Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Hence, as street-savvied students of the Yankee condition, we shalt not jettison our bedrock, hard-earned, core cynicism, and romp through the YES network's imaginary field of blossoming nipples, simply because our team finally won a meaningful home series. Nope. We'd be oafs, clods, Hodors. We're not drinking Hal's Kool-Aid. We're not chasing the AL East. This is a wild card race, nothing more.
Still, woo-woo, three out of four! Plus, two Taylor Swift-breakup-song level ass-whippings! And write this down, Doris Kearns Goodwin, you stinking NYC turncoat, because one future historical finding is about to come down: The Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM) ain't gonna win a shittence of squatoolah. Haha! Misery loves company, and you're our favorite visitors.
Nope, sorry, Ben "I'd rather say I serve Satan than cheer for the Yankees" Affleck. Unless Big Papi leaves his stud pasture and comes out of retirement, Boston still has no Hurricane Harvey in the middle of the lineup, the one guy that scares us shitless every three innings. Here's a stunner: Keith Moreland doesn't do it. And Cy Young Sale, the Yankee killer in Chicago, never beat us once, not once, all season.
Sorry, you self-righteous, Benintendi-masturbation fantasizing Superteam of Destiny fans. Here's my suggestion: Go to your basement, or that bunker where you keep the sex slaves, and don't come out until Nov. 1. By then, the Yankees will be writing a new marketing plan for 2018 - hint: "The Babied Bombers" - and Belichick will have your team leading the world's worst football division, ever, at any level, including Pop Warner.
We won the series, 3 to 1. We won the season, 11 to 8. Unless the Astros can't swim, and Cleveland gets attacked by gnats, we're going nowhere. Welcome to our world, Doris and Ben.
ReplyDeleteThe Cleveland-Houston ALCS is going to be interesting to watch.
Warms the cockles of my heart to see that the Boston fan base and media cheerleading squad are in full panic mode, although I've got to admit they do sound a lot like us: Pitchers can't pitch, hitters can't hit, and the manager sucks.
ReplyDeleteI think the only team that's worse than the Yankees with RISP is the Red Sox. However we can't get excited, not even for the Red Sox inevitable defeat at the hands of Houston or Cleveland. Montgomery is going today against the O's in a ballpark with dimensions smaller than those rafts the Cubans sail. Then CC goes, then Sonny. I don't have any faith in any of them. Each one walks a fine line when they pitch and it's always a coin flip whether or not it's a disaster. And worse, I forgot about Garcia, is he pitching at all in September? Does Joe want to keep his job? Oh how the joy of beating the Red Sox dissipates when reality sets back in.
ReplyDeleteRedsock fans like Doris remind me of the sorts of people who will, when having first choice of the litter, always take the runt puppy cowering in the corner, shaking. It's puzzling to me but we should all be glad those people exist. Such big hearts they have!
ReplyDeleteI went to sleep with a smile on my face, and it's stayed there all day. Nothing like a Beantown beatdown to make one grin.
ReplyDeleteBUT...these are the things I never get about our team:
—Item. We throw a couple of promising young pitchers at Minnesota to get Jaime Garcia because, you know, he is a veteran, and therefore a must-have down the all-important Wild Card Play In Stretch Run.
Said Garcia looks like the predictable lug nut he is for 4,5 starts. Then, he pitches a very nice 5 innings against Cleveland. So...we dump him in the bullpen, in favor of a kid we already had.
Huh?
—Item. We are really busting our hump for that Wild Card Play In Stretch Run. Rebuilding is SO over. It's win now, baby!
Then I read in the paper today that, with The Oft-Hurt Hicks on the DL again, our fourth outfielder is now Torreyes.
Huh?
We're going all-out for a playoff spot, but we can't bring up Cave or McKinney and interrupt the Scranton drive to the Governor's Cup? We can't call up Mason Williams to at least be a defensive fill-in? Or anybody else, from anywhere in the system? And didn't Tyler Austin used to be able to play the outfield?
It's what drives me crazy about this team. They never seem to know what they really want to do.
OL' HOSS RIGHT ON THE BUTTON AGAIN.
ReplyDeleteTHIS TEAM IS "SYBIL".
Jordan Montgomery. Walks, Walks, and Three Run Homeruns
ReplyDelete
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