The Japanese Babe is a West Coast kind of guy, so the hell with him

Make no mistake: This is a setback, the worst Yankee moment since Ronald "Big Toe" Torreyes wandered a step too far from second base in Houston. For most of the last three months, every report on Shohei Ohtani - "the Japanese Babe Ruth" - included a mandatory note that the Yankees would probably sign him. They had the tradition. They had the market. They had the young team. They had the money. Done deal. He was destined for pinstripes. Over and over, that's what they told us. Imagine that: The Gammonites didn't know a galddamn thing about what they were saying...

Apparently, Ohtani prefers ocean breezes, legal pot and the chance to die in an earthquake. He wants a West Coast "small market," which - translated from the native Japanese - means San Diego or Seattle. Considering that the Padres are still in Year II of their Philadelphia 76ers Tankathon, and that Ohtani might want more than throwing to 20-year-olds plucked from the Rule 5 Draft, that leaves Seattle. And let's face it: Amazon City is the perfect place for an unproven rookie who demands a chance to pitch and hit. For one thing, he can save wear and tear on his body by jogging out grounders. Also, he can utilize the knowledge of that great sports agent, Jay-Z. Let's face it: There's always room in Seattle for another diva. 

Listen: We wanted this guy not because he's the best pitcher or hitter out there - the Gammonitic hype was always too good to be true - but because it would make the sports world once again revolve around the Yankees. Whether he soars or flops, Ohtani will be one of the most intriguing stories of 2018. It would have been fun to have him, and it certainly would have been the franchise's best $3.5 million expenditure since Randy Levine's most recent Brazilian wax.

So... now what? We can take that $3.5 million and buy some 16-year-old Latino lover boys, a program we launched three years ago, which has yet to bear great dividends or be declared a boondoggle. (Dermis Garcia, the most expensive signee from that 2015 class, is wandering through low Single A, striking out way too often. But he's not ready for the glue factory, either. At age 18 last year, he hit 17 HRs and batted .249.) There is also a handful of ex-Brave prospects who were pried loose after Atlanta was caught cheating in the Caribbean slave trade. One is 18-year-old Kevin Maitain, a SS currently ranked 38th on MLB's prospect list. Yeah, it's a bullshit ranking, but signing him might lessen our pain.

This also lessens the pressure on Cooperstown Cashman to trade Jacoby Ellsbury, the man and the contract, for a bag of dope. (In a perfect world, he would team with Podunk Ohtani next year.) If no decent deal for Ellsbury can be wrangled, the Chief can be our lefty DH and - who knows - maybe mount a comeback season and play himself back into the lineup. It means more at bats for Ellsbury, Clint Frazier, Glyber Torres and Miguel Andujar, young players who might have been blocked by Ohtani's demand to pitch and hit. 

There is also less pressure on the Yankees to commit both sides of their team - the rotation and batting order - to an unproven commodity. Who knows what Ohtani can bring? He might pitch well but fail to hit a MLB breaking ball. Would he accept being sent to the bullpen or benched as a hitter? The two-way player offers great advantages... but a new kind of potential hassle. It's no longer our problem. 

Now, we simply must re-sign CC Sabathia, recommit to the group of young pitchers - Chance Adams, Justus Sheffield, et al - boost the bullpen and stay the course. Last year, the Yankees' greatest move - almost unprecedented in modern Yankee times - was to commit to Greg Bird even though he looked like a dog. At the end, Bird was our best hitter, our great hope. Can anyone imagine old George sticking so long with a kid? I believe in 2018, we must do the same with Frazier - he of the "legendary" bat speed - and the others. They might not hit at first. But now that Ohtani is out of the mix, our young players should more of the chance, and that's a good thing. After all, he might just be the Japanese Rick Ankiel. You know what? We might have just dodged a bullet.