Well, it's not yet in the books, but why wait? Everybody knows Alex Rodriguez is guilty. Just look at him! Must we go through the motions of a legal case? Come on, dammit, we're wasting time. Until the Matlocks of MLB get the goods on A-Rod, Hal and Hank must keep paying him. Can't we fast-forward to the final scene, where the planes topple him from the top of the Empire State Building? Put him down, now!
That's not satire, by the way. It's today's line at New Jersey.com: "Enough with the pretending that he’s working his way back in Tampa... How about making sure he never wears No. 13 in pinstripes again, to making it a priority to finally rid this franchise of the distraction and sideshow that A-Rod had become long before the latest news."
And then there's Lupica, bless his heart, who at least adds a few qualifiers: "If he ever recovers from his latest hip surgery, he would become the kind of novelty act in Taiwan that Manny Ramirez has become. No wonder all these big guys from the Yankees have suddenly been liberated to talk about how “disappointed” they are in him."
Insert sigh here.
Listen: It's lonely, defending A-Rod. In terms of sympathy, he falls somewhere between Oscar Pistorius and Lindsay Lohan. He'll never never be the player he once was. He'll never be a Yankee manager or a Fox Sports pundit. But a couple things here - in my idiotic mind - should be added to every A-Rod narrative - along with the words "if" and "would" and of course, the granddaddy word of all A-Rod journalism: "alleged."
2. Enough with the Manny Ramirez comparisons! He's never dogged it for the Yankees. I've never seen A-Rod jog out a grounder. Nobody's ever accused him of phoning in a performance. If Brett Gardner slaps the ball from Bronson Arroyo's hand next week, he'll be a gritty player who does everything he can to win. But when Arod did it, he was a thug and a cheat. No, he certainly hasn't always gotten the big hit, but he has always played hard. Lesser players at least get paid that tribute. Not A-Rod.
3. If he were hitting, still contributing, would the judgements still be so harsh? Sorry, but I don't buy it. The Yankees won a World Championship in 2009 behind A-Rod. They stood 100 percent behind him then. Now, he's older, he's feeble, and he's on the sidelines, and they're willing to throw him overboard. I do not believe you can legitimately boo a guy - or run him out of town - for getting old. If they don't want him, release him. They won't. They'd rather crucify him.
4. Frankly, I don't see where Arod has dodged the media. Last October, after the debacle, he took every bullet - right in the face. In fact, he appeared with a gob of soap hanging from his chin, and he never once blamed Girardi for throwing him overboard - (which Girardi did, by the way.) Some reporters get mad when he doesn't grant interviews - and then madder when he does. Whatever he says, they start shooting. He will never satisfy them.
5. This will all play out. If A-rod was naive enough to think he could take PEDs and get away with it - after the carpet bombing of 2009 - well, he's far dumber than we think. But consider this. He is probably a billionaire. He has access to the cutting edge of medicine, and he wants to use it to every possible advantage. As his body is breaking down with age, he spends his money on treatments and applications that other players cannot access. Did he go over the line? Is that line crystal clear? These are difficult questions - complicated questions. This isn't a bang-bang play at first base. This is a guy's life, his reputation, his legacy, his place in history. He won't be able to buy it back. Innocent until proven guilty? What a joke. Not with A-rod.
Writeth the normally unhoodwinkable El Duque: "He's never dogged it for the Yankees."
ReplyDeleteWould you say that his head was 100% in the game last fall when he passed that autographed baseball up to those two hotties, looking to score a little strange in the late innings?
El Duque further scrawls: "Did he go over the line? Is that line crystal clear?"
And so I answer:
1) Time will tell.
2) Yes.
Oh, horsefeathers. Poppycock. Alex was benched when he supposedly passed a ball up to the babes in the stands. Fer Christ's sake. Was Babe Ruth's head in the game when he was flagging down the hot dog vendor from the dugout? Or the beer vendor? Was the Mick's and Whitey's heads in the game when they were birddogging panty shots in the stands--from the fucking field, mind you.
ReplyDeleteThis is all so much sanctimonious bullshit. Mick and the boys popped bennies like they were candy and got shots from Doctor Robert (causing Mick to develop that terrible infection that knocked him out of the '61 home run race with Roger). But Alex or Braun or Cervelli get crucified--and you can just look at these guys and see that whatever they might have done, they didn't look like McGwire and Bonds and Sosa. If there was any drug use, it was pretty restrained or used to try and recover from injury, like with Andy.
The line has never been crystal clear. Ever. And the owners walk away clean once again after winking at the worst of it for years.
I am so pissed off at this crap.
And Alex has NEVER dogged it for the Yankees. You have to be on the field, involved in a play, to dog it. Fuck this witch hunt and the Selig-droids conducting it, the lazy writers who condone it, and the fans who buy into this shit like it was some kind of holy war against 'cheaters'.
Jesus, would Kafka get a bang out of this.
But let me tell you how I really feel...
ReplyDeleteRight on, John M.
ReplyDeleteAnd while we're blaming people, can we please remember Congress? The anti-trust exemption places MLB under its farcical jurisdiction. Which gave the hacks on the Hill a chance to slap the table and shriek in defense of "the children" on television. Selig was thus moved to forget about home runs and turn against his players.
Where can I get some of these drugs that A-Rod supposedly used to stay youthful, strong and fast?
ReplyDeleteI have many baseballs to pass out if I can only look younger.
I'll skip the tan, though. I think those rays from the sun are harmful.
Bad day to tune into the game late. 6-0.
ReplyDeleteWell, maybe we can score another 30 or 40 to make my afternoon worthwhile.
Man, I agree with John M and Mustang. I told Alex. Try that blotter acid, boy. That baseball will look like the fuckin' planet Jupiter and you'll knock that celestial body clean out of orbit and into the left field seats. Forget about them roids. Pass the LSD, baby. Tune in, turn on, score runs.
ReplyDeleteJohn M, you just became my favorite commenter on this site.
ReplyDelete