Highlights of gala Yankee ceremonies planned for Alex Rodriguez's milestone 660th home run

A-Rod is just two home runs from tying Willie Mays for fourth place on baseball's all-time HR list, and when the moment arrives, the Yankees plan to throw out all the stops, with an incredible Big Apple celebration. Some of the highlights:

1. After launching the blast, A-Rod will circle the bases, touching each one and finally placing a toe upon home plate, signifying the scoring of a run.

2. The Yankee Stadium scoreboard will pay special tribute to A-Rod's achievement by adding the run - and/or others that were driven in - to the official team total. 

3. In special ceremonies, the crew chief umpire will step out from behind the catcher and use his broom to clean off the plate where A-Rod's cleats may have left sprigs of dirt.

4. To commemorate the moment, the Yankee Stadium p.a. system will announce the batter who immediately follows A-Rod, so that batter can step to the plate and receive a pitch.

5. A-Rod will receive - at great expense to the Steinbrenner family and trust - gifts of free bottled water and towels (which will be returned at end of game.)

6. The YES Network will pay homage to A-Rod's achievement by replaying the HR on YES-MO, while David Cone describes ways that players can get incredibly drunk following a big day.

7. John Sterling, the legendary Radio Voice of the Yankees, will unveil a special call for the occasion: "It's a A-Bomb from Geiko, where 15-minutes can save you big on car insurance!" 

8. A moment of silence will be held across Yankee Stadium, while lawyers from the team, from A-Rod and from the MLB Players Union exchange legal briefs.

9. Fans will break into spontaneous chants of "Let's Go Mets."

10. The NY Post and Daily News will unveil special keepsake commemorative front pages, showing artists renditions of A-Rod peeing on the wall of his cousin's house.

11. ESPN will break into its coverage of the Women's Topless Poker Tour, so commentator Curt Schilling can weep about the loss of role models in America.

12. Yankee GM Brian Cashman, accompanied by team president Randy Levine, will place a ceremonial live rattlesnake in A-Rod's locker.