.
Epply, Rapata, even David Robertson - who do we have in the bullpen that can stop the rising sea? Soriano?
Four-game lead. That's a series. That's a week. That's half of Freddy Garcia's remaining starts.
We thought it couldn't happen. We thought Brett Gardner would return. We thought Pineda would heal. We thought we could simply hit home runs and bludgeon our way to a division title, then take our chances in the post-season. We have 19 games left with the Rays, Orioles and - yes - the zombie Redsocks, who have nothing left to live for other than hurting us in a big series.
We face Boston on the three games of our season.
Do we want them ruling our fate at the End of Times? Double bubble toil and trouble. WTF was THAT? Did you hear a shrieking sound off in the distance? Colter Bean has risen from the grave...
Joba will stay for the rest of the year in case we and the White Sox both make it to the playoffs. Somebody has to hit Youk.
ReplyDeleteIf Jeter's superhuman effort this year goes to waste, I think he locks Cashman in one of the 5,347 rooms of his mansion and throws away the key. Nobody will find him in there. Jete has to put tracking devices on his girls just in case they wander off. Cashman? The prisoner of Zenda.