The Yankee Roundup of Nothingness

Move along, there's nothing to see. Go on, get! Nothing is happening today, and nothing will. There is no Yankee news, nothing, aside from the fact that maybe somewhere, one of our pitchers' dogs has ringworm. That's it. Now, shoe. Shoe, shoe, shoe! 

It's the seventh game, Charlie Brown, which means tonight we shall gather until near dawn in our pumpkin patch/living rooms, and wait for something that won't come this year: a Yankee victory. We have no dog in this fight, aside from an historical aversion to Los Angeles and the Dodgers, and maybe a sense that if the Astros win, they will start self-destructing. Nothing undermines a small market team with a cheap owner more than winning the World Series. So let it happen, Houston, then begone. 

But if you are searching for answers today, here are links to meaning in this meaningless Yankiverse:

New Jersey dot com digests a War and Peace-length write-up in Vanity Fair about the A-Rod and J-Lo. Yes, just when you thought Conde Nast could not be more culturally repugnant, they devote 4,000 words to J-Rod. Here's some slop from J-Lo, describing their first date. Goosebumps!
“He was sitting there in his white shirt, very confident and manly, but then he was just so talkative! I think he thought I was going to be this loud person, but I’m not. I just listen. So he’s talking, talking about his plans, about how he had just retired from baseball, about how he saw himself getting married again, all these things you wouldn’t normally talk about on a first date. I don’t know if he thought it was a date. I thought it was a date. Then I knew he was nervous because he asked me if I wanted a drink. I said, ‘No, I don’t drink,’ and he asked if I minded if he had one. He was nervous, and it was really cute.”

I believe I speak for the Yankiverse in saying, Shoot me, please, just shoot me.

At Pinstriped Prospects, Alex Abreu, one of the two pitchers we got for Brian McCann, is "working on hard to perfect his pitches." Yep, that's the headline, proving once again that copy editors no longer inhabit the earth. Look, I don't want to make fun of a typo, because I've had my share. But I think the real story is that Abreu is working with a hard-on to perfect his pitches. If so, look for him to rise in 2018 and have a solid year!

Finally, at Sports Illustrated, David Ortiz says Derek Jeter is privately unhappy with the way the Yankees have treated him. Hmm. I'm going to make a stab here: Maybe the fact that Jeet's now co-owner of a competing franchise, and he just poached two of our key front office lugnuts could have something to do with it? When he left, didn't the Yankees give him a gift basket? 

Alphonso is back from globe trotting. Bevare...