And this.
Look, friends, it's fun to pretend...
If you're in a bar, and a beautiful woman approaches, you pretend to be Brad Pitt. If you're on a corner, and a homeless guy pisses into the bushes, you pretend not to notice. To your kids, you pretend Santa is real. To yourself, you pretend the world is not insane.
We pretend that juju wins ballgames. We pretend baseball matters. We pretend our leaders care, that age imparts wisdom, and that someday - long after we are dust - something we did on this earth will have made it a better place.
But I will NOT pretend the 2009 World Champion Yankees are "all in" on Gerrit Cole.
Nope. I have limits. It's a bridge too far, a lie that I cannot tell. We will not take part in the systematic gas-lighting of the Yankee fan base by Gammonites, publicists, bloggers, and bandwagoners with the critical eye of a beagle pup.
This we know, and the sooner you come to grips with it, the better:
The Yankees will finish second in the auction for Cole.
They will come close - o, so close! In the end, they will be outbid by the Angels, or the Dodgers, or the Ukrainians, or Duke University, or somebody - anybody - but it won't matter, because it won't be the Yankees, the 2009 World Champions. In the final hours of bidding, Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner will shake his head, hang up the phone and buy his grandchildren new Range Rovers with the money saved.
No more pretending. And shame on every Gammonite who writes a 20-inch thumb-sucker suggesting the 2009 World Champs' internal calculations on paying Cole. They know better. In every article, they add one caveat paragraph, suggesting the truth and covering their butt. Here's how Sherman put it.
Money is a huge issue. One executive said, “I don’t believe Hal Steinbrenner any longer authorizes seven years or more at the dollars it is going to take for any pitcher.” The signing of Cole would take the Yankees near or over the third luxury-tax level of $248 million, which Steinbrenner surely wants to avoid.
Now, really... was anything else to be said? Are we supposed to suspend disbelief and think the Yankees - the 2009 World Champions - are going to buy the most expensive free agent on the market?
Hal will not sign Cole because he needs the money for an operation to get his head out of his ass.
ReplyDeleteThe procedure is complicated by the presence of Cashman's nose.
Here's a fun game and I'm not sure I know the answer, but:
ReplyDeleteWhat team's fans have the Yankee Overseers turned us into?
They spend more than most, but not enough.
They perennially pay lip service to "contending" or "winning," but don't really seem to care in actual practice.
They leave us in a state of endless long and reminiscing on the increasingly distant past.
It could be a few teams.
longing, damnit, not "long," although a "state of endless long" sounds kind of intriguing and, possibly, painful.
ReplyDeleteThe fact is that the various rules concerning payroll penalties will keep the Yankees from being able to sign Cole. Anyone interested in taking Stanton off our hands? It would be nice to have his money to reallocate.
ReplyDeleteI was trying to do the whole 30 days of Happy Yankee Thoughts thing but after I think it was 14 or so I “forgot” to do it.
ReplyDeleteIt makes sense. I am a person who stopped using his rowing machine and bought a Soloflex because I could hang more clothes on it.
Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving I am going to use it as an excuse to do a clearing house and get a few more Happy Yankee Thoughts in.
1) I give thanks that…
At least they are competitive. The Giants really suck. Sucking on a level that takes me back to the Early 70’s. The Knicks suck even more, which takes me back to pretty much every year but the Early 70’s (Ewing notwithstanding)
2) I give thanks that…
We DON’T drink the Kool Aid. We on this blog, as Duque just referenced, KNOW when we are being manipulated. We know what the real bottom line is. We even know things about Hal that he only says in whispers to his therapist. Small solace but solace none the less.
3) I give thanks that…
There are Blue Jays Fans, and Angel fans, and Padre Fans, and Mariner Fans, and White Sox fans… but I get to thank the good Lord for making me a Yankee Fan!
(As opposed to being a Red Sox Fan or Astro Fan and having to worship Satan.)
4) I give thanks that…
I’m old. That I got to watch baseball when it was played by crotch scratching, hit and running, complete game pitching, tobacco chewing, ball players. When you could watch a game at the ballpark and still have money left.
A time when the only “Fantasy Team” I thought about had Joey Hetherton, Diana Rigg, and Elizabeth Montgomery on it. (I believe in a balanced line up!)
And last…
5) I give thanks that…
This place exists so I can vent, and laugh, and keep the creative juices flowing. It’s the first thing I do in the AM.
For the most part – well, this and trying to urinate.
And the last thing I check at night. - well, this and looking for blood in my stool.
Thank you! Good Night! I'll be here all week! Don't forget to tip your waitresses.
and
Happy Thanksgiving!
Doug K.
HEAR, HEAR, Doug K.! Brilliant! (Though I would gladly add Halle Berry to that Fantasy Team. Hey, SOME things are better than ever!)
ReplyDeleteAnd damned funny—bitterly, horribly funny—Bitty and JM.
"Wipe your hand across your mouth and laugh/ The worlds revolve like ancient women/ Gathering fuel in vacant lots."
Your MLB today!
And Ghost, you have to understand that, in HAL's eyes, Stanton is THE most valuable Yankee. He is the standing excuse for not going after the likes of a Cole and a Strasburg and—joy to behold!—will be through 2028 or so!
ReplyDeleteSure, we'll hear a lot of palaver about how "The Yanks have to pay for Sanchez's/Judge's/Sevvy's new contract!" even as those physically or mentally broken remnants of The Dynasty That Never War totter toward a premature retirement.
But the real killer is Stanton. He serves as both example and physical restraint: 'Nope, shouldn't do it, can't do it. Sorry!'
HC,
ReplyDeleteI think the Yankees realize taking Stanton’s salary on was a colossal blunder.
Hoss,
ReplyDeleteRe: Halle Berry. Consider her added. To make room I will trade an ageing Morgan Fairchild to Seattle for international bonus money.
Doug K.
@ The Ghost of Yankees Past, yeah the true cost of Giancarlo Stanton has now revealed itself. If not for him, there might have been a small chance of signing Cole. With the Stanton millstone around our necks, we won't sign any major free agent while he is here. All of the stupid stuff they write in the papers about the Yankees still being in the Cole race is just empty talk.
ReplyDeleteThere is one very small consolation. Even signing Cole wouldn't get us over the hump. If you have 7 righty hitters in the lineup against right handed pitchers, and five of those right handed hitters swing their bats like blind men, and the two lefty hitters you have are just so-so hitters, how can you possibly win a World Series? Ultimately, there is a lot of work to be done to make this team a WS winner next year. Since the analytics geniuses in the Yankee management will continue to encourage our hitters to walk or hit a home run, it almost doesn't matter how good our pitching is. In the postseason, we'll go though eight torturous innings against pitchers like Justin Verlander, getting one hit with no runs. Then some flash in the pan reliever will take us out one, two, three in the 9th. Repeat two more times for a first round exit.
The Hammer of God
Power concedes nothing without a demand. But power also gives up nothing without a verifiable threat to their ability to rule. So, if we resign our expectations to the least ambitions of the powerful, we will always get the least they can give.
ReplyDeleteI say clamour for Cole and punch up Steinbrenner in the press until he either pony's up the cash or becomes a permanent target for the press and the boo birds. Unlike Machado or Harper, the Yankees truly need a Cole-class pitcher if they want a WS ring.
Will it work? Maybe. Maybe not. But it will be a lot of fun whichever way it turns out. I love roasting the powerful over a warm fire.
Bird cleared waivers.
ReplyDeleteMediasavvy,
ReplyDeleteI agree that they/we should turn up the heat on Hal. As has been written here before the Yankees spend the lowest % of earnings on payroll in all of MLB. It's a disgrace to let a top and needed FA get away.
That said, we also know that they won't do it.
As to Stanton
I was talking to a buddy of mine who is a really knowledgeable guy about baseball. Coached for a lot of years, played (not pro, but very much a student of the game and I was carping about how I would like the Yankees to get rid of him.
He thought I was crazy. So I asked him, "How come every time he gets up to bat I find something else to do?" He insists that he is still the superstar MVP guy (that we only saw for a month or two in 2018.) and that next season he will bounce back strong.
I hope he's right. Because I'd rather give those bucks to Cole.
Doug K.
THIS IS HILARIOUS.
ReplyDeleteIT HAS STARTED.
STARTING PITCHER AFTER STARTING PITCHER, IS DISAPPEARING.
KYLE GIBSON.
JAKE ODERIZZI.
DREW POMERANZ.
(I GUARANTEE THOSE WERE THE "UNDER THE RADAR" STARTERS HE WAS DREAMING ABOUT).
WHEELER HAS A LOAD OF SUITORS (YOU KNOW THAT MEANS THE PRICE GOES UP-WE'RE OUT).
BUMGARNER WILL STAY ON THE WEST COAST (UNLESS SOMEONE TRULY COURTS HIM)-WON'T BE US).-HE'S OUT.
THAT LEAVES STRASBURG- (WE WILL HAVE METRICS THAT SAY HE IS DUE TO BE HURT)-HE'S OUT.
LAST HOPE, GERRIT COLE?
NOPE.
HE WILL PUSH US TO THE 3RD TIER LEVEL OF LUXURY TAXES.-HE'S OUT.
I AM GETTING CRAZY JUST READING MY OWN TYPE.
DOES HAL REALIZE WE HAVE A WINDOW OF TIME TO WIN BEFORE IT CLOSES?
.....AND THAT WINDOW MAY CLOSE QUICKER THAN ANYONE EVER SUSPECTS.
SELL THE MOTHERFUCKING TEAM IF YOU DON'T CARE!
This is gonna be Ohtani all over again.
ReplyDelete@13bit...Keeping in the season, no one wants Bird leftovers...
ReplyDeleteHey guys! I read the latest posts every day, but have very little to say at this point. So I thought I’d offer a bit of diversion.
ReplyDeleteMy first (and probably only) Christmas present arrived today: a Max Scherzer t-shirt. I no longer have a single t-shirt for a current Yankee, but I don’t know if one could reliably buy a t-shirt and expect that player to be in da Bronx next April.
I also had early Thanksgiving on Saturday when I met and was treated to a sumptuous vegan dinner by a lovely Japanese lady from NYC, a retired investment broker who is a fan of my weekly podcast on the UK internet radio station at Mixcloud. She spends her time racing around the world following her favourite opera singer, the Wagnerian tenor Klaus Florian Vogt.
We were both in München by coincidence: Klaus was singing Lohengrin at the Bavarian State Opera, and I was there for the Canadian alt-rock band, The Bros. Landreth. (Wien is great for classical concerts and opera, but we suck for jazz and rock.)
One of the best vegan meals I’ve ever had: little stuffed eggplant rolls, pumpkin ravioli in a rich cheese sauce, a green salad with all kinds of leaves, and a six-layer pistachio torte with dried rose petals in the icing.
The Bros. gave one of the greatest rock concerts I’ve ever been to. They sold out the hall, and there were grown German men standing by the ticket desk crying real tears. I have never felt so much joy and love throughout an entire concert. The parts when Joey Landreth pointed the microphone to the audience and we all sang the lyrics while the band supported us reminded me of Queen at Live Aid. With encores, they played for over two hours, and I then got to hang out with them for an hour as they signed their merch for a long line of fans. And I got a big bear hug from Dave Landreth.
So I wish all you good men a Happy Thanksgiving, and send you my thanks for allowing me to be a part of IIHIIFIIC.
Sounds great, Austria, although all that non-meat talk is making me a little queasy.
ReplyDeleteI think my favorite excuse thus far is, "We must first assess Deivi Garcia."
Are you kidding me? Hey, I have high hopes for Deivi, too, and I will always root for a guy who is only half-an-inch taller than I am.
But c'mon.
We're talking about a 20-year-old with a lifetime minor league record of 17-20. Last season he went a combined 5-9 with a 4.28 ERA. In Triple-A, he was 1-3, 5.40.
Maybe, if we're lucky, he'll catch on as a back-of-the-bullpen guy. To think he is substitute for Strasburg or Cole—or even for Bumgarner or Wheeler—is delusional. Or, really, a bald-faced lie.
Fuck you Hal.
ReplyDelete
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