TAMPA _ Day 20 of the pinstripe papal conclave dawned under stormy skies
Wednesday as Yankee leaders gathered inside the famous Steinbrenner Boatworks/Inheritance Tax Money Laundering complex to
select the team's leftfielder in a fresh round of tryouts.
The
lack of consensus on Tuesday was revealed by a plume of black smoke billowed from the head of the team's general manager. The smoke was believed to represent the charred remains of Scott Proctor's glove and jersey, which had been archived by Yankee bullpen catchers from Opus Torre, a secret knighthood of the Evil Empire.
On
Tuesday,
the Yankees welcomed a new scrap heap player as candidate for the left
field vacancy. Ben Francisco arrived at the crematorium, and was
immediately hailed as a leading alternative, based on the fact that he
might hit .240, hasn't been charged with steroid abuse and - most importantly - will not cost a lot of money.
The
black smoke is likely to continue for at least two more weeks, as the
Yankees await the powers in baseball - the Cardinals, Giants, Dodgers, in fact every team except the Padres - to make their final cuts. The Yankees hope
to then swoop in and sign the magical leftfielder who might hit as much as .250 and
- most importantly - cost next to nothing.
When that special
moment occurs, white smoke will billow over Tampa. It will come from the
burning of Alex Rodriguez's contract, in effigy. Across the world,
Yankee fans await that golden moment.
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