Rejoice, Yankee fans! Our prayers have been answered. We have acquired the next Jeter. No---we've acquired an even better player than Jeter. A player whose future is so bright that we'll do what Jeter's Yankees couldn't and win the World Series four, maybe even seven straight times.
Who needs a young pitcher like Shane Greene, anyway? Our pitching staff is overcrowded with talent. We've got a legitimate ace in C.C. Sabathia---who will no doubt win a second Cy Young award in 2015---as well as Japan's prized jewel, Masahiro Tanaka---whose decision to forgo Tommy John Surgery will prove to have been a wise move given that he will undoubtedly adjust to the major league pitcher's workload after half a season's experience and never again strain his pitching arm.
And who could forget our very own Dominican Dandy, Ivan Nova? That Tommy John surgery he underwent gave him plenty of time to rest up that right arm of his, which will be dealing out 98 MPH fastballs at the start of the season. Let's also not forget Michael "How I Pine For You" Pineda, who after 76.1 innings of work in 2014 proved that he can stand the grind of an entire season without injuring himself.
So what if David Phelp's 4.38 ERA wasn't as good as Greene's 3.78 last season? Phelps is a gamer, a go-getter, the pinnacle of Yankee ingenuity down in the minors. The 13 homeruns that Phelps gave up in 113 innings pitched---five more than what Greene gave up in just 78.2---are a testament to how much Phelps enjoys toying with the opposing batters. Give 'em a long ball here or there and they'll all try and swing for the fences, disregarding any fundamentals at the plate. Genius.
I mean, just look at Gregorius' numbers. Eye-popping stuff!! It's clear as day that the winners of the off-season are not the Red Sox, but the Yankees. So rejoice, fans! Brian Cashman has worked his magic again. 2015 World Series Champs baby!
I don't know if the true Anonymous wrote this or just some wannabe Anonymous. I can't tell if you're mocking Yankee fans or the Yankee brass -- maybe both? In any case, your analysis is actually quite consistent with the theme of posts and comments on this site for the past 18 months, but maybe with a lot less humor. Which is why I think you may be the fake Anonymous.
I'm the only fake Anonymous who is clear about his/her/zir falsity.
Anyway, this trade certainly doesn't override the bleak overall situation or anything but its hard to not see it as a positive trade on its own terms. We got a young shortstop who should at least be league average, with the team for a while, cheap, and has room to grow. Thats exactly what we want.
Of course Shane Greene seemed to be exactly that same thing, just from the pitching side. Young shortstops are harder to find than pitchers though, so I'll put this into the win category, tentatively.
Yeah, John is calling mailtime on this one and is definitely recycling BB from whoever. Luckily for John I can't remember who had this call originally so is it really recycled? Shit, someone get Jaden Smith on the phone to help me make sense of all this.
If the real Anonymous is here, maybe me posting a comment will smoke him out. Or is it "my"? Me, my...potato, potahto...DJ, DD...
Think Miller will look like Robbie after he shaves? Did you know that if Robertson goes the only guys left who played in the real Yankee Stadium will be Gardner and A-Hole? Do you think Kevin Long will turn Granderson into a .300 hitter again? Are Trix really just for kids?
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Rejoice, Yankee fans! Our prayers have been answered. We have acquired the next Jeter. No---we've acquired an even better player than Jeter. A player whose future is so bright that we'll do what Jeter's Yankees couldn't and win the World Series four, maybe even seven straight times.
ReplyDeleteWho needs a young pitcher like Shane Greene, anyway? Our pitching staff is overcrowded with talent. We've got a legitimate ace in C.C. Sabathia---who will no doubt win a second Cy Young award in 2015---as well as Japan's prized jewel, Masahiro Tanaka---whose decision to forgo Tommy John Surgery will prove to have been a wise move given that he will undoubtedly adjust to the major league pitcher's workload after half a season's experience and never again strain his pitching arm.
And who could forget our very own Dominican Dandy, Ivan Nova? That Tommy John surgery he underwent gave him plenty of time to rest up that right arm of his, which will be dealing out 98 MPH fastballs at the start of the season. Let's also not forget Michael "How I Pine For You" Pineda, who after 76.1 innings of work in 2014 proved that he can stand the grind of an entire season without injuring himself.
So what if David Phelp's 4.38 ERA wasn't as good as Greene's 3.78 last season? Phelps is a gamer, a go-getter, the pinnacle of Yankee ingenuity down in the minors. The 13 homeruns that Phelps gave up in 113 innings pitched---five more than what Greene gave up in just 78.2---are a testament to how much Phelps enjoys toying with the opposing batters. Give 'em a long ball here or there and they'll all try and swing for the fences, disregarding any fundamentals at the plate. Genius.
I mean, just look at Gregorius' numbers. Eye-popping stuff!! It's clear as day that the winners of the off-season are not the Red Sox, but the Yankees. So rejoice, fans! Brian Cashman has worked his magic again. 2015 World Series Champs baby!
I don't know if the true Anonymous wrote this or just some wannabe Anonymous. I can't tell if you're mocking Yankee fans or the Yankee brass -- maybe both? In any case, your analysis is actually quite consistent with the theme of posts and comments on this site for the past 18 months, but maybe with a lot less humor. Which is why I think you may be the fake Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteI'm the only fake Anonymous who is clear about his/her/zir falsity.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this trade certainly doesn't override the bleak overall situation or anything but its hard to not see it as a positive trade on its own terms. We got a young shortstop who should at least be league average, with the team for a while, cheap, and has room to grow. Thats exactly what we want.
Of course Shane Greene seemed to be exactly that same thing, just from the pitching side. Young shortstops are harder to find than pitchers though, so I'll put this into the win category, tentatively.
now about the rest of the team...
"IT'S A BEE-BEE... FROM DIDI!"...That's just gorgeous Gregorius
ReplyDeleteThat's the trouble with being Anonymous: it's hard to tell if you are the real Anonymous or the fake one
ReplyDelete"I'm Spartacus!", "I'm Spartacus!", "I'm Spartacus!"
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, that is a pretty nasty welcome to the Big Apple.
ReplyDeleteYeah, John is calling mailtime on this one and is definitely recycling BB from whoever. Luckily for John I can't remember who had this call originally so is it really recycled? Shit, someone get Jaden Smith on the phone to help me make sense of all this.
ReplyDelete"Dutch comes through in the clutch! Oh, Suzyn! It's a Dutch chocolate bomb-bomb!"
ReplyDeleteIf the real Anonymous is here, maybe me posting a comment will smoke him out. Or is it "my"? Me, my...potato, potahto...DJ, DD...
ReplyDeleteThink Miller will look like Robbie after he shaves? Did you know that if Robertson goes the only guys left who played in the real Yankee Stadium will be Gardner and A-Hole? Do you think Kevin Long will turn Granderson into a .300 hitter again? Are Trix really just for kids?