Virtual Baseball Off-Day: Yanks Rest. But Where Is Giancarlo?

The Virtual Yankees, two games behind Tampa Bay, got a much-needed off-day following four knockdown, drag-out contests against Toronto.

But the questions remains:  where is Giancarlo Stanton, the Yankee man of knowledge?

In what is fast becoming the nation's fastest growing new superfast conspiracy theory, many speculate that Stanton has somehow fallen prey to a Deep State plot, or perhaps been eaten by some QAnon predators.  Others continue to hold that he has gone over to the Children of the Corn or—more diabolical yet—the Red Sox.

"Where is Giancarlo?" asked even some signs at President Trump's triumphant Republican convention in Charlotte.

"The question is really whether Giancarlo ever existed at all, or if he is just more of a concept," speculated Prof. Janosz Poha of Hudson University.  "After all, he is said to be a baseball player on the New York Yankees team.  But do we ever see him play baseball?  Is he ever in any games?  The answer is no."

"I thought even in the playoffs last year, that the best analogy to Stanton is Schrodinger's cat," interposed Prof. Poha's colleague, Dr. Peter Venkman.  "He was on the roster, but he was not able to play.  Was he dead?  Was he alive?  Was he...Giancarlo?"

Others, such as Dr. Raymond Stantz, hold that the entire idea of a "Giancarlo Stanton" was all a mass delusion in the first place,"like UFO sightings, or the Lawrence Welk Show.  I think it has to do in good part with the end of the Cold War, and the need Americans have for some new, lurking, unseen menace."

For all of the certainty in the Yankees organization that the slugger is no more, residents of Dyersville, Iowa, home of the Field of Shattered Dreams, have reported rutabagas mysteriously gone missing from their gardens, and the disappearance of the occasional blueberry pie, left on the windowsill for cooling.