From the lost computer of HoraceClarke66...
Blatantly defying GM virtual Brain Cashman today, Yankees manager Ma Boone went ahead and threw Gerrit Cole against Tampa Bay—and Cole responded like an ace, pitching a five-hit shutout for his astonishing fifth complete game of the season, while striking out 12.
The Rays responded with their own ace, Blake “Romantic” Snell, who
pitched five shutout innings of his own. But hoping to maintain the integrity
of their rotation for the playoffs, the Elasmobranchii pulled Snell for their
usual, depthless array of interchangeable relief pitchers.
They also shut down the Yanks with ease until the ninth inning,
when TB reliever Aaron Loupgarou walked Aaron Hicks. Loupgarou was replaced by
the Krillsuckers’ closer, Nick Anderson, but Hicks managed to steal second and
advance to third on a grounder by Luke Voit.
The very next batter, D.J. LeMahieu, despite leading the American
League in batting, promptly stunned the ground and Sabremetricians everywhere
by laying a perfect, suicide squeeze bunt between the pitcher’s mound and first
base, as Hicks stormed home.
“Why, it was as if they planned it out beforehand! With-with
signals and everything!” fumed an astonished Commissioner Rob
ManfredvonRichtofen. “This sort of madness has to stop.”
“How is this happening???” Cashman was heard to wail in the
owner’s box, as he banged his Eagler Protection Helmet repeatedly against a
wall. “Careful statistical analysis inveighs against it!”
The win left New York and Tampa Bay tied, with just one game
remaining in the 2020 regular season. And strangely enough, both teams seem to
want it.
“One day more,” Ma Boone commented after the contest today.
“Another day, another destiny, this never-ending fight with Tampa Bay. This
team that seems to never die will surely come again and try.”
Meanwhile, longtime Yankees creature Lonn Trost denied that the
seats within the team’s Legends Luxury Moat were even more empty than usual for
today’s game.
“Actually, that was a record turnout, and I think these aerial
photos will confirm that,” Trost said. “Also, there is no truth to the rumor
that pangolin has been removed from the Legends Club menu. It is still
available to our luxury box patrons, along with a free side drink of
hydroxychloroquine, or one Tide pod, whatever the customer prefers.”
This was supposed to be the height of their opportunity. Cole the missing piece. Instead, the bullpen is on a downturn, and we can’t even complain about over usage. Like most years, Judge has lost all his power due to injury. And also, when Judge is not on the IL, Clint disappears as well. Our starters are questionable and now we need all 5 due to scheduling. That plays right into our weakness compared to other playoff clubs. And when we inevitably lose...our team will now be on a downturn. The future that was to be carried by a new core of Gary, Judge and Sevy will never reach the potential we once thought. And Gleyber, he was supposed to be a rising star and he has been a disaster, especially in the field. If they don’t pull this year out of their ass, I fear the road gets harder and harder.
ReplyDeleteWhoops, posted this on the wrong thread.
ReplyDelete“As a kid, they didn’t factor into anything, the White Sox, from 1919 a long way, and then in the 1950’s it broke...”. -John Sterling, 101 years old, remembers baseball.
ReplyDeleteHe also mixed up Jazz Chisholm as Chaz Jizzholm... that was several innings ago.
ReplyDeleteWhatever the name, he smoked the Yankees in every aspect of the game today. A .145 hitter, in a game the Yanks needed to win. Oh, this bodes well.
ReplyDeleteCheer up Horace, we won’t be losing the quick two to Tampa this week that we all expected.
ReplyDeleteWhen Sanchez pinch hit the other night, is he the first pinch hitter EVER hitting .140 after 50 games to hit for someone batting .250? Where are the analytics on that one Brian Cashman?
ReplyDeleteLol that’s a great stat. Sweeney Murti mentioned that Sanchez holds the record for lowest batting average ever with ten or more home runs.
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