Uh-oh. Cashman is shopping for another "power arm" Thanksgiving turkey

For five years now, the Yankees have had pissing rights over the Seattle Mariners. The reason? That poor, pitiful franchise lashed itself to Jogginson Cano via a 10-year suicide vest of a contract, negotiated by Beyonce and Jay-Z, and they're still only halfway through the sewer pipes. No matter how bad the Yankees have been, at least we aren't Seattle, right? 

But but but... Brian Cashman may come to the Mariners' rescue. Apparently, the Cooperstown-bound Yankee GM is on the prowl for another "power arm," which has been the glitch in Cashman's Matrix for the last 20 years. Nothing brews more fear in the hearts of Yankee fans than the notion that Cash is waiting in some hotel lobby, looking to hook-up with another GM to land another starter already past his pitch count/sell date - which is the story of this Yankee millennium.  

Today, let's ask a fundamental question: Who is James Paxton and how much blood are we likely to give up for him? Here are Paxton's beautistics:

 I've marked three spots, from left to right.

1. His best ERA came two years ago. Yep. He's on the slide. In essence, he is another pitcher who showed great promise in 2017, and then last year got cuffed around like Pee Wee Herman in a Sarasota porno parlor. He is a mix of Sonny Gray and Luis Severino (who, by the way, is listed as one of Paxton's statistical doppelgangers.) 

2. He threw 160 innings last year, most in his career. That's always been a red flag for Cashman's overly baked pitcher trades: Wear and tear on the inner tube. Simply stated: There's always a reason why the other team wants to trade the guy. If he was a true ace, would they really give him up?

3. He surrendered 23 HRs last year. Put him the Bronx, where pitchers throw superballs, and I gotta believe that total rises by 10.

Okay, you know where I'm going. I'm bracing for the worst - that we trade Justus Shefield and Clint Frazier for this over-cooked turkey. Well, let's remember that the judgement of every deal must come at the molecular level: If the Yankees traded Gray for Paxton even up, or even then goosed the deal with a dab of Brylcreem, we could live with it. What are the odds? 

I am not here to recount every bad deal Cashman ever made because, frankly, he's brought us some great positional players. But it's pitching - the quest for the power arm - that's been his blind spot. He traded Mike Lowell for four. He traded Gary Sheffield for three. He twice traded for Javier Vazquez. He gave up a circus for Jeff Weaver, a tribe for Kevin Brown. He brought in an ancient Randy Johnson, a tired Roger Clemens. Meanwhile, he traded away Ian Kennedy, Mark Melancon, Tyler Clippard and - AHH, I told you, don't get me started! Has he ever traded for an ace... that worked? You'd have to go back to David Cone, when Cashman was going out for pizza.

So, this winter when the Yankees have all the money in the world, and no longer sit shackled by luxury taxes, we are relegated to hoping Brian Cashman can successfully trade for a starting pitcher. The giddy Gammonites say our chances look good. I don't want to always be the downer. But really, how in hell should we feel confident?